How long till "are we exclusive and back together" not just dating?

[abnyc]

Quick summary. Been back together with my ex for about 3 months. We dated for only 4 months last year, he got scared off and we had NC for 10 months. He came back pleading to try again. We've been taking it slow (no sex). but we kiss and cuddle and spend the night together. He contacts me almost every day with a text or an email, etc. We date i would say on average twice a week.

 

I dont want to assume anything (he hurt me really bad last year by just up and dumping me). When is the right time to have the "talk"? Things seem to be going well.

 

we are both in our early 30's, never married, no kids. etc.

 

thanks

[Sagreras]

Things seem to be going well.

 

Have you made an exhaustive study of the reasons why he bolted like a flash of summer lightning? There's every possibility that his flighty behaviour will manifest itself again the moment the degree of connectivity approaches that reminiscence point of before.

 

His attachment style is anxious/insecure, and the break-up was evidently provisional.

 

The only 'Talk' you should entertain is the one that focuses on his crippling insecurity. A gentle reminder of your commitment, coupled with a firm resolve not to endure another provisional break-up, will see you through this particular crux.

[bwhite00]

I don't know and I am in a similar situation.

 

This girl and I have broken up twice... The last time she dumped me.

 

After two months we dated then had about a month apart. Now we're seeing each other again. What caused us to stop dating was I guess I took things too far too fast with her (I love you's etc).

 

So now I'm letting her dictate the pace. I don't pressure her to put a label on us but we do have A LOT of sex so it only seems right to be 'exclusive' because if she slept with another guy... I'd be heartbroken and have to walk.

 

This time around, I just give her all the space she needs and while I love her, I will let her be the one to say it this time around seeing as how the last time I said it... It freaked her out.

 

I guess she's afraid of getting hurt but honestly I would walk out of her life for good before I pusposefully hurt her feelings.

 

I think in this case the girl has to dictate the pace of things... And of course communication is essential to any long term success.