im_the_undead Posted July 29, 2010 Share Posted July 29, 2010 i can't grasp the concept. HOW am i supposed to be okay with spending not only weekdays alone, but weedends as well..with noone to see or talk to besides the same unpleasent faces you share your home with..who don't even want you around anyway? ughh. after a while.. over reading and cooking gets boring as hell and nothing on the internet or on t.v. can push away the depression. i hate having become emotionally dependant on a person other than myself. not used to such a thing.. a retarded move in life which i must now carry with me. fml Link to comment
90_hour_sleep Posted July 29, 2010 Share Posted July 29, 2010 i don't think it just happens. give yourself a break. you invested heavily in something. it's easy to get swept away in something that feels so good. for a time, nothing else much matters...and you get completely accustomed to just feeling good...and attaching that other person to the way you feel. the truth is, no one can make you feel that way. whatever you felt, it came from you. and on the flip side, something inside of you is leading you to the feelings you're having now. it's worth exploring. makes sense that nothing makes you feel better. distractions aren't much more than short term comfort. you do it...i do it...we all do it. it feels easier. who wants to hurt? i think you get to the point where you realize that hurting is all you can do. give yourself permission. jump into it. really feel it. you're not crazy. be gentle with yourself. letting go comes with that. Link to comment
im_the_undead Posted July 29, 2010 Author Share Posted July 29, 2010 thank you for the nice words. but sometimes i feel like i'm an involuntary emotional masochist or something, because i'd much rather hurt then just let go of my relationshi t . . or than to feeling nothing at all. everyone really thinks i'm retarded, they tell me so. lol and i don't really know what i'm holding on to other than his smile & the fairytale in my head. pathetic. Link to comment
90_hour_sleep Posted July 29, 2010 Share Posted July 29, 2010 thank you for the nice words. but sometimes i feel like i'm an involuntary emotional masochist or something, because i'd much rather hurt then just let go of my relationshi t . . or than to feeling nothing at all. everyone really thinks i'm retarded, they tell me so. lol and i don't really know what i'm holding on to other than his smile & the fairytale in my head. pathetic. lol...yep. the background noise...the little story that's constantly playing itself in the back of your mind. makes one a little nutty sometimes...doesn't it? that seems like a good start. well...really, it's the only place to start. why not start with exactly what you have. there are steps to letting go. one of the first steps is to realize that you're holding onto something that's hurting you. it's almost compulsive, isn't it? like maybe you just can't help yourself. sometimes the fantasy feels better than having nothing at all. do you find yourself day-dreaming alot? i still do that sometimes...with various people that have been a part of my life. it gets better. you'll be day-dreaming one day, and then you'll just stop. instead of being LOST in the fantasy...you'll be there...witnessing it. that might just lead to a bit of clarity. i remember a few times when it happened for me...and it actually made me just laugh. i was still sad...like there was this tender spot inside that was kind of swelling. it's a different kind of feeling though. it doesn't feel hopeless. it still hurts...but it's not spinning out of control. i guess it comes down to a change in perspective. accepting that it's really okay to feel that way. it's okay to feel lost. it's okay to feel hopeless. it's okay to feel embarassed and depressed. it happens. the more you tune in to exactly what you're feeling, the more adept you'll become at dealing with whatever rolls into your life. doesn't that sound a bit liberating? it doesn't mean you'll never hurt again...just that you'll be ever to roll right along with it. sometimes helpful to remind yourself that there are cycles in life. might be good times vs bad times...high times vs low times. sometimes everything's going ''right''...sometimes everything's going "wrong". all part of it. might be your time to regenerate. might be time to shift your focus. you'll figure it out though. just remember the gentleness. you really can be your own best friend. Link to comment
everybodyknows Posted July 29, 2010 Share Posted July 29, 2010 thank you for the nice words. but sometimes i feel like i'm an involuntary emotional masochist or something, because i'd much rather hurt then just let go of my relationshi t . . or than to feeling nothing at all. everyone really thinks i'm retarded, they tell me so. lol and i don't really know what i'm holding on to other than his smile & the fairytale in my head. pathetic. I understand this feeling completely. Your pain and sorrow is basically the last connection you have to the relationship now that he's gone. It's a scary feeling to even WANT to let go of that last thread. I don't have very much advice for you accept to take it day by day and as someone up there said, go easy on yourself and let time do its work to heal your broken heart. The future might seem pretty hopeless and bleak now without him in it, but don't worry you will eventually find things to fill your time and there will be something new to put in your future that you will look forward to everyday. Put yourself first, love, love, love yourself, and please take care of yourself! It still hurts for me, but it gets better over time, i promise! you're in my thoughts! Link to comment
ColdasHoth Posted July 29, 2010 Share Posted July 29, 2010 and i don't really know what i'm holding on to other than his smile & the fairytale in my head. pathetic. I am right there with you if it helps- which I know it doesn't... I have been feeling myself letting go, and there is something in my mind that kinda of panics and grasps to keep the "good" unreciprocated feelings. For what reason, for what good, for whatever reason I have no idea! It's sick it truly is! I hate the situation and I am SO tried of being "lifeless" but I panic when I feel myself beginning to feel nothing... I guess mine is that hope that things will make a 180- when logically they probably won't. Distractions do help but you inevitably wind up going to bed alone, with nothing to keep you from remembering or thinking... One day at a time is the best solution- it's terrible. I hate it. But there is no way around it. Link to comment
sunday2010 Posted July 29, 2010 Share Posted July 29, 2010 I'm here living it too, the loliness and dread, I'm over it as well .I can';t even get a decent date and its now 3 months after we broke up ist tiresome and I'm over being alone!!!! Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted July 29, 2010 Share Posted July 29, 2010 I think it really helps to have friends. Do you have other people that you can rely on and talk to? Link to comment
im_the_undead Posted July 29, 2010 Author Share Posted July 29, 2010 Yes, i do day dream a lot. No, i don't really have friends anymore.. the friends i trusted did me wrong so i just walked away, not an easy thing to do but what ever. now i'm bf-less. but the thing is, it's even harded to move on when the ex. shows up at my house or calls me.. it's all cute and sweet for a good five minutes or so... but since he's not a normal guy who can just enjoy the time, we always end up getting into a fight. last night was because i said he was being "ridiculous" and according to him i'm disrespectful for saying so. fml. Link to comment
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