Finally over the Ex - advocating the NC rule

[kleptoz28]

I've posted here a few times over the course of a rocky 6-month relationship. Me and my ex broke up and got back together three times during that time. The last time she broke up with me, she played a lot of mind games with me and acted like a complete jerk, and I didn't speak to her for a month. But for some reason, after all she had done, I kept loving her and wanted her back.

 

After a month of NC, I called her to try to talk. Only after having the time to heal from the breakup, talking to her felt different. It was like finally being able to completely see past all her BS. She started talking about all the things she had been doing since we broke up. (She's still working as a stripper, still has a weed problem, and has started trying E) And then she started to give me a speech about how she was happy being single and I would only be wasting my time trying to get her back.

 

I had to interrupt her in the middle of it to tell her not to waste her breath because I wasn't interrested in her at all. After loving and missing her this whole time, I couldn't believe I was telling her that and really meant it. But after being apart from her and then talking to her again she just sounded so ridiculous. She was completely full of herself, she saw nothing wrong with the things she was doing, and had the ego to think that I would be "obsessing" over her as she put it. I ended up telling her that the type of lifestyle she was living was sleazy, and completely beneath me. I told her that she was a complete jerk to me the last few weeks we were together. And I even told her that she had changed and was a completely different person than when we first met, so much so that even the qualities that had made her a good friend weren't there anymore.

 

...

The point of this post is that there are multiple reasons to try the No Contact rule. You may get your ex back if they realize they miss you... but you may also give yourself the time to realize that there were real reasons you broke up in the first place. And given enough time, once you're not blinded by love, you may be able to see your ex for who they really are, good or bad.

[Mun]

Very good post Kleptoz. Glad to see you are doing well and that NC has helped you move forward.

You will find someone who deserves your affections. Good luck to you

[Ated]

My ex broke up with me in April... and i guess its been 3 motnhs. But we did speak in those time. Like 2-3 times?? and in all occasions, he mentioned how much he didnt miss me and how he REGRETS going out with me cos he's never met a person that can't give "such a headache"

 

I can totally relate to your post, however, i can't help but feel (and still) going through a rough time forgetting about him. He damaged my self-esteem really bad! in so many ways... and He does smoke weed and go clubbing (hence we broke up). He wanted "fun and freedom"

 

I dunno... before, he was so sweet and caring... use to tell me "im a diffrent guy" but yes, NC shows that he is all the same. But what gets me is that he is such a hypocrite and just twists everything! Like, his friends think im a psycho?? What the?? I dunno why smoking weed and going to clubs is so important? *sigh* i swear i never did anything wrong... except be "possesive" why does he hurt me like that? To make himself feel better??

[kleptoz28]

Ated, some people don't want to admit they have a problem. Your exbf sounds a lot like my exgf. She used to say she was "different", but now she wants to "be single and have fun". And she totally destroyed my self esteem to boost her own ego, because anytime she did anything wrong she'd find a way to twist it around and blame me. And towards the end, she did call me "posessive", because of course it isn't a reasonable to get jealous if she goes out to smoke weed with other guys or anything.

 

Its rough getting over someone, but from the sound of it, if your ex did this same type of stuff to you, you're better off without him.

[Ated]

kleptoz28

 

Yeah... like to be honest, i know i am better off without him. I mean, i gave him everything... so really, it was HIM who lost something. He lost someone who genuinely cares for him.

 

I just want to know why he would be so hurtful. I mean, all of a sudden a MAJOR turn-around, drop moral and values, just to be able to "hang out with my gang"??

 

He told me i was immature cos im 17 and he's 22... and its just like?? HELOO??? Yeah, ur 22, why do u still do what u think is WRONG and u were against...??

 

Its all so weird... Sometimes i feel like just 'playing' boys, using them for money... cos at least "I" get benefit. I gave everythig to this guy for pure love and i get a kick in the face. He use to hit me too (after i hit him, but i still find that a bit unacceptable?? lol)