Young people really dont know what love is....

[talo]

'Falling in love' is falling into 'young' or 'immature' love; in other words, falling into exclusivity. Young love is exclusive; as it matures it becomes progressively more inclusive...

 

Before the fall, there is innocence, or not-knowing love; after the fall there is knowing love.

 

Yours inclusively,

[parisian_pink]

For everyone, our ideas of love evolve over time. As we get older, we may have more specific ideas of what love means to us and what it doesn't mean, what a good relationship is and isn't, etc. I think, however, that this evolution is caused not by AGE but by collective experiences, and thereforeeee everyone's perception of love evolves with time. If at 15 you wanted to be an actress when you grew up, and a 25 you'd rather be a writer, does that somehow negate your desires at 15, meaning you never really wanted to be an actress? If you were sad at age 10 when you're dog got hit by a car, but at age 20 you barely remember Fido, does that mean that your sadness was not real at 10? No, I don't think so.

 

No one is saying that we do not grow and change as we age, that our experiences do not affect us and change out views. Of course they do, but why should that mean that our previous notions of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness were ill-conceived?

 

I think that the huge problem here, as with many other subjects, is that individuals have the dendency to examine their OWN personal truths and assume they are a universal truth, and that if others do not feel the same, they are somehow less enlightened. This is not the case. If your TRUE path to happiness includes being a doctor, but your brother doesn't feel the same, does that mean that he is wrong? That the universal path to happiness is by becoming a doctor? Of course not. So why should people assume there are universal truths about love?

 

When you are in love, it is easy to think that yours is the most unique, genuine love that has ever existed. You are in love, but others could surely not share the same exciting feelings that you have. This is not true, though, just as cynicism and bitterness on the part of people hurt by love or lack thereof does not mean that others are not feeling love, or that because it does not exist for you right now, it does not exist for others ever.

 

Do not spend so much time evaluating and placing value on other people's feelings and experiences. If you do not share them, they were not meant to be yours, and you have no place to decide their legitimacy.

[boredguy]

you say that you dont believe in teenage love, but teenage love is real. i knw its hard to beilive. of course there are so very many teen couples that are in 'love' after a week or two. of course not all of them are in love, but some are. and those few are so very happy. they feel eveything that older couples would feel. psychologically speaking, teenagers' emotions are deeper and more enhanced. pain hurts more. happiness is pure elation. its simply a fact. so maybe there are couples that say there are in love and arent. let them be. people learn from their mistakes, and everyone is entitled to make their mistakes. stop and think...

[ridikerous]

I think some teens long for someone who they can devote themselves to and feel connected to, they want to find someone who's perfect for them so they are quick to assume that their boy/girlfriends are perfect for them.

 

A question I have: I've been in what I strongly believe is love with this one guy for 3.5 years, and it started my freshmen year. Do you think it is love?

[ComputerGuy]

I had a LOT of relationships in high school, and I advised a lot of my friends in their relationships. I HATE being told that I don't understand life concepts because of my age. I'm 19, but I understand everything I've experienced. I may not have the same views on it as other people, and I may not have as much experience with it as others, but I HAVE experienced it. And as we all know, experiences like love are different for each person.

 

I can relate to that, if I had a dollar for every person that told me I dont want to get tied down at this age, that I'm young and got my whole life ahead of me, I'd be rich. I sometimes wonder if these people stop to think that just maybe I do know what I want, and that I may be ready to settle down. What age do you say you're ready? I know people that are in their 30's who aren't ready to settle down and I know people who have been settled down since they were 18.

 

Love is something that you just know when you're felling it. You can't explain it, can't descrive it, you just know.

