We've only been together for 2 months and he's watching a lot of porn

[linda1984]

My boyfriend and I are new in a relationship.

 

I really thought this one was different, I have had very bad relationships in the past and I am quite insecure.

 

Things with my boyfriend and I were great, in every aspect and still are. I went through his phone, which I know i shouldn't do but because of my past relationships I dont want to be taken for a fool again. I keep finding new downloaded porn videos.

 

I am a very sexual person and enjoy watching porn with my partner, I dont know why this is bothering me so much, I just dont feel like he has the need. Everything should still be moonshine and roses in our relationship because its new.

 

Am I overreacting??? What should I do and what does this mean??

[DreamerGirl27]

My boyfriend and I are new in a relationship.

 

I really thought this one was different, I have had very bad relationships in the past and I am quite insecure.

 

Things with my boyfriend and I were great, in every aspect and still are. I went through his phone, which I know i shouldn't do but because of my past relationships I dont want to be taken for a fool again. I keep finding new downloaded porn videos.

 

I am a very sexual person and enjoy watching porn with my partner, I dont know why this is bothering me so much, I just dont feel like he has the need. Everything should still be moonshine and roses in our relationship because its new.

 

Am I overreacting??? What should I do and what does this mean??

 

This would bother me as well. I don't think you're overreacting. I don't know what it means, but you're probably not going to get the same answer from other people on here as I'm giving you. I don't know what to tell you. I know a lot of church goer type people would not be too keen on this, either. I don't know if you're religious at all, but they talk a lot about not watching stuff like porn. It's refreshing. I am trying to find a guy like that (from church) right now, because other guys are throwing me off track.

[amiami19]

It could be porn he downloaded a while ago and just didn't erase it, it doesn't necessarily mean he is not happy with your sex life.

[perth_man87]

I'm Catholic and go to Church every Sunday but I don't have a problem with porn at all! It's a personal thing I think- to the book most Christian teachings go against being any more liberal than any sexual relations outside of marriage; but to me it all comes down to the 2 basic rules- try to be a good person towards others, and love god (and I say that in laymans terms because I think most people know what I mean?). I don't view pornography as violating either of those rules, so it doesn't phase me.

 

In the context of a relationship OP I can understand you being worried about whether or not he is satisfied, or if he would want you to look a certain way; but you will find that all pornography is to men is sexually stimulating material. It isn't a reflection on you that he wishes that e.g. your boobs were bigger. If he goes after a particular kind of porn, especially a fetish, then you have an idea that maybe that is something that he would like to try with you. But the general rule with porn in relationships is that if it doesn't put strain in your personal sexual relations then it's not a problem!

 

It would however be a problem if he chose the porn to masturbate over having sex with you.

[linda1984]

At amaiami, I know its recent because there are new videos downloaded almost everyday.

 

Thanx for the advise Pip dog. So do I just ignore the fact and stop torturing myself by checking his phone???

[perth_man87]

Pretty much that would be the best thing to do. As long as he loves and respects you, while still maintaining all the passion he has had, then the porn isn't something that you should feel threatened about.

 

I find the person that I'm with to be the sexiest person on the planet to me- becase it's them. The women in porn are for the most part very good looking but... I forget all about them 2 seconds after the video is off my screen In all likelihood the porn is nothing but a way for him to get off, it's nothing to do with what you are doing or not.

[petite]

Does he neglect you sexually?

[amiami19]

This is just my opinion and I don't want to offend anyone on here but guys are guys and guys watch porn girls watch porn...guys get new ideas of how to satisfy their girlfriends from porn and guys think about sex more than women do so he may need to pleasure himself in other ways while he is not with you. I think it's normal.

 

What I think you should be worried about is the fact that you seem to have a big trust issue by going through his phone.

 

I couldn't even tell you to confront him about it because how would you explain that you knew about it? It would be the best way then you can actually hear his reasoning for it!

 

I am sorry if this was mean and I wish you the best in your new relationship!

[Weirzbowski]

You just shouldn't necessarily think of porn as being a substitute for you.

 

I download porn, and I always did when I've had gfs (and not as a dirty little secret or anything), because I just kind of always have. It wasn't for any lack of stimulation from the gf. For me, if a gf were to be upset about it, it'd be the equivalent of her busting in saying "why are you watching Friends? you have ME!" and I'd say "I dunno. I like Friends."

 

I'm tired and I don't think that makes sense, but the point I'm trying to get at is that I think, at least for me, porn is completely separate and unrelated to the gf sex life. The internet is there, and what else are you going to do with it? In other words: I absolutely don't think him downloading porn suggests that he's not all moonshine and roses about your relationship. I think he is probably downloading porn because he has always downloaded porn.