Meeting him because I have nothing else better to do

[alive_inside]

I just started talking to a guy online today, exchanged a few e-mails, started to text, and he asked to meet up for coffee tonight. It's not like I feel there is huuuuge chemistry here but at the same time he seems respectful and nice so I figured why not. It'll be low-key and it's just coffee.

 

So I don't feel a connection, but I'm just going along with it because I don't have anything to do tonight anyway. Because of this I almost feel like it could be leading him on in a way, but then again we could meet and it could completely change- another reason why I'm going.

 

I guess I'm just used to talking to the person for a few days before we meet. Usually it doesn't go past the first meeting and I get down on myself for putting so much effort into it. This way if it doesn't work out, I won't already be so invested.

[ToF]

I did this a lot last summer. I was pretty into the online dating thing and would often meet guys for coffee or dinner just so that I had something to do. It wasn't the best time of my life, and I ended up hurting a couple of people in the process, but overall I don't think it's a terrible idea. Hopefully your intentions are pretty clear to him (i.e., you just met, so hopefully he doesn't expect too much), and who knows? Maybe he's only meeting you because HE has nothing to do?

 

I'd like to add though, that the last date I went on was a situation exactly like this one (okay, sushi, not coffee). I met him out of boredom and convenience as he was right near my school. I ended up spending hours getting to know him that night, and within a few days we were smitten. That was in early November and I'm writing this from his apartment today

 

So be ready for anything!

 

-Twist

[bar35]

I don't think that is a bad idea at all. I am curious, when you say that you don't feel like there is a lot of chemistry, what does that mean to you? So many people say that, but I am not sure that I have ever fully grasped it. Does that mean that you just don't find him physically attractive? Or is there a another area that you feel comes up short? I think that it is smart to say to yourself that it could change when you meet in person, and I don't think that is leading someone on to meet them. Enjoy, and just have fun. If the person is fun you might actually have a good time, and it might turn out to be worthwhile to meet them again! Good luck!

[bar35]

I'd like to add though, that the last date I went on was a situation exactly like this one (okay, sushi, not coffee). I met him out of boredom and convenience as he was right near my school. I ended up spending hours getting to know him that night, and within a few days we were smitten. That was in early November and I'm writing this from his apartment today

 

So be ready for anything!

 

-Twist

 

That is a great story to contribute to this thread! I think that the same thing happened to my girl friend! LOL! (But I knew I was into her)

[alive_inside]

I don't think that is a bad idea at all. I am curious, when you say that you don't feel like there is a lot of chemistry, what does that mean to you? So many people say that, but I am not sure that I have ever fully grasped it. Does that mean that you just don't find him physically attractive? Or is there a another area that you feel comes up short? I think that it is smart to say to yourself that it could change when you meet in person, and I don't think that is leading someone on to meet them. Enjoy, and just have fun. If the person is fun you might actually have a good time, and it might turn out to be worthwhile to meet them again! Good luck!

 

I guess it is hard to really say if there is chemistry or not since we've been communicating through text. From the pictures I've seen, he is physically attractive and to be completely honest that could be another reason why I'm giving it a shot.

 

I'm hoping it will go well but I don't have any expectations- which is a good thing!

[ToF]

That is a great story to contribute to this thread! I think that the same thing happened to my girl friend! LOL! (But I knew I was into her)

 

Thank you! My boyfriend had it figured out too, lol! I felt kind of bad that I thought of him that way at first. I felt like the OP did actually, not a ton of chemistry, nice guy but not really my type, etc....But hey, how was I supposed to know?!

 

Moral of the story is that I'm pretty darn glad I said yes

[ToF]

I guess it is hard to really say if there is chemistry or not since we've been communicating through text. From the pictures I've seen, he is physically attractive and to be completely honest that could be another reason why I'm giving it a shot.

 

I'm hoping it will go well but I don't have any expectations- which is a good thing!

 

You're a smart cookie. It's good to keep your expectations in check, especially with dating.

 

Oh, and more often than not, I let the person's picture influence whether or not I REALLY needed to go out that night Lol!

[alive_inside]

It's just interesting because he's like "if it goes well we can get a drink afterward," and I feel like HE might be having too many expectations. I just want to go with the flow tonight.

[Positive_Anonymous]

Ive done quite a bit of online dating in the past....and most of the time the ones I have chemistry with online are nothing like what I thought in 'real life' and the ones I thought were a bit flat online actually turned out to be the best. Basically 'real' people don't have the time and energy to sit in front of a computer writing about how wonderful they are....they are comfortable enough within themselves

[catfeeder]

I think you've got the right idea. Too many people spend too much time and effort typing and building fantasies 'about' someone they have never met, and then when they meet the bubble pops.

 

Best to get straight into a click-check to find out if someone is worth your time. THEN invest, not before.

 

Fingers crossed for you!

[alive_inside]

Okay guys so it turns out the date was a bust. I felt so bad because I didn't know how to end it, but there was just absolutely no chemistry on my behalf. He looked nothing like his photos and we really just had nothing in common at all.

 

He texted me asking to rate how it went from 1 to 10 and I just responded "thank you for treating me to coffee but I don't think I felt a romantic connection, I'm sorry". Of course I feel bad about it but I didn't want to just not reply.

[catfeeder]

Okay guys so it turns out the date was a bust. I felt so bad because I didn't know how to end it, but there was just absolutely no chemistry on my behalf. He looked nothing like his photos and we really just had nothing in common at all.

 

He texted me asking to rate how it went from 1 to 10 and I just responded "thank you for treating me to coffee but I don't think I felt a romantic connection, I'm sorry". Of course I feel bad about it but I didn't want to just not reply.

 

No harm, no foul. This was a lot easier on both of you than trying to live up to some big investment. It was good to give it a shot.