not sure if i should spend money anymore on friend

[phasegirl]

I have a girlfriend who lives overseas, and it seems like we're not as close as we used to be. I joke around with her, but she seems so serious all the time.

She also doesn't look for me unless I look for her.

 

Most of our relationship is held online - whereas before, she used to call me, but even that's stopped. Now, our friendship is structured where if she sees that I'm online then she'll chat with me, otherwise, not even an email she'll send me.

 

I joked around with her telling her that I want her to give me a rare item on a facebook game, and she simply said "no". So I joked (testing her) that if she doesn't give me the rare item, I am not her friend anymore. She never sent me the rare item. (Even if she would have, I would have sent it back - as I was just testing her).

 

Her birthday is coming up and I wonder if I should send her a gift or just leave things alone. I no longer want to spend my money on someone whom I feel is one-sided. But it is with great sadness that I feel as if I must cut all ties.

 

But she sends me stuff on my birthday, and I don't want to seem ungrateful.

[archaelas]

I'm not sure that a test via facebook game is very reliable, to be honest. Personally, I would go ahead and send a gift but that's just me. If she's still sending you things for your birthday, it sounds like she does still value your friendship.

 

Test the waters in other ways, like asking her to call you or if it's ok for you to call her. Send her an email when she's offline and see if she responds. Something along those lines could give you an indication. She could just have a lot going on in her life at home, you never know. Ask her about it, find out if there's something new going on. Just tell her that you've noticed less contact between the two of you and let her know that if she needs to talk about something, that you're there for her. Sometimes the best way to preserve a friendship is through patiently just being there while the other person works things out on their end.