Been over a year, I need some opinions here.

[king6]

I need some opinions to help ease my mind or alteast trick it for the better.

 

Here is the situation.

 

My ex of 6 years left me about a year and a half ago now, she left me for another guy right after our 6th anniversary. We have a 3yr old boy together and she also has a daughter that I was father to those 6yrs (since she was a baby). The last 2 years we were together I was supporting her fully as a stay at home mom, she decided to go back to school and she met new people, who led to this new guy.

 

Days up before she left, she loved me, she wanted to get married, have more kids.. she literally said these things on our anniversary. After she decided to get with this other guy all hell broke loose and I was the worst guy on the planet, did and said everything wrong, nothing was going to make us a couple again..“over” for ever! What did I do? nothing really.. it all boils down to not marrying her quick enough. I suppose after 6yrs..but its not like I wasn’t committed anyway..she obviously wasent (she was seeing this guy for months before leaving me, and she had cheated on me during the conception of my son)

It went on that way for about 8mths.. her treating me worse then dog shizzle, me heartbroken.. and trying to see my son. She agreed to let me see him every other weekend only.. She failed her schooling, she moved into a free home (witch I found out she was on a waiting list for, for 2yrs dating back to when she cheated on me), she put my son in daycare for 4mths despite her not working, going to school or doing anything..this was during the summer as well. She was on every assistance possible to boot. When child support finally starting getting arranged.. she had already set her self up for the maximum amount possible, being a single mother of 2 on welfare,on her own , no job, and wanting to go back to school..not working the past 2yrs and the crappy economy crashing they figured shed never find a job over min wage at part time hours. she hosed me big time.

Now half of my income goes to her for just my son, days after the support started, she accepted a nursing job that’s paying nearly what I make (twice min wage) She told me she had that lined up months before this child support but wasn’t obligated to tell anyone.

 

over the Fall months she went back to school and worked, she needed someone to watch our son while she did this, her new bf wouldn’t, and she didn’t want to pay half of the day care expense now that she was working. So she allowed me to.. it was also agreed that it was so I could see my son more. She even took it upon her self to change his last name to mine, witch she swore she would never do.

The next 4 months we started texting back and forth, talking more.. I find out she moved in to her bfs home, and we really started digging up old feelings. She told me she was pushed by her friends to get with this guy, she doesn’t have feelings as strong for him as she does me, she still loves me, she sees me as her soul mate, I was the best everything, she wanted to get married and have kids still.. Things were going great, I was seeing my son about 15 or more days of each month and she was treating me good. She wanted to get back together so bad she moved out of her bfs home and left him, she even sent me some “revealing pics” after a month went by she invited me over one night for a movie, we kissed and fooled around a bit..and that was it. She later told me it was a mistake, then later told me it wasent.. I then come find out things werent over with the bf she had left me for. I didnt believe she really wanted me back anymore so I started pulling away from her, and she noticed the lack of attention.. then she started pulling my son away, she finished school and put me back on every other weekends for seeing my son again, she told me it was because that was only temporary. I now become the worst person In the world again.. All of the stuff she said and did was confusion..shed never get back with me..she denys it all and returned to the guy she left me for.

 

I got upset and hired a lawyer to finally establish my rights as a father and gain some custody, I want to see my son as much as I was seeing him. This pissed her off beyond belief and the last 6 months I been going through hell. I had to kick my roomate out of my home because her, because of the legal trouble he had got into, though he was no threat to any of whats going on. I went from seeing my son every other weekend..to seeing him a few hrs every other weekend at my parents house, I could not bring him home. Shes using anything against me possible, they want me to take all these phyc test that I cannot afford and they treat me like a criminal. (by they i mean her and her lawyer, and her bf) Shes made allegations about my mental health and says I have an alcohol problem. I drink once a month if that. The mental health has to do with stuff before I was even 18 and was dealth with (im 26)

 

Im lost, its been 7mths now and all I have gained is I now have every other weekends on my own again. Shes ruining my life financially and emotionally.

With the child support so high I cannot afford my home..or to live. I dont do anything besides work and I look forward to seeing my son, im all alone otherwise. I don’t even have time to meet anyone else, hell I don’t even feel Id trust anyone else.

 

When I talk to her about what she is doing, she always brings up the past, she always throws it in my face how much better this other guy is, how she has never been happier, she has found the right guy and he treats her and the kids better then I ever have.

I honestly dont care if thats true, I think im entitled to my own life with my son and my income to be stable enough to live off of. I dont believe I should be supplmenting her new life with this guy. But she refuses to settle on the custody, she constantly refers to him as her child only, she has full costudy, shes not going to let me take her son away from her, shes fighting for him. To me, shes fighting to keep him from me, but she doesn’t see it that way.

 

I don’t know what to think anymore, anyway I look at it life just sucks, I cannot have my son, I cannot have a income that I can live on, I cannot have a life outside of work because it takes constant work to keep up with everything I can no longer afford. I considerd many times just giving up on my son..but that still leaves me with nothing.

