How to NOT Become a Safety Net

[hellohello1]

while this may seem obvious, i am interested in looking at ideas that will refrain the "dumpee" from becoming the "dumper's" safety net. if anyone wants to list ideas i think it would be great

[Kingston3]

2 words - no contact.

[hellohello1]

what if you are in a position where that is not always possible? working in the same building, etc.

[odile]

Or very low contact, conducted with a cool and cordial demeanor.

[hellohello1]

right now, my position is that he has slowly came towards me after me not initiating contact for over a month..slowly contacting me every few days, have talked about hanging out, possibly going on a date..

 

i dont want to discourage him from doing this by completely ignoring him..

[russ978]

what if you are in a position where that is not always possible? working in the same building, etc.

 

Unless you work in the same division as her etc...you still don't need to talk to her...just treat her like the 50 other people in your building whose names you don't know etc...

[TSandullo]

Odile sums it up well. Be polite yet 'urge' him to kindly get on with his work and you with yours.

 

Though remember that whatever you do, it wont guarantee a gbt, safety net or otherwise.

[whatnow23]

I agree with Kingston go with NC because no matter how tempting it might seem to remain in contact and no matter how much hope you think there is, it ALWAYS ends the same way. It always ends with you being there chasing a carrot she dangles in front of you until she finds someone else who she sees the slightest potential in. Learn from me man I was in the postition and I did not listen when they said go with NC because I thought I had it good and things were getting better but really like I said it always ends the same way man. You can read countless variations of similar scenarios but the dumpee is always just a safety net. I know you are probably thinking this guy is such a pessimist his situation must not have been as good as mine and I know thats what you are thinking because thats what I thought when people told me to go NC and now I wish I would have listened. TRUST ME GO NO CONTACT.

[bungalo]

Develop strong personal boundaries.

[Baurman]

Put your foot down. Don't let her control you. Don't always be available for her, make her chase you. Simple as that.

[LizS]

I totally agree with setting boundaries for yourself. I think no contact is a good way to go for many situations, but not all. In those cases where you do have some contact, you need to be aware of your boundaries and be careful.

Also agree with Baurman, as long as the dumper knows you're always around and available to them, you will be a safety net in a way. You can't always be available and willing to do whatever they want you to do.