Should we move in together or live seperate

[emirii_pooru]

Me and my BF are LDR's now. We spent 2 months together but have spean almost 5 months apart. I want to move up next year. After wokring for a while. Yet he wants us to move in together. I would like to since it would save us both money. He wants us to do that when we are engaged. He had a cousin do the same thing before she got married and he says it worked for them.

 

 

I just need some advice....?

 

Would it be a good idea or bad one?????

[amiami19]

Well, if I was you, I would ask myself this question first:

1. Why am I moving in with him?

 

A) To save money.

B) To get engaged down the line.

C) To save money and get engaged down the line.

 

If you answered B or C, yes move in.

If you answered A, no do not move in.

 

And I only say this because you are setting your relationship up for failure if you are both NOT on the SAME PAGE.

 

Just make sure you are moving in with him for the right reasons.

 

If you really love him and see yourself getting married and having kids or etc, then yes it's a good idea, if you are doubtful or unsure still, then wait. Apartment leases always expire and you can always move in later when you are more sure.

 

Good Luck

[emirii_pooru]

He told me that he did not want me to spend 700 a month on a apartment when i could move in with him. He wants to be engaged before we do that. I think it would help us in the long run when we plan for a possible wedding. He is ready to settle down and be married. We both know that our families may see living together a issue, but I see that it would help us. We will have been in a LDR for 12 months when I move up their. He thinks that time time apart has made him want me even more. He has told me he hates to lose me.

 

He is 27 and his parents help him out from time to time giving him advice. Yet sometimes I feel they are putting a hold on what he really wants. Should I say something to him that would help him or let him realize that on his own. So far he is seeing that, but not sure of the big picture.

[amiami19]

If what he really wants is for you two to live together and you do, too, I don't see what the problem is. Yes, his parents are concerned about the living together issue so are yours, but he obviously isn't taking their advice, he still wants you to move in. He is 27, a grown man, and making decisions for himself. Everyones parents are always going to want a say in their child's relationship that's just the natural feelings of parents. You both sound like you know what you want. Getting advice from parents and friends can be helpful, but at the end of the day everyone has to make decisions for themselves.

 

However, as I am reading over your response, you never actually come out and say "This is what I want...and 12 months from now I want to be here.." You are only telling us what he wants. What is that you want? Does it match up to what he wants? If it does.. Then pack your bags! Plus, living together will make you much closer and you too should better be able to make decisions about your relationship together without him having to ask his parents or anyone for advice.

[emirii_pooru]

Yes, I want to move in with him. I am just trying to see if being a LDR for 12 months then moving in together would be a good idea. We both want it. I am only trying to see if us living together would cause problems in the relationship.

 

We know that living together before marriage has a high rate of divorce. We are not sexually active and will not be until we get married. We know we can sleep in separate beds and can possibly get a two bedroom place. I know it would help us become closer since we did not have that in the 12 months we were apart, but have gotten closer since being apart.

 

His family has a issue with it, but when i spoke to my family about it. Explaining to them that me ad him could have different bedrooms or different beds. The only concern they had was the self control we would face. My family will be allowing us to stay alone together, since they trust me and him. This is when we visit each other. Which nothing has happened.

 

I can see that my family trusts us, but even him being 27. Men can have issues when trying maintain self control. Unlike us woman who can have self control. Even though some don't. I can proudly say that I do have self control. I was told growing up that if you don't want to put yourself in that situation then don't.

 

Living together is something we both want, but I think the one thing we are concerned about is that it may cause problems if we ever get married. We have maintained a pure relationship for almost 7 months. I mean it has been hard. No sexting, nothing below or above the belt. No sex including oral. Even when we skype, no web sex or showing each other naked. I know this is hard to believe, but we vowed 2 years ago after our last relationship, that we would not get sexually involved with the next person we met. We took this vow a month apart 2 years ago. This was before we ever met. We wanted to each have a relationship that was based on real feelings. Which so far it has.

