Having Problems Eating In Public

[scottyboy6]

Hey everybody I am a new member here, so please be kind.

 

I have had an "eating in public" problem that I cant seem to shake since I was in high school. It is not the issue of people watching me eat, because I am not overweight or anything, its because I was traumatized in high school, i guess you could say.

 

Back in around 11th grade (around 16-17 years old) I had some friends who treated me like garbage, 2 people to be exact, but I was too immature to break the friendship at the time. On multiple occasions, we would go out to lunch. One time, after eating, they left me at the restaurant (pizza joint) and I was so afraid as to what my parents would say if these people never came to pick me back up, because I didnt have a cell phone at the time. I went into the bathroom and got sick, but they came and picked me back up that day.

 

In 12th grade, the very next school year, during lunch break, some of my classmates and I would pile into a car and go get lunch off campus. Our school was a closed campus school, and we were not allowed to leave for lunch. Since I lived close to my high school, I was very afraid I would see my mom on the road on our way to or from lunch, that I would worry the whole time and not eat, or force myself to eat, and would get sick, or feel sick and worried on the trip back to school that I was be noticed by my mom on the road, or afraid of being caught when I got back to school. And we would go to lunch almost every day that school year.

 

Ever since then, I have lots of trouble eat in public with anybody with me. I can go to a fast food place and eat by myself without a problem. Its just when I go out to dinner with my family, or other people I know, especially when I get driven to and from the restaurant, I either cannot do it, (worst case scenario) or I feel sick, worried, and not eat a lot of food, and not throw up, (best case scenario). During my high school graduation party, it was at a restaurant, and half the time I was in the bathroom being sick. I have ruined friendships, and have even had girls ask me out to lunch, and Ive had to turn them all down because I know it wouldnt go well.

 

So it is no mystery how I got myself into this situation. The formula goes like this: get driven or meet somebody at a restaurant, and eat with others in a group setting...and Ill feel, or get sick, just like my situations when I was in high school.

 

What I need is help with getting myself out of this situation. I dont know why I still feel like this. Im still afraid something bad is going to happen after I eat. Nobody but myself realizes whats wrong with me. When I am at dinner with my parents, I either dont eat much, or just tell them Im not very hungry. I hope I dont have to visit a doctor or hypnotist, because that is something I cannot afford.

 

Can anybody help me? It is very embarrassing at 21 to still be traumatized by something that happened 4 years ago. Im afraid if I ask anybody in person that I would get laughed at.

 

Thank you for reading.

 

-Scotty.

[Brittney2008]

Hi Scotty welcome to ENA

 

First off, I am sorry for the way those 'friends' treated you. I see that in both situations you mentioned it was being found out by your parents that you were dreading most. Why is this? Are they harsh disciplinarians?

 

I can relate to your issues with eating out. My fiance has a similar problem. He can not eat out without throwing up or getting really really sick. He has even thrown up at the table/on the way to the bathroom and outside of restaurants. We do not know why this is. He is fine to eat at home, were puzzled but we figure it has to do with social anxiety.

 

Do you have anyone at all that you feel comfortable eating around in public? Are you ok eating at home with a group of people?

[scottyboy6]

Thanks for your response Brittney! I did forget to mention that I have no problem eating at my home with my family, just not in public, with anybody.

 

My parents were always very strict, and if any little thing was out of the norm, I would always end up in trouble. I think that was part of the whole problem too.

 

So when I hear of people saying, lets meet up for lunch before we go shopping, or, lets catch up over lunch, is very torturous to me, and nbody would understand that if I told them.

[Brittney2008]

Thanks for your response Brittney! I did forget to mention that I have no problem eating at my home with my family, just not in public, with anybody.

 

My parents were always very strict, and if any little thing was out of the norm, I would always end up in trouble. I think that was part of the whole problem too.

 

So when I hear of people saying, lets meet up for lunch before we go shopping, or, lets catch up over lunch, is very torturous to me, and nbody would understand that if I told them.

 

I think what would be best is for you to sit down with a psychologist and explore the probable multifaceted reason as to why you get sick and have the fear of eating in public. As you mentioned though it might be a little out of reach for a while.

 

Question: When you hear about going out to eat with people do you fear getting sick or fear of something bad happening that in turn makes you sick?

 

You can try something like exposure therapy where you start with something small like getting a coffee with friends at a coffee shop but not staying and see how that goes, if that goes ok you could then try sitting down a couple minutes and having something like a pastry and so on. This assumes though that you are experiencing an irrational fear and nothing will happen, you do have a physical reaction of getting sick though. Do you think that something like this would help or hurt?

 

Do you have anyone close who you trust that you can start experimenting these things with?

[scottyboy6]

Thegreenman, no I havent, didnt know anything like that existed. I should look into that.

 

Brittney, to answer your question, it is a fear of something bad happening that in turn makes me sick. And its automatic, every time.

 

The exposure therapy sounds like a good idea. And I get what youre trying to do...take things one small step at a time to break the bad thoughts.

 

I currently dont have any friends. It could be something I could try with my brother though, but Im afraid he may find out. I should save up my money to see a doctor.

[Brittney2008]

Thegreenman, no I havent, didnt know anything like that existed. I should look into that.

 

Brittney, to answer your question, it is a fear of something bad happening that in turn makes me sick. And its automatic, every time.

 

The exposure therapy sounds like a good idea. And I get what youre trying to do...take things one small step at a time to break the bad thoughts.

 

I currently dont have any friends. It could be something I could try with my brother though, but Im afraid he may find out. I should save up my money to see a doctor.

 

Yes the anxiety medicine can really help, and it can be prescribed by a normal general practitioner doctor. A routine office visit will be pretty inexpensive(if you have insurance) you should for sure look into it.

 

I recently moved(well a year ago lol I guess I can't use this excuse anymore) and I don't have any friends either, hang in there!

 

What would your brother do if he found out?

 

I really hope you get better Scotty, Please update us on how you are doing.

 

All the best,

Brittney

[hidden_kitten]

I'm sorry you have to go through this Scotty, I hope you can take steps to overcome your fear soon!

 

At first I was concerned why you were getting sick so easily, but I've thrown up from anxiety too, like in the morning before I would go into my Saturday job. It was awful because I knew I had to eat breakfast to prepare myself for the day, but my stomach was too busy tying itself into knots to handle it!

 

I agree with the suggestions to look into some therapy and take small 'action' steps to deal with the anxiety and fear of eating in public. I presume what's been suggested is similar to cognitive behavioral therapy. Maybe ask your doctor if there's any free or cheap services you can take advantage of for now, instead of regular sessions, but make sure you come away with 'goals' to work on before your next meeting?

 

Wishing you all the best, Kitten