Finding time for sex

[LilyXX]

My husband and I seem to want to have sex at different time. During the week he wants to spend time with his friends or watch a movie until about 12:30 and then do it. On the weekend the partying goes on even later, sometimes until 3am. And he want to do it afterwards.

It was sort of ok with me while we were dating, but to be honest I am tired.

Literally tired. I adjust myself do his schedule, but I can't function on so little sleep. At 12:30pm while he want to get in on my eyes are closing. I want to tell him "Are you crazy? Do you know what time it is? I have to be up at 7:30!"

 

I sometimes intiate sex earlier in the evening (Like 10 or 11), but a lot of times he is in the middle of something or we have people over, or he does not seem into it.

 

I know that having a good sex life in very important for a marriage.

I really find it difficult to do it when I am half asleep. And I up starting to resent him "for keeping me awake"

[Fudgie]

You guys need to sit down and talk to each other about an acceptable time for lovemaking. Lots of couples need to do this to find a time that works for both of them.

[SapphireNoir10]

I agree with the above poster. You need to talk and to reach some kind of compromise or understanding.

[LilyXX]

I spoke to him about it, it does not help.

[oldenoughtoknow]

I agree. Talk, talk, talk. Pose it to him in a positive lite. "Honey, I really love having sex with you, and I want it X nights a week. But you've been going to bed so late, and I really need my sleep. What do you think we can do?" I think that's a problem he'd be willing to tackle.

[LilyXX]

Last night he wanted to do it with lights on at 1am. I normally don't mind lights being on, but if we are doing it at 1am, I want darkness.

He got all irritated with me for "ruining the moment" by getting up to turn off the lights. The he said "ok, sleep" and left the room.

 

I could not sleep because i was really upset after that ;(

[Fudgie]

How does talking not help? Does he just get mean/defensive, or so uncomfortable that he can't talk about it?

 

I'm sorry but talking is the only thing to do here.

[Taikero]

He'll start making an effort if you start snoozing at a reasonable time. If you're in bed by 11:30 each night, he'll start adjusting his schedule when he wants sex with you.

 

This works doubly well if you turn him down if he wakes you up.

 

 

Whether he initiates in the early evening before friends are over or sends them off early, it doesn't matter. What he needs to realize is you need sleep and his desires don't come before your needs.

[-Sanguine-]

Sounds like he's not very flexible. He wants it when he wants it and that's that.

 

Not fair..

but agreed with the rest, the only thing to do is talk to him about it. But if that's not working, I'm not really sure what will.

[LilyXX]

Taikero,

 

I think I will try that. Hopefully he will learn after a few weeks.

 

I feel terribly guilty for not being available for him when he wants it.

But I just can't do it like this.

[Taikero]

Taikero,

 

I think I will try that. Hopefully he will learn after a few weeks.

 

I feel terribly guilty for not being available for him when he wants it.

But I just can't do it like this.

 

Honestly, he'll probably get the hint after a few days. The point here is you need to show him you're not going to compromise the amount of sleep you need for intimacy on a regular basis. Exceptions are fine, and there's nothing wrong with that, but now that he's ignored you and communication hasn't worked, it's time to show him through actions that you won't be ignored and this is serious to you.

 

Once he gets the hint, he'll want to talk about it, and if he doesn't want to talk about it, then he may just start initiating at a more reasonable time. Making your boundaries clear and demanding respect will get you what you need here and shouldn't cause resentment, specifically because you are not withholding sex, but you are simply making it known that after midnight is NOT a reasonable time to get down and dirty.

[oldenoughtoknow]

Last night he wanted to do it with lights on at 1am. I normally don't mind lights being on, but if we are doing it at 1am, I want darkness.

He got all irritated with me for "ruining the moment" by getting up to turn off the lights. The he said "ok, sleep" and left the room.

 

I could not sleep because i was really upset after that ;(

 

I agree with Taikero. This guy sounds like a spoiled brat. He wants to stay up and play, and then go to bed and have you waiting to have sex. It's like I used to tell my 8 year old son - it's good to want things, but that doesn't mean you're going to get them. You should start living your life and let him fit you for a change. You have to work, so go to bed at a decent hour. If he wants to stay up and play with his little friends, let him. But that doesn't mean he can wake up his bed puppet for extra play time whenever he feels like it. This guy just needs some training.

[caveman91]

It would be a worse sign if he always wanted sex with the lights off. Guys are visual. He wants the lights on because you look good naked to him. Life could be worse for you.

 

With that said, this guy should want to knock the boots more during the daylight hours.