lvsthebeach

Hurting today. I don't love you anymore. I don't want to be with you. I don't like the person you became. But then was do I still hurt?

Again, I am completely happy in my decision to leave you. You have/had no feelings for my feelings what so ever. Looking back over the phone records again, I see that. While on vacation with your wife (me), you made time to talk to her. Makes me so sick to my stomach. I hate what you have done to me. How you have made me feel. I am doing the right thing. I HAVE to get you out of my mind. I am not ashamed of anything that I have done b/c I can hold my head high. You are the one who should feel shame. You are the most dishonest and hateful person that I have ever known. I hate Liars! And you are one. And I stayed with you for way too long. Thanks for hurting me b/c it gave me the power to leave you and our distructive marriage/life. It would have continued on a downward spiral leading us both to horrible places! I am mentally cussing you out. You make me sick!

I was doing so good today. 2 weeks NC, then I found out that you are going to the beach next week. The time that we would have been going every year for 10 years. The same place that we go every year just one condo complex over. I guess that it just really hurt. I don't know why. I am going to another beach for a couple of days with my family. I guess the fact that you are going to the exact same place we always went. And you are going by yourself!?!? I guess sitting on the beach all day/night and drinking is what you want or need. What a lonely life. I do not thing I could go to the exact same place. It was our place/our time together. But I hope that you remember that is the same place where it all started. When you 2 really started talking. Remember, I have all the phone records. I should not let something like this hurt me b/c I don't care for you. And I don't think that you even care for my feelings, it probably doesn't even phase you. Go, have fun.

I do not even know who you are anymore. You are an addict. Addicted to alcohol and now porn. You ordered 3 hours of porn on PPV??!!?? You subscribed to a porn website??What is your problem?? You are a lonely person. Sitting in an empty house, drinking and watching porn. Wow, did I get out in time or what? Who have you become? You are not the person that I thought I was married to for 11 years. Maybe you were always that way and just hid it from me. Maybe that is why you were not happy with me or our life b/c you wanted to be involved with things that I was not interested with. Porn doesn't bother me per se but damn, sitting there watching it by yourself and drinking!! What a horrible life. You are going in a downward spiral. Not something that I want in my life and am glad that I am not in it anymore.

Got your email this morning. I had that sick feeling in my stomach seeing your name in my Inbox. Thank you for doing what I asked. I replied simply. I didn't even put my name at the bottom of the response. I am still feeling a little sick. Just when you are out of my mind, you pop back. Grr. I hate that feeling. I will be at K's lake house this weekend. Relaxing and having a good time. There are memories of us there but I can't let that effect my time there. We were there together 9 days before I found out about her. We had a good time. Then to think that it all came crashing down 9 days later. Wow. I simply cannot wait until you are completely out of my life. No verbal contact and very little email has been great but we still have to communicate b/c of the house. Ready for it to sell and for the divorce to be final. Then we will never have to talk/email to one another again. What a sad ending to a 14 year relationship.......

Someone told me that you posted on FB that you had a "Really, Really Bad Monday". AWWW, were you hurting? Are your feelings hurt? Mine have been hurt for years!! I have had many bad days during this time. Days that I didn't want to get out of bed, days that I wished I had never found out about her. But I am glad that I did! I am moving on. No more bad days for me. There may be little setbacks but I refuse to have a ruined day. 14 years of our life is over, I can't live in the past. I have to move forward! I will not let this ruin my life!!

Venting.... Seriously! You had to hire someone to cut the grass and trim the bushes! You have a $3500 riding lawn mower and more yard tools than I could count! You had to hire someone to clean the gutters and pressure wash the deck and siding!! You could have borrowed your dad's, you have before. I am floored. You, who would never hire anyone to do anything. You always had to do it yourself. Are you that distraught! You wanted this. You were done and wanted out. You cheated to get out. I just can't believe that you are paying someone to do those things. It just really surprises me. Didn't you tell me that you didn't have any extra money? I guess it is none of my business how you spend your money as long as your part of the house payment is being made. I am making my half and I am not even living there!! Okay, done venting....I so wanted to reply to the email he sent me and the realtor but knew that I should do it on here. I feel much better!

I really hate you right now. Thinking about all the lies. 14 years worth. I wish that you could have been man enough to just tell me. I don't love you anymore and I can say that now without a single tear coming out of my eyes.

How can you tell me that I blew it out of proportion?? 950 phone calls and I am suppose to be okay with that!!??!! You were just friends?? AAAWWWW, I want to punch you so bad! You have hurt me more than you will ever know! You are an alcoholic and a liar! It is not all my fault!! Lazy, me? What about all the time you slept until 11 or 12?? What was that?? Sorry, I think that is a tad lazy. Oh, wait, you were sleeping it off from drinking all night! Blame me, that is what you are good at. Can't take responsibility for your own actions. I made you do it! Right, I held a gun to your head and told you to say and do all those hateful things. You are a coward! I can't let you control me anymore. 14 years was way too long. I hurt and will hurt but I WON'T ever let you see it again! I hope that you are happy in what was our home, all alone, no furniture, drinking....I am glad that I am not there. I can't be responsible for you anymore.