I no longer love her, I hate her with a passion.. I wish so many bad things on her words cannot describe. It just doesn’t make sense how someone you loved for so long can treat you so badly for no cause at all.

Im not a bad guy, im a great guy, a awesome dad, I have a home, full time job, very nice things and good friends (im not close to though), im good looking I think and I made a great little boy.. Just don’t understand it anymore.

[maddyfaye]

This club is getting bigger and bigger and I am sorry to hear this has happened to you. Women can turn it off like a light switch and rewrite history to justify the selfish actions. Women are at least as bad now as men with cheating. The temptation of new lust is just hard for everyone to resist these days. This is a painfull learning lesson and you are not alone so don't take it too personal. Don't invest too much into any one person anymore. I certainly won't anymore after seeing how quickly someone can say they love you and overnight turn cold, instantly. SHe is a * * * * * so don't think it a big loss but yes it's tough not being able to see your son. I know she probably lied to others about you to justify why you don't get to see him. Other women should know better by now since they all complain how they can't trust women to not turn on them. You will find better but don't get so attatched to any one person again.

[nem69]

Sorry to hear it. Mine prety much did the same. 2 weeks before we were setting the wedding date then boom it's all over no rhyme or reason.

You have to pick yourself up and walk away from her. I know you have a son so will have to deal with her but when you do be polite but keep it at that. Dont fall for her friendship routine if she tries it she has shown her colours.

[king6]

Well, I dont want it to seem like im hung up on her still. I have moved past that, the very thought of having any kind of contact with her (not to mention relationship) displeases me and disgust me.

 

My problem lies in her control over my life, my relationship with my son, her ability to make me miserable as ever and drain what life I had into nothing.. After she has gone.

Im physically, emotionally and financially drained from this, The system makes is so unbelievably hard to obtain and custody or stability back into your life.

 

I dont understand how she cannot feel one bad about what she doing, To me it seems like shes punishing me for her mistakes.

 

I dont know what to think about it anymore, I just get angry, and wish I never have to see, hear or deal with her ever again..

[eatpraylove]

You can't petition to have your support lowered based on the fact that she has a better income now that's provable and you shouldn't have to pay the max as she's no longer on welfare, etc? It sux cuz i'm sure you need a lawyer but there might be some online research you can do to see about documents you are able to fill out and submit to have the child support reviewed.

 

Unfort the system is a failure, I feel for you cuz you are one of the good one's and it's designed to help her obviously and honestly these days I think the system works for the wrong kind of people including bad parents and dead beats and the good parents struggling can't get a break.

 

I know it's a risk, you almost don't want to rock the boat, but she sounds very unstable and like she enjoys changing her mind when it suits her. I realize it sux as well to think you know someone so well and they become someone you despise and don't even know how you were involved with, let alone, fathered a child.

 

U def deserve more rights and I would do as much as possible looking into online resources and free petitions/docs that you can submit for getting some of your rights back. How can a judge expect you to continue paying the max in support when she can support herself at this point and has a bf to help out? If she has provable income, which it sounds like she does, and makes equal if not more then you, and u show ur expenses and (may) even be able to include the bf and his income(?) then you should have it reviewed?

 

You may get a break...good luck. EPL

[king6]

Thanks for the replys,

 

I have had a lawyer and have been fighting for joint custody since Last feb, back then- instantly when she got served, she called me screaming and yelling, I could here her bf in the backround voicing his opinion, swearing as well, stating they are picking up my son immediately and i dont get to see him anymore. The kicker to this is it was a sunday, and I just had my son for 5 days in a row that she asked me to take him for..while unbenounced to me her and the bf had taken a trip to las vegas during that time.

 

In the great state of MN, if your not married, the father has no rights at all. Doesnt matter if you have a recognition of parentage, are on the birth certificate, pay child support, or have a family with the SO. You have the right to pay child support only, if the mother doesnt want you to see the child, she doesnt have to. You have to sue to establish any visitation or rights if she refuses them.

 

Since I got a lawyer its just been a downward spiral, I went from not seeing him at all, to only being able to see him supervised at family members home, to kicking out my cousin to see him, to going to mediation just to get visitations arranged to how they already were, to trying to negotiate down lower then joint custody, to now waiting for a court date. She has been refusing to allow me any rights or custody at all, she believes she should keep sole physical and legal custody, with no reason other then hes HER son, and shes not letting me take him from her.

 

You cant just petition to have support adjusted, also part of that is the child custody case, witch means I have to wait for the court date.

If you figure I cannot afford a living as it is already, I need to also pay a lawyer, and wait for a court date thats months down the road that very well could just end up into more court dates.. Its a endless process of draining your resources.

 

This is someone who was on welfare for a year after she left me, she now somehow has money to fight to keep me from having rights of my son. What the hell can be her motive for it I cannot figure out. I know so many people who WISH the fathers of their children were half as good as me. They got deadbeats that dont see their kids, drug users, abusers, alcoholics, guys that dont work or pay child support..