Stuck... Frustrated? ... life (ughh)

[wlh22]

Let me start by saying - I thank god for what I have - family, health, food and shelter (some people don't even have that).

 

I don't even know how to put my emotions into words. But I will try.

 

Thanks to anyone who reads this for helping me and for your patience.

 

I was very happy in my home country (I am from a diff country). I had a decent job (worked in IT). I fell in love with this beautiful girl whom I believed and adored. I always knew I was smart and could do a lot in life. But I have never been behind money.

 

As I started thinking about my future and career, I always felt I could do a lot more. I wanted to contribute to community, society but also use my skills. So, I decided to do my MBA. I came to the US with a HUGE student loan. My gf came around the same time to work in US (different city). We were in LDR and I was so excited about business school and what all I will do in future.

 

In between the graduate school, my gf left me (breakup was not amicable as she mostly left me to be with someone else or at least found someone right away) and gave me no reason for leaving (you can read my posts if you are interested). It was a shock for me and I struggled with the breakup and went into depression for a while.

 

This breakup affected my study and more importantly my decision making for my career (as I felt completely lost because when I came to US I assumed she would stay with me in US till I paid my debt). I felt alone and lost. I got a job offer when I was in school and accepted it without much thought.

 

I asked God why he did this? I loved someone dearly and she changed. I blamed myself for focusing on my career/study (maybe not giving her enough time).

 

Now it's been a year since I graduated and working with this company. I have a well paying job in a good city. But that's it. The job is not challenging. my boss and teammates are really a scene from 'office space' (movie) and the job turned out to be now what I was promised/thought.

 

I went to HR and after discussing my situation they were ok with me changing the department. But since last 3 months, I am trying to change the department, again luck is not helping me. I am trying but nothing goes through. And meanwhile, my boss and others are treating me almost like I don't exists (because I am leaving the department sometime soon). I feel horrible going to work everyday but if I don't change my jobs anytime soon, I fear I may be kicked out.

 

So, after thinking a lot I decided to look outside for jobs (I need a visa, so its not easy to find jobs). I got one interview with a good firm after some struggle but unfortunately even that didn't go through.

 

 

Now, I feel like I lost love for my career and now even career seems to be going south. I can't leave the country because I have the student loan. I can't quit my job without having another job (visa issues).

 

My confidence has taken a toll and sometimes I just question - WHY? I am doing everything I can but things just don't fall into place.

 

Does God want me to something different? What does he want from me?

 

What am I doing wrong?

 

Today I have been feeling terrible sitting at home - just depressed thinking I had so many dreams for my career - but maybe all is gone... love / career...

 

 

I will try... But I am finding it difficult.

 

 

Thoughts/inputs/comments/suggestions are most welcome.

[catfeeder]

I think everyone goes through temporary holding patterns, and although they can be frustrating, 'temporary' is the key word.

 

I believe things need to align before the right changes can occur. In other words, everything is not all about ME, there are other players involved in every situation. So I look at these times as a test of my patience, my endurance, my resiliency. I stretch myself to invest my focus on the micro rather than feed my frustrations trying to figure out the macro that won't seem to budge. I dig deep and demo my best generosity toward the people around me, and this keeps me engaged, prevents me from turning self-centered and keeps my gratitude in good form.

 

Often these times end with a big !snAp! like a rubber band, and everything moves at once out of nowhere. It's darkest before the dawn--or something like that.

 

Hang in there.

[catfeeder]

Also, I'm curious about your original goal to contribute to community and society. Why are you sitting around getting depressed when there are plenty of opportunities to volunteer your time to people or a cause that could use your help? Maybe you're stagnation is trying to tell you that YOU need to move the first brick in the wall?

 

My best,

Cat

[wlh22]

Thank you catfeeder. I think I am getting into a stage where I question if I should believe 'it will end in a good snap / bang moment'. When it takes tooooo long, its just difficult to believe if its going to end.

 

I pray to God that it should end soon and in a good way. Thank you for reading my post and your comments.

 

About volunteering - Yes. I started doing weekend volunteering (as I work on weekdays). However, since the past couple of months, I am really getting annoyed/loosing confidence/morale/frustrated about the situation I am in - as it seems this doesn't end - I have not volunteered as much.

 

Maybe I should do more... Thanks again Catfeeder.

 

 

Maybe for some people my post be a surprise - i.e. I have a good salary and job but still I am complaining - but my frustration is really reaching the limits now and nothing seems to change even when I try.

 

I will keep pushing though.

[wlh22]

no one else? People -

[AuthenticAuthor]

I live in a town frought with horrible jobs and in the middle of nowhere too thanks to the decisions of my parents. I graduated two years ago thinking I'd do marginally well at least. Now I still live with my parents, have no friends, and am growing increasingly worried about whether I'll ever be happy with who I am.

 

Its a difficult to remain positive these days when you're seen as a leech by most people. My advice is to just step back for a moment and contemplate what you really want out of life. Do you really need to be working so hard for so little? I'm not talking money here; I'm talking about love.

 

I don't care who you are, but with enough love you can retire without a penny to your name. Perhaps you ought to seek love again too.

[wlh22]

True AuthenticAuthor,

 

But I have posted too many posts in "healing after breakup forum" ... so finding love again in itself is a complex thing for me... seeking it - Yes - I am doing it... I have a date this weekend...

 

 

Thanks for the note