littlegirlblue

Well I've made the decision to go on this date tonight. Your absence in the last week has just backed up that the fact you said you're missing me more than you realised was a load of crap. How i would love to text you and tell you i'm going on a date but it's really none of your business. At least i know there's no danger of me going on the rebound unlike you. My friend told me you're still texting her after the honeytrap she made for you. I still don't agree at all with what she did but it's making me see how you cannot be trusted. I feel sorry for this new girl. You're just repeating the cycle you did with me. You don't care about anyone's feelings other than your own. Both she and I are just pawns in your little game. so im going on this date and all the damage you did to my confidence in the past is exactly that, in the past. This guy seems nice and appears to want to get to know me. You're not going to dampen my thoughts that i will not meet someone else. I will find happiness in that respect some day whereas you will just jump from rebound to rebound hurting people along the way. I think i may send you a book through the post "How To Make Friends and Influence People"....you need it!

so you've been back from your parents for over a day now. decided to text me to ask about your electricity and gas accounts to see if i could help with them, told me you'd been to see the doctor at the centre today, asked how my therapy session went....but never bothered to say when you're bringing over my case. Missed me? Last friday you said you were missing me more than you thought you would...actions my friend. What lies. Your rebound newbie girl is probably back home with you or as events have shown over the past few days, possibly even another girl. Maybe even N!!! She's always desperate to cling on to you...but hey, so am i. How sad are we? You're not even that much of a good catch now. I knew you before when you were stable. I fell in love with you. These girls are seeing you for warts and all right at the start. Maybe they're lucky.

I miss hearing your voice. I miss your smile. I miss looking in to your eyes. I miss cuddling up next to you in bed. I miss your laugh. I miss your smell. I miss your touch. I miss running my hands through your hair. I miss your silly little words for things. I miss watching movies together. I miss laughing with you. I miss us both playing with our dog. I miss coming home to you. I miss falling asleep next to you. I miss wakening up next to you and kissing your head when i leave for work. I miss watching you sleep. I miss making you your morning coffee. I miss you so much my life just feels completely empty even though i'm slowly bringing new and exciting things in to my life. I've been asked out on a date this saturday by a nice guy. I turned him down the last time. I don't know if i can face is. He's not you. I don't want to fill the void you have left by latching on to someone else like you obviously have done. Why can't we just turn back the clock? Why can't it be like the days in kent and folkestone again? You still look at me with that look you gave me all the time back then. You did it the last time i saw you. Why are you destroying it all? You seem very interested in my therapy sessions. Why? The crazy part in my head wonders if you're deliberately letting me go to heal myself and be the person you said i should be. To learn to like myself. The sane part of me thinks you want to know if i'm talking about you. I still want you back more than anything. I hate that. Reality tells me you're not coming back this time. It's been 6 weeks today since you ended it. 6 weeks since you turned my world upside down but do you know what? In that 6 weeks i've been to hell and back but i've also grown in confidence and my self esteem has not taken a battering. I know there's nothing wrong with me and that you're the issue here. You're going to see a new me when you see me next. Even my friends and work colleagues have noticed the difference. I have been chosen to train people in my team and even my new team manager on how to do her new job. I'm getting there. My confidence is slowly rising. Watch out "babe", there's a new girl in town!

So Scott just text me saying he saw you walking the dog up the road. So you're back from your parents. here i am waiting for a text that i shouldn't be waiting for. The "Can i bring over your case?" Why?? What the hell is wrong with me? I'm getting so tired of all this. Physcially and mentally. You're continuously draining the life out of me and i'm allowing it to happen. Every time i pick myself up i feel like i can take on the world but when i fall again, i fall harder. The times i'm picking myself up are few and far between these days. I have to get stronger and get you out of my life for good!

i'm missing you so very much today. I don't know why after finding out about your chats on msn with another girl while you're will "the one" or "rebound" or whatever you're classing her as these days. You really don't deserve for me to miss you. You've brought more anguish and pain in to my life in the past 2 years than happiness. I just understood because you were ill but i can't keep using that as an excuse just like you can't.

just to let you know i'm still feeling like complete and utter crap today. You emailing me at my work address after working hours asking me if i was still able to look after the dog while you go to NY just annoyed me. Saying that you're newbie girl...rebound whatever you're now calling her...has offered but you'd be happier that he was with me annoyed me even more. Then finishing the email with "I'll be on msn tonight if you want a chat". Well i was on msn all of last night and you weren't on once. I didn't know you were going to be on there until i got in to work today. You're so full of lies! So yeah I'm still feeling like utter rubbish today....happy???!

