please read it, i don't know how to handle..

[Rosa]

Me, well I had an awful weekend, went out with Mr. Nice guy, and had a good time, he really likes me, and i just discovered that I don't, and I don't want to use him to get over my ex, because is not fair for him, and ther is no chemistry, I thought that there was, but I was only affectionate with him when I was drinking, and that's not good.

And yesterday i went to visit my best friend who happens to live in the same neighbohood as my ex, and of course I passed by the corner. and saw a black car, I asked my best friend and she said that she has seen that car there before, and it is definitely a girl's car, I couldn't help it and started to cry, i was great for about 2 weeks, feeling so confident, and yesterday I went back to square one. and I feel like [removed by moderator]. I feel ugly and unwanted, and began to ask myself why he wants to be with her and not with me, why is he so happy right now, and i'm not? why is it that he can move on so much better than me. and i'm dying to call him, and talk to him, and hear his voice, and ask if he misses me, and all these stupid things that I know I shouldn't say, but I can't help to think of them. and it sucks... I couldn't sleep last night, and live on checking my phone to see if he has called, but no.........and i can't work, and I cant do anything thatn just want to pick up that phone and say why did you wnt to end it like this, why....and it hurts......and I don't know what else to do with myself.....

sorry to fill your day with more sad stories, I needed to vent.

thanks

[charmed]

he really likes me, and i just discovered that I don't,

 

Hmmmmm !

The rest of your post suggests that you do girly. You are sounding jealous of this other girl. Why? Because she is getting attention, or because you really do like him?

 

You need to figure out whether you do infact like him or not. Once you have found that answer, then perhaps you can decide whether to chase him, or forget about him.

 

Calm down, and think. What do you want here? Attention, or him !

 

Hope this helps you some,

 

~

[SAMRA2]

hi girl, listen am a girl too, and i have experienced this. look i think u still dont really like this guy, but the fact that HE walked out is the thing thats bothering you, making u anticipate his calls and stuff. believe me, if he calls and says he wants to go out with u again, u'll be confident again and u wont evern say yes. its all about wanting to be # 1. and it aint necessarily bad. its normal. you just have to come to terms with what u feel, understand that its just some kind of jealousy, and that its selfish to an extent. u said u thought there was no chemistry! and now suddenly there is when u saw that girl with him? i know u might think now that no, if he calls me i'm gonna definitely say yes and we'll have a great time. but the truth is that when u know that he's the one after u, and ur the one who could stop it whenever u like, its done. u wont feel that desire for him anymore. why? because u just felt left out. you dont want HIM, you want HIM to be after YOU. so let it go, and go find someone else, someone you'll really like, and who'll like u enough not to date another girl at the same time. sorry for the bitter truths, but this is it. soryy.. XXXX

[Rosa]

I guess I worded my whole post wrong, what I meant to say is the my ex and I broke up 2 months ago, I love him to death, we were actually still talking until 2 weeks ago when I went to his house and found anotrher girls stuff in the house we used to share, (i moved out, lived with him for 1 yr) so in the mean time I met this "nice guy" who is interested in me, and treats me nice, but I keep thinking about my ex, and so that is why I dont want to kiss him, or even be affectinate with him if im not drinking, and I think I'm looking for ways to feel numb from reality, and I need to get out, and so I went to visit my best friend and passed by my ex's house, NOT THE NICE GUY'S house, and saw a girl's car in his drive way, and so it brought back all these feelings of why he is not with me, and wants to be with her and I haven't been able to cope with these emotions... I mean I know what I need to do, but I have this hope that he's gonna regret us, and want to go back, and basically I don't know how to let him go...I know...NC, stay busy, go out with friends, meet new people blah, blah, blah, but in the end, when I'm home alone I feel lonely and sad, and ugly, and unwanted, and nothing can make me feel better than just to cry my eyes out until I fall asleep.

then I wake up, and it all starts all over again.

[charmed]

Hey Rosa,

 

OK. Why did you break up / move out?

