Is he attracted or why did he do this?

[snuupi]

I know I've posted 2 or 3 threads before about this guy.

 

But today he did something that really surprised me and I never thought he would do.

 

We hadn't had contact for about 3 days, although before that we've met or at least chatted everyday for about one month.

 

An hour ago I was at a friend of his and mine's house and we were talking and my cellphone rang. I got a SMS.. written by him.

 

it said

"what a strange moment i'm online and notice that i haven't heard from you the last few days.. so i just wanted to ask for your wellbeing and what you're doing

 

I was just ... very very very surprised..!!

Our friend was online and wrote him that I am at his house.

 

Later I went home and online but he wasn't there anymore. So I answered him. Just a few minutes later he came online and wrote something like

"i actually wanted to sleep.. but i just can't so i came online again

 

Of course it seems as if he just came online because he wanted to chat with me.. it was just minutes after I sent him this SMS .. was already sad because he didn't answer and then he really came online! Although I jsut answererd something like "straneg moment back it's only midnight and you're not online so i'm good and you? just chilling on my sofa at home.. how about you?"

 

We're chatting now and I'm going on holidays tomorrow night. He talked about coming with me and my friends and hiding in my suitcase.. but because he's too heavy I should send him a postcard .. he would be happy then..

 

 

So do you think he is attracted to me or has this just happened by accident?

[ToF]

If the guy has a girlfriend, then he's talking to you in order to keep you around. Sorry to say it

 

He wants you to be available to him in case he gets bored or restless, or in case things don't work out with his girlfriend. Basically, you're the back-up plan. The plan B.

 

I would get out of that situation as quickly as possible...

[snuupi]

If the guy has a girlfriend, then he's talking to you in order to keep you around. Sorry to say it

 

That's what I was thinking about as well.. but then a friend of mine said that we've just known each other for about a month and that he perhaps wants to check out if it's worth leaving his gf for me..

 

I don't know what to think..

[ToF]

That's what I was thinking about as well.. but then a friend of mine said that we've just known each other for about a month and that he perhaps wants to check out if it's worth leaving his gf for me..

 

I don't know what to think..

 

How do YOU feel about that? Are you willing to be "that girl"?

 

True, if he wants to leave his girlfriend then he will do it with or without your help, but do you really want to be involved in all that?

 

And this is the big issue: if he is checking you out as potential dating material while he's still dating his girlfriend, then he is likely to do the same thing to you if you do start dating him. This guy has a wandering eye and you just happen to be the current "flavor of the month".

 

Honestly, this speaks volumes about his character. He "perhaps wants to check out if it's worth leaving his gf" for you?? What is this, is he comparison shopping for an insurance company or a cell phone provider??

 

He's got a girlfriend, yet he's casually shopping around for someone else. And you are ACTUALLY considering dating him...

[AndiD]

That's what I was thinking about as well.. but then a friend of mine said that we've just known each other for about a month and that he perhaps wants to check out if it's worth leaving his gf for me..

 

I don't know what to think..

 

If that's what he's doing, I'd think "If I date this guy, he will be hitting on chicks online to check out if its worth leaving me for them."

[xyzzzz]

weird..am i the only one who doesn feel he's necessarily flirting?

i dont feel surprised at all when he asked ur wellbeing cuz i say things like that all the time..and he came online can simpliy because he felt bored?.i even talked to someone till 2 am and it doesnt mean i like him

About coming with u,this can be flirtatious,depends on the way he put it..but once my guy friend said he was going to new zealand i said "i wish i could go!"..but i think i made myself clear by adding "cuz NZ is beautiful" or something...not cuz of him..hehe..

well either case..why do u care?..u better dont do anything with him since he's taken.

[agatha]

I happen to agree with xyzzzzz: the fellow may be just being friendly. I don't see no particular flirting there...

 

don't get emotionally attached, and keep him at a polite distance for as long as he is with another girl, and add a month to that time. if there's anything to be found, time will tell.

[t3nder_v1ttl3s]

This is true as hard as it can be to accept. Sometimes you have to try and take the emotion out of it and believe me I know how hard that can be when you're really smitten with someone.

[Bismark776]

I think he is flirting and he may want to leave his girlfriend for you but I don't think that should make you wary. I guess if they've been dating a really long time thats one thing but I left a girl for another girl and ended up dating the new girl for 4.5 years until she dumped me. Just because someone amazing that really gets your heart going comes along and makes you want to stray that doesn't mean you have a "wandering eye".

[ToF]

Just because someone amazing that really gets your heart going comes along and makes you want to stray that doesn't mean you have a "wandering eye".

 

This is a really valid point. But I think that if this is the case in the OP's situation, then this guy needs to make up his mind before talking to the OP again. He has a girlfriend, and needs to respect that even if he's considering breaking it off. For the sake of his girlfriend, he should limit of cut off contact with the OP until he decides what he wants.

[Bismark776]

This is a really valid point. But I think that if this is the case in the OP's situation, then this guy needs to make up his mind before talking to the OP again. He has a girlfriend, and needs to respect that even if he's considering breaking it off. For the sake of his girlfriend, he should limit of cut off contact with the OP until he decides what he wants.

 

I definitely agree with you here. He owes it to his current GF to be up front and make a decision, he also owes it to the OP to not lead her on, not test things out with her, and not keep her around as a backup just in case. If I were you, snuupi, I would be direct and talk to him about it.

[t3nder_v1ttl3s]

I think he is flirting and he may want to leave his girlfriend for you but I don't think that should make you wary. I guess if they've been dating a really long time thats one thing but I left a girl for another girl and ended up dating the new girl for 4.5 years until she dumped me. Just because someone amazing that really gets your heart going comes along and makes you want to stray that doesn't mean you have a "wandering eye".

 

You may be right but as the outsider looking in what assumption would you make about a girl who had a bf flirting heavily with you and showing signs of interest? What if she ends up messing around with you or sleeping with you? I know that in the back of my mind no matter how much I like her I will have a small seed of doubt about how faithful a girl she’d be to me since she is so willing to start something up with me while she is in a relationship with someone else. It’s just common sense. It may be true that not everyone would turn out to be unfaithful to you. But you can’t possibly know that about someone so you naturally wonder about them because of what their behavior indicates about them. The way they are behaving indicates they are someone who is very likely to stray at some point.

[snuupi]

well.. i don't know what's going on with him... i don't understand him.

 

we were in a disco two nights ago and everytime he had no one to talk or dance to he stared at me, talked to me, danced with me, was kidding around with me or hugging me.

 

okay, he was a little bit drunk, but still...

 

on the one hand i thought it was fun..but on the other hand??

 

today i went for work and during the break got a SMS by him. answered and got another one. how it was going and how long i needed to stay there.

no other friend would text me for that. and no other friend did.

 

i don't want to think about every little detail, but in a strnage way i have to...

[ToF]

No, you really don't have to consider every little detail. That's your choice. You chose to allow him to dance with you, touch you, flirt with you, etc. If you were to distance yourself from him and let him figure things out with his girlfriend, then you would not think about these things so much.

 

This guy is messing with your head. If you really want him, then make a move. He's the one with the responsibility to his girlfriend, not you. So it's his choice to allow something to develop with you or not. But if you don't want to do that, then back off or you WILL get hurt. Just remember that he is not the only one to blame here.