I want this pain to stop. I want to stop crying. You're destroying me. I feel a complete fool. Today is the lowest I've felt yet. I feel physically sick knowing you're with her and telling me she's a rebound yet you've obviously not ended it. I wish i had her number to forward on that text! You can't play people like that if you don't mean it. Why do you have to be so cruel!!? I just want to go to sleep and never wake up and it's all because of you. Why did you have to tell me those lies! If it's not lies why won't you contact me again? why is she putting up photos you've obviously taken on her FB page?? I'm a complete mess today and you'll know nothing about it. I wish you could feel half the pain i'm feeling right now!

i want to believe that you miss me. I wish it was true but it's not. I wish i hadn't spoken to you on friday now. You know you'll have planted a tiny seed of hope back in my heart again. I'm not letting it grow. Not for you anyway.

God it hurts today! I miss you so much. I wanted so much to call you yesterday. You never asked me to call again. I guess you were drunk on Friday? I couldn't tell as i was drunk. I just want you to come back to me. Why do you say you miss me? Do you really or were you just trying to find out if i missed you? Why mention that you thought of me sexually and missed my smile and all that? Why!? Why all that and now nothing again? Why are you still with someone you referred to as a rebound?...because you don't want to be alone? You had me. I gave you everything i had and tried to give more. It hurts so much that someone you called a rebound is getting to hold you, kiss you, see you smile and hear you laugh, cuddle up with our dog, throw sticks for him. That's just not fair. I walked past where we first met today. I just wanted to cry. I'm crying now. It's been about a week since i last cried. I thought about how happy and positive you were. What happened? 2 years after that you changed. Where did that S go? What happened to us? You said on the phone on friday we have a connection. You're right, we do but you keep pushing me away. What are you so scared of!? I just want you to come back. I want to help you get better now that it seems like you're getting the proper support from doctors and your parents. Why couldn't this have happened when we were together? I just want you to come back...

your silence yesterday says it all. I hope you read my text and take in what i said. I cannot be part of your life. It hurts way too much especially that you would rather be with a rebound who makes you feel old! Now i have friends telling me this newbie girl has changed her profile pic on FB to a photo of her throwing a stick for MY dog...OUR dog...at the beach! You said she doesn't even like dogs. I'm sick fed up of this hurt. I'm sick fed up of feeling like i'm slowly moving forward and you do one thing like say you miss me and i'm almost back to the start again. I bet you won't even reply back to my text. Stop playing games with me!

When the rain is blowing in your face And the whole world is on your case I could offer you a warm embrace To make you feel my love When the evening shadows and the stars appear And there is no one there to dry your tears I could hold you for a million years To make you feel my love I know you haven't made your mind up yet But I would never do you wrong I've known it from the moment that we met No doubt in my mind where you belong I'd go hungry, I'd go black and blue I'd go crawling down the avenue No, there's nothing that i wouldn't do To make you feel my love The storms are raging on the rolling sea And on the highway of regret Though winds of change are throwing wild and free You ain't seen nothing like me yet I could make you happy, make your dreams come true Nothing that I wouldn't do Go to the ends of the earth for you To make you feel my love

i loved talking to you last night. hearing your voice. hearing you say you missed me but i cannot let my guard down. I think it's great you're finally getting proper help though. I don't know if i should call you like you asked today. I miss you so much! x

i miss you so much just now. I always miss you when i'm heading to bed. I would love to be able to meet for a coffee but i just can't. There would be no point anymore. You're gone. You can't be in my life now not unless you want to get back together and you sort yourself out by getting the help you need. I can't offer you anything else. I'm sorry. i love you so much. Good night xx

So you want to meet for a coffee when you get back from your parents? Nice. Is that so you can just make sure I'm still hanging on to hope. To boost your ego? To boast about "the one". What exactly do you plan to get out of seeing me again? To check i haven't moved on as I've not been contacting you all that often and you think i'm still not talking to my friends? You'd be shocked to hear what I've been up to but as much as I would take such pleasure in telling you, I don't want to waste my breath on you any longer. I'm sure you'll find a suitable replacement for coffee meetings...oh no...wait ...you already did! The meeting for coffee request?...sing for it! I'm not going! Leave me alone!

I can't sleep for thinking about you. I want to text you and say she can't be the one. She can't love you like I do but it's setting in that the chances of her being the one are the same as her not being the one. Knowing my luck you'll sort yourself out and treat her like a queen and live happily ever after while i struggle to trust again and hate myself thinking what was so wrong with me that you couldn't stay with me. argh...2 days you've got me down not and it's quickly heading in to 3 again...please stop being in my thoughts!