 

~

[xcherryx]

get to no the guy that you dont like right now maybee you can get to no him and you guys could fall in love or summtin......

 

 

 

xcherryx

[Rosa]

we were arguing too much, but I know we really loved each other, we were very affectionate all the time, we just fought too much in the end, and I think he met someone else, I have no idea from where, maybe at work, but one day I was indifferent with him because I wanted him to come to a family wedding with me that I was a bridesmaid, and he didn't want to go, so i had the feeling that he wanted to stay here and party, so he did, and when I came back from the trip of the wedding, i was acting indifferent, and the next day he told me that he wasn't happy, that we fight too much, and that he wanted to be alone, and so I told him to give me a few days to find a place to live, and so he did, and I moved out 1 week later, we were still talking for a few weeks. we kept saying how much we loved each other, but he just kept mentioning that we just argue too much and that it wasn;t healthy, and I agreed...but i always wanted to work things out, but he didn't want to work it out anymore...and I think it took another girl to actually give him that little push to let me go, and now he is with someone new, and I know for sure. he's 30yrs old, i'm 25, he's got averything going for him, as he is a hard worker, lives confortably, and has a great heart, he is just immature at times, i think he is just used to getting what he wants specially from womem, (he's very good looking) and what else can I say a girl magnet, anyway, cool guy you know, I guess he can handle these things better than I.

I really would like to get him back, but I don't know how....

[charmed]

we kept saying how much we loved each other, but he just kept mentioning that we just argue too much and that it wasn;t healthy, and I agreed...but i always wanted to work things out, but he didn't want to work it out anymore...

 

Rosa, I think that is the story there. It would be very difficult for you to get back with him if there is another girl on the scene now. The only thing you can offer him is the above situation, and he doesn't seem to be interested in mending the broken relationship. I don't think there is much you could say to change his mind here, and if there is another girl that is in any way serious or semi serious, you won't get the oppertunity to get a word in there to him.

 

I'm sorry to say this, but I think you need to move on from him. You moved out, and you know why.

 

My best mate is going through a break up at the moment, and he's taking it pretty bad too. I've been trying to help him see that the reason his relationship ended was that "the bad outweighed the good". It sounds similar to your relationship. You got on great, and everything was cool, ...except for the fighting. Actually, I had a similar break up a few years ago - and it was all great.....except for the fighting. You have to accept that it is for the better, and cling on to that for dear life. You are over, because it is better for both of you. Don't let your longing to be loved by someone end up falling back on his lap like he is the only one on the planet. He's not, and you know that you've tried with him and it hasn't really worked out too well. Move on, but be happy that you have made the correct decision, and stick by that. Everything else will fall into place for you then.

 

Good luck, and remember the forum is here to help you should you need it.

 

~

[Rosa]

Charmed, I had a feeling you were gonna say that, I know that its probably too late, and you are right, I had no choice, I just wish I can change things, but I can't, I feel that he was my soulmate, it might sound gay, but we used to say it all the time, and it felt tru also, and I know I need to move on, but I feel angry that he already has someone new, and I'm still crying, but your advice keeps my feet on the ground so thanks!

I appreaciate that.

I just want to speak to him one more time... although I know will bring me back to day one, that is why I don't call.

[lady00]

deleted.

[Rosa]

Lady00, that was one of the best advice I've been given here, and my fingers itch to call, but you are right, if I call he will go farther away, we have mutual friends, and I know I will see him someday, my self steem yes, its hurt, because i think the same, why her and not me? I decided to go out with the "nice guy" but I found myself thinking about my ex during our date, and although it wasn't tooo obvious he did notice that my mind was somewhere else, and he understands, he is suuuper nice, is like too good to be true, I mean has got everything goen for him, successfull, hard worker, family man, he's got culture, respectful, 27 yrs, (then again i just met him, so you know everything is great in the beginning) but like me we are in the same boat, he just left a 3yr relationship, arguing, make up, break up thing, and so he decided to call it quits, for him its been 4 months, for me two, but he was the dumper, and I was the dumpee, so the feelings are not the same, know what I mean? so he is out there looking, and he found me, and last night we were talking for a long time and he offered his frienship to talk about my issues, and that's all he wants, and I'm ok with that, I'm gonna be honest with you.....he's not bad looking, he has a very cute face, but he's a bear! lots, and lots of chest hair, and that is a major turn off for me, I mean I'm not shallow, but you know there are a few things that I like to be attracted to in a man, and that is one of them, so I don't know what to do about that....any sugestions???

