How would you react to this? I need to tell a friend to back off.

[miie]

Say if you are in a relationship with someone you love and have been with for a long time and have no intention of leaving. How would you react to a "friend"* asking you to promise them that if you are both ever single at the same time, you'd give it ago with each other?

 

*a friend you met years ago and at first they liked you but you didn't. Stayed in touch as friends via texts and emails only. Not a real friend that you see and hang out with.

 

 

I have this and i think i need to be very blunt about it for him to understand, nothing will ever happen. With him asking something like this is making me not want to contact him again. Why ask me that when i have a bf that i love....and further more, he has his own girlfriend!

[RoadRage]

When this *friend* did like you years ago, did anything happen at all? Or was it very simply - him asking you out or whatever and you saying no, you only saw him as a friend?? I'm just wondering because if you gave him absolutely no sign or indication that you were or would ever be interested in him, then i don't really get why he would think he had a chance?? I mean had you gone out with him/told him you liked him/kissed him or anything like that, then maybe that could explain why he would feel there might be a slight chance that you could come back, but if none of that happened, then i don't see where he got the idea from??

 

How often does he try and contact you? And you say he has a girlfriend?? That's weird...

 

I dn, i guess there's two things you can do. As you said, cut him out of your life completely, just ignore his messages etc, or just keep it the way it is, making sure to emphasise that you aren't going to ever go out with him....

[miie]

Nope, nothing happened. We met on a dating site and chatted for a few weeks and then met. It was a quick meeting. I knew i didn't feel anything straight away. He looked slightly different in person than he did in his photo. It might sound shallow, but i just didn't find him attactive. He asked me few hours later what i thought etc, and i was honest with him. He said he would like to be friends. That was YEARS ago. Since then, its just been emails.

 

A few months after we met, he got a girlfriend. They broke up, but now he has been with someone else for about 8 months. There was NEVER any touching, kissing. The thought repulses me. I can't see him anything other than a friend. He remembers the exact date we met. I met someone myself a few months later and i am still with him.

 

He contacts me a few times every few weeks. We email back and forth about boring day to day stuff. Nothing different than what i would say to a work friend. So its not highly personal stuff.

 

Dont get me wrong, he is a nice guy, easy to talk to, but that is purely it. I can't see anything else happening. ever. And im happy to email but sometimes i get creeped out. He says things like he is so greatful for meeting me and having me in his life. we met ONCE! We've just kept in touch via email.

 

 

I have a "pen pal" i write to in another country, we started when we were like 15, found each other with the same interest on a topic in some message board and have continued too keep in touch. Its nothing more than something like that!

[RoadRage]

wow okay that is strange. You've met him once, shown absolutley no interest in him.... and the emails are just casual everday emails.... hm how sure are you that he is being serious what he says stuff like if you two are ever single you should go out?

 

I guess the bottom line is if it's upsetting you/stressing you out or making you feel uneasy that you shouldn't put up with it- friends whether they are close friends or not shouldn't make friends feel like that. So if its stressing you i think you should either confront him about it one more time or just pull the plug....

 

I mean you guys have only met once?!?

[miie]

wow okay that is strange. You've met him once, shown absolutley no interest in him.... and the emails are just casual everday emails.... hm how sure are you that he is being serious what he says stuff like if you two are ever single you should go out?

 

I guess the bottom line is if it's upsetting you/stressing you out or making you feel uneasy that you shouldn't put up with it- friends whether they are close friends or not shouldn't make friends feel like that. So if its stressing you i think you should either confront him about it one more time or just pull the plug....

 

I mean you guys have only met once?!?

 

Oh he was serious. No doubt. He often says a lot of stuff how lucky he is to have me as a friend and signs off his emails as 'your friend,'. He is over the top on that stuff.

 

I would't say stressing me out, creeping me out yes! I'll have to say something. I think its part why i've avoided catching up.

 

Haha yep, once! We've kept in touch with emails and thats it.

[agent1607307371]

I would break the "friendship" off.

 

It sounds to me like he's really kept up the contact just in case he can get a shot, and any cotact just encourages him in that. He may behave just like a friend most of the time but the motivation behind that is a more than friendly interest.

 

He thinks that he can friend his way into your bed.

 

And lets face it, asking that was just plain unclassy.

[lady00]

Well since you never see or hang out with this person it should be easy to just ignore him. I would suggest you do that.