Thinking about contacting your ex??

[Nana00]

DON'T!!! Just a reminder Remember, baby steps...one day at a time. Breath in and breath out. You will be okay!

 

Finished watching The Reader about an hour ago, a quote struck me...

 

Boy: "I didn't mean to upset you."

Girl: "You don't have the power to upset me. You don't matter enough to upset me!!"

 

Yeah! Take charge!

 

Not sure if I would recommend this movie for post breakup though. It's about a life long love affair.

[lvsthebeach]

Yes, don't. It will only cause you heartache. I made the mistake of going to see him on Saturday. BIG MISTAKE. It only made me feel worse, when it was him that I wanted to feel bad/sad. It does no good for either party. I need to get to the point that he doesn't have the power to upset me anymore.

 

It is a good movie but I agree, not for post breakup/divorce!

[Nappyloxs]

NC is very important.

 

My ex. and I broke up last August. After about two weeks, I started writing her the "last email," the "last text."

 

It was never really the last as I always had "something more to say" or "something I left out."

 

I wrote her every few days and it was always, always, "my last letter."

 

I eventually got my ex. back in December.

 

She had all the power. Everything became her way.

 

Last month, she dumped me again.

 

Yesterday, I looked at her FB and saw that she went on a hike. I got so pissed because I was jealous and because I wanted to share those moments with her. (Silly, I know).

 

I woke up this morning and wrote her a letter. It explained "everything" I have felt through the past 8 months since getting back together.

 

I wanted to post it here. I wanted to send it to her. I felt like "I need her to know how I feel."

 

So I waited. I walked, I did something for a few minutes. I came back and added some more to the letter.

 

Then I spoke with my mother. She told me all that stuff I didn't want to here. That I am giving ex. power. I am letting her know I haven't moved on. I am not allowing myself to move on. It won't be the "last" letter. Simply, don't send it.

 

She is right. No matter, how much I did not want to listen. I know she is right.

 

The original post is very true.

 

These "last" or "I have changed" letters are not worth it. You ex won't really care. They may pity you, they may get upset that you just don't get that they have moved on, they may feel like they have power and can have their cake and eat it too.

 

You will be upset that they did not respond or how they respond.

 

Do not give your exes the satisfaction or ability to hurt you again. If you and your ex. are "meant to be", don't worry. They will contact you. Don't contact them.

 

Don't give them the power to upset you.

[Nana00]

lvsthebeach and Nappyloxs, well said. NC is the only way to go! If they can have the power to not contact you, you can too!

 

You will have good days and bad days. Yes, today is a bad day for me. I wanted to text my ex and thought about what I would say...then I would say to myself...what difference would it make? Really. I feel really abandoned and wanted to run to him to seek comfort, then I realized we're done. Finished. Over. Broken. "It's called a breakup because it's broken"...forgot where I read this. It's quite interesting to have a conversation in my head... will be another day. It will be a better day.

 

Let's all march forward!! Keep up the NC!

[littlegirlblue]

 

Boy: "I didn't mean to upset you."

Girl: "You don't have the power to upset me. You don't matter enough to upset me!!"

 

 

Oh I like that! I'll have to remember that if he ever says that to my face again. He said it at the weekend too...i would have loved to have used that line.

[MeerMeer]

Thank you for the reminder. I did something really stupid in the last couple days and now need to restart with NC again.

 

My ex left me for another girl 1 1/2 month ago. We had been together for 4 years and were looking for a house, and both commited to live the rest of our lives together. This girl, which was his high school secret love, came to our city for a training and he couldn't help falling in love with her and dumped me.

 

After a big mess, I tried to put my pieces back together and start a new life without him. With my sister's help and a vacation away from my city, I manged to not contacting him for 24 days. When I came back to my city, I stuck to NC. Unfortunately, he started emailing me, calling me, and texting me. He told me he missed me and would like to see me. I was curious about how he was doing with the girl, so I called him back last Wednesday after not picking up his couple phone calls. We ended up talking on the phone for 2 hours. And basically, he told me he's confused about what he wanted. He said he missed all the simple and good times together with me and my son like a family, and even asked if I would take him back. But, yes but!! he was also talking about his future to live a life with the girl and her two children and to deal with her crazy ex-husband! He told me he was concerned about all the obtacles in front of them, but he does love her very much and she loves him too and she believed that love will conquer everything! My heart was aching listening to all these. But i manged to pretend that I didn't care and i was ready to move on.