[amiami19]

I can relate to this, I also am abstaining from sex until marriage. However, you are putting yourself in a very tempting situation, living together after not having seen each other in person for a while might be overload for his or your hormones. Every now and then, I do have to remind my boyfriend of what we are committed to NOT doing. It's defiantly hard for men to have self control. I think moving in with him, even if it is to save money, is a bad move... I am sorry that is just my opinion. I did not know before that you were not sexually active and were not planning on being sexually active until marriage. I am just saying that when you move in, he or you may start thinking "Wow, I haven't seen you in so long or hugged you in so long.." etc etc and your mind starts wondering..like "maybe just a kiss.. maybe just this.. because I've missed you so much". Etc... I would be afraid that it would be a strain on the relationship because it's flaunting and tempting at everything that's right in front of your face and that you cannot have.

[Snny]

Living together is something we both want, but I think the one thing we are concerned about is that it may cause problems if we ever get married. We have maintained a pure relationship for almost 7 months. I mean it has been hard.

I don't understand this logic. You're willing to move in before marriage, but not have ANY sexual contact? If this is done for religious reasons, then you are not following your faith since living together before marriage is shunned in religious communities. If this is a primary concern of your relationship, then moving in is a very bad idea.

[Snny]

I'm sorry I skimmed and missed some things. Let me try again.

 

His family has a issue with it, but when i spoke to my family about it. Explaining to them that me ad him could have different bedrooms or different beds. The only concern they had was the self control we would face. My family will be allowing us to stay alone together, since they trust me and him.

I'm going to flat out say this:

 

If you guys are letting your parents' decisions influence you all living together, then you both are NOT ready to move in. Moving out from your parents means living your own life without THEIR decision. They don't need to know about your private business with your boyfriend if you are an adult. However, if you and your boyfriend still rely on mommy and daddy's support then you guys are also not ready for marriage.

 

I have been dating my partner for a FEW YEARS in an LDR. I just left my parents a few weeks ago and they do not approve me living with my SO. I had to tell them TOUGH *%@& because it is my life and I had just got a stable job near my partner's house to support and pay off my bills. I gave them an ultimatum: I don't have a job because of the recession in my field and they pay for my bills (which they couldn't), or I live with my SO, save gas money to commute to work, and take the job that leads to better opportunities. That ended the argument.

 

Honestly OP, I gotta ask how old are you? You're boyfriend is of age to live like an adult, and I can assume you are too. Are you going to let your parents run your life and your own decisions? If not, then I hope you can support yourself. I hope this helps you answer your own questions.

[emirii_pooru]

For your information I have lived on my own. The only reason why I am asking is I will have gone from living on my own to living with my parents to help save for me to move up to where he lives. I am 22 and I am capable of making decisions on my own. Me and him has discussed it, but I am trying to see if it would be good idea. I guess not many of you know about cohabitation agreements, since if you have this in affect you would have to set boundaries with a priest and explain to him what is going to happen and agree to those terms. Our parents may not agree to it, but we are old enough to make what we think is a smart decision. You may thin a piece of paper has no meaning but it does in some religious communities. I have researched some of this. We will have been togeher a little over a year and are thinking of doing this. Would it be a good idea....

 

* Also look up my profile and read some of the other posts about this relationship or just ask me...

[Snny]

I guess not many of you know about cohabitation agreements, since if you have this in affect you would have to set boundaries with a priest and explain to him what is going to happen and agree to those terms.

Not always true. A priest doesn't have to agree to this. They can still deny marriage if they find out you are living with your boyfriend. Very few priests are ok with it, but not a lot of them because of Ephesians 5:3 (the temptations of sex before marriage) and Hebrews 13:4. Priests are considered religious authorities since they are appointed by Bishops.

 

Our parents may not agree to it, but we are old enough to make what we think is a smart decision. You may thin a piece of paper has no meaning but it does in some religious communities. I have researched some of this.

Then what are you asking? From your posts in this thread you're mentioning concerns about what yours and his family has to say about the two of you living together. If you are set on making your own decision, then you already have an answer, yes?