[mamcan]

I am very interested by the responses given by all of the readers young and old. I am a 38 yr old mother of a 13yr old girl who is dating a 14yr old boy. they have been together for about 2 1/2 months and they do say that they love each other. Who are we to judge whether they or anyone else is or not.(My husband and I were engaged only 3 months into our relationship and we are happily married and deeply in love.) Do they not have feelings just like so called "adults" do? Aren't there some adults who claim to be "in love" and fall out of love just as quickly as say a younger person would? My daughter and her b/f have talked about being together for the rest of their lives and they have talked about getting married already, but what is it hurting? Young people have dreams of marriage and kids just as adults do and I would hate to be the one to tell them there is no such thing. I was in love at a very early age and if he would have been the right guy(not one to cheat on me)I probably would have married him. I was 13 when I fell in love with him and we dated off and on until we were 19. I was serious he wasn't, but the feelings that I had for him were TRUE and REAL!! To this day I think about him from time to time and wonder what it would have been like. But it wasn't meant to be and that was probably for the better. However, I will not discount my daughters feelings for her boyfriend, nor his feelings for her. They are real to them. I do believe in young love...it happens more than most realize and it can last forever!

 

Some of you say they are not mature enough to be in love...niether are some adults. You say they don't know what real love is. If your heart pounds out of your chest because you see or talk to that other person, or your knees shake, because you are near them, or you just can't stand to be away for very long...isn't that love? I would say it is.

 

My daughter and her boyfriend may last or they may not, but I, for one am not going to discredit their love for each other. They believe in each other and their love and that is ALL that matters! So do I think that young people can fall in love? YOU BET I DO!!

 

Mamcan

[AzurePhoenix]

Very good posts.

 

There are many books on "Love" and what it is and what it is not. Our language and culture is not very adept at describing the different types of "Love" and how relationships evolve. The Greeks for example have many different words and concepts for the different types of love. I have a little training and have done a small amount of research into this that I would like to share with you all.

 

We all love differently. Think of it abstractly that we each have lock and a key. The lock is what we all need from our partner, and the key is what we can give to our partner (no sexual references intended here folks.)

 

The pieces that make up our lock are physical attractiveness, emotional support, friendship, understanding, sexual excitement, social regard and comfort.

 

At different times of our lives, both short term and long term, we emphasize different aspects of our lock. When we are younger, we tend to look more for physical attractiveness and sexual excitement. In our retirement years, friendship, comfort and understanding are on the whole more important.

 

We look for people that we perceive will fit our most salient "lock points". If we have been denied certain needs regarding say emotional support and cannot meet those needs, we drop our "requirements" of other lock points to get that need met. This is often when we get into bad relationships.

 

In addition, we change, adapt and grow in different ways. As we grow, our needs or lock points will change. This is how sometimes relationships that started so great, end up on the rocks as the people grow apart and they need different things that they are not getting from their partners.

 

Generally relationships flow in a pattern. The first stage is a euphoric sexual-physical stage where everything is amazing and your primary response pattern is emotional. This lasts for a period of months until the first joint life problem occurs that takes both of you dealing with it and each other. From that point onward the friendship; emotional support and understanding become very important in the relationships. At this point the euphoria of your relationship becomes cyclic and good mutual coping skills become very important. This is one reason a sense of humor between partners is such a vital component of successful relationships as humor is such a good coping mechanism.

 

So as to the question of can younger people be "in-love". I firmly believe that there is no doubt that even children as young as pre-school can be "in-love" with each other. Will they stay in love as time goes onward and their needs change? There is no way to tell with certainty what the future holds. We know that younger people will change and that their needs will change. The question is will their partners be able to give them what they need and if not, will they have the coping skills to be ok with that or will the missing need be so intense that they seek what they need elsewhere.

 

I hope you all found this of interest and of use..

 

~AzurePhoenix

[specialed242]

hey, i do believe that u can be in love at a younger age. im 16 and there is this girl that i have become very good friends with. about 3 months ago i fell in love with her. we have talked about it becasue i couldnt keep that bottled up and finally told her about how i felt. she is in a relationship right now. but she says she has strong feelings for me too. so i do believe that u can fall in love at a younger age. as long as u are mature enough to know the difference. some people in high school arent very mature yet (i know because i am in high school) and those people believe that every hot guy or girl they meet, they are "in love" with. however this is nothing but lust. i have never had a girlfriend. but there was a girl that i thought i loved. it turned out to b lust. but this girl i have fallen for this time is different. i dont like her just becasue of how she looks or dresses. i like her for her personality and how we connect so well mentally. i believe that this is in fact love. so i think u can b in love at a young age. u just have to be mature enough to tell the difference between love and lust.