 

His parents called me the next day, telling me that he will cool down with the girl and they really hope he will be together with me to live a happy life. I didn't deny that I would forgive him and wait for him. They were happy and told me that they always treated me and my son as their family, and they missed us. I guess this gave me false hope of getting back with him again.

 

Thursday night, i couldn't help calling him again, because he told me the girl was coming to our city to spend the weekend with him, and i got so jealous! He met me in Starbucks and I pretended to just want the money he borrowed from me back. Deep inside my heart, I was dying of jealousy and wanted him back so badly! He stayed for about half an hour, and left to be with the girl!

 

I knew that they were together Friday and Saturday and I manged not to call again. Sunday night, i told myself I was just going to see if his car was outside of his house and if not then they must be together then I should call it a closure to this breakup. I drove by, his car was not there, I called his cell phone, confirmed that he's with her, but I couldn't just let it go! I called again, said if you really missed me as you said, why don't you leave her now and come to my place? And he did! Half an hour later, he's in my apartment and texting the girl that he's at his own house and is going to sleep! But the truth was, he stayed with me for the night! He tried to seduce me but of course I didn't have sex with him, but we did sleep in the same bed. To have him back beside me holding my hand was just so magically good!! Even though I know he loves the girl but not me. I am an idot I know!

Yesterday, Monday night, I couldn't help calling him again! D**n it!!

Now i am back in a black hole, hurting inside like hell! I know i have no choice but to let go, and the only way I can make it happen is NC. Today is Tuesday, i am gonna count the days, and be strong, and no no no no no No Contact!

[Nana00]

MeerMeer, you deserve better!! You shouldn't have to share the love of your life with someone else. It speaks volumes when he's putting you through this. Let him go.

[lvsthebeach]

MeerMeer, I feel for you so much b/c I understand! It is so hard. I know that I cannot talk to him or see him. It kills me. He doesn't want me. I need to not communicate with him. The only way I will is through email and regarding our home. Other than that, I will not. I had a great relationship with his parents as well. The day we got married, his mother told me that I was now her daughter and she has always treated me like that. I have only spoken to my inlaws once since we have seperated (now divorcing). It is so sad b/c it is a loss/death. Be strong. This board really helps. It has helped me, people are out there to support you!!

[MeerMeer]

lvsthebeach, you are right, it's d**m hard! Especially when I am alone as the sun sets, I miss him so much and can't stop making up excuses of calling him and go over converstaions I might have with him in my brain. I am sorry that you need to keep a communication with your ex regarding your home, it probably makes it even harder. I have a similar situation too, he borrowed some money from me and can't pay it off right now, it's gonna take some time. It sucks, i know. The lucky thing for you is, at least he is not dating someone to drive you insane.

I don't know how long it's gonna hurt like this. Everytime he talks to me, he makes it sounds like I still have a chance to get back, but at the same time, he does show that he loves this girl madly. He even asked me to give him advice when he felt confused about his future with the girl. He used to be my man, now he's making love with someone else and asking me to help him make the decision for their future!

We had a really good time together in the past 4 years, only had two or three mild fights. I always belived that he's gonna be with me forever. but now he dumped me in a flash without mercy. How could he just walk away from a 4 year relationship like dropping a hat? I hurts me the most!

[MeerMeer]

MeerMeer, you deserve better!! You shouldn't have to share the love of your life with someone else. It speaks volumes when he's putting you through this. Let him go.

 

Thanks Nana. He doesn't love me anymore, I should let him go. And I think i will. Yes, I will.

[sunday2010]

DON"T DON'T DON'T.. my ex contacted me and I'm a mess today a bloody mess

 

everybody says here don't do it and you know why it takes you back to day 1 and you are no better...

 

I got the call an hour ago and I'm no good at all.

 

There was so much unsaid still.. all i did was brag about me god I sounded like a fool.