write back

[Kittengirl]

I am a great believer in NC. It worked for me, unfortunately it was too late. My ex contacted me but I had already (or was trying to) moved on and was beginning to live again. I had to do alot of soul searching to make the right decision for me and that was not to go back. But I still say NC is the only way, if they don't contact you it's because they don't want to. If they do then you have to think very carefully about why and what YOU want to happen next.You hold things tightest with an open hand, so let him do what ever he has to do and you get on with your life. At least if he calls or wants to come back you will have a full life and know you won't fall apart if it doesn't work out or if you decide to move on once and for all you will have plenty of support and things to occupy your time. I don't know if it's possible for me to go backwards but I'm sure many people do and it works out...

[Rosa]

Kittengirl, I don't think my ex would come back, although I thought that we were in love, he's super stubborn and his ego gets in the way of EVERYTHING, and i know he might be dying to call, he just won't.

And tha's it...that sucks, but you held on strong to watch him come back and you said no, WOW! that was hard, but I'm glad that you knew where he was in your heart when he decided to come back.

I hope that that is the case with me, although right now I hope and pray that he comes back.... ( kinda dumb... I know) but i'm just being honest.

And what do you think about the bear...I mean the nice guy...lol, he's real down guy, but I can't look pass that chest...sounds kinda shallow I know but, is just that I try to but is now sexy at all for me....

[Kittengirl]

Rosa,

You don't have to settle for this 'nice guy' can you just be friends? If he's a nice guy he will be a good friend to you and accept that you can't offer more at this stage. I would surround yourself with friends of both sexes and that will help you get over the ex. It's great to have male company for meals and social events without the hassle. I never thought my ex would come back.NEVER. So when he turned up I was soooo shocked but I had already started rebuilding my life without him and the decision not to go back was the hardest I have ever made but it was the right one for me.I know you want him to walk back into your life but try and remember that he was part of your life and not actually your whole life even tho it feels that way.Don't string 'bear' along tho he has feelings too and deserves to know that you aren't sexually attracted to him but want him around as a friend. As for only getting close when you are drunk, I think many of us have done that and I know for me, it has just added to the stress and made me feel bad. Try not to make your life any more complicated while you are feeling this way.Things will work out somehow, I get the feeling you will not want the ex before too long so get out there and live a little for yourself.

Good luck and hope things turn out well for you.

[Double D]

Your story is exactly like mine, I'm sorry I don't have any advice but maybe someone can help us out. I just want you to know that you're not alone in feeling the way you do. My ex dumped me almost 1 month ago. She said she was not happy anymore, wasn't 100% sure about us and that she didn't know if it was meant to be. These words from the same girl who told me never to break her heart, that she is so lucky to have me, and that she loves me. Well she dumped me. I miss her so much. I check my phones all the time, I think about her constantly, what she's doing who she's with, what she's feeling. We still talk. She says she's doing great, but she still misses me. I tell her I'm doing alright. I haven't told her how much I want her back because I know it will just drive her further away. Even if I hint at how she feels she gets mad. So I don't even bring it up. I hate not being with her and I can't get used to my life without her in it and me not being in her life. I have no idea if she's seeing someone else, and I don't want to know. I really couldn't handle it. Anyway I am totally depressed can't sleep well so just to let you know you are not alone. Please email me email removed. Just to kind of be a support for each other. Thanks