Should I keep seeing this girl?

[czjnkn]

Well I'm back..and in a crappy situation as usual. Just over a month ago it came to my attention (or I was repeatedly told by my friends) that the new server at the bar I go to pretty much nightly (cheers-like situation) was very into me. I stayed clear though because I knew she had a boyfriend. She did eventually come hang out with my roommate and I and a few people at my house, no big deal. We were all in my room screwing around and she fell asleep on my bed. I just went to sleep next to her, nothing happened. I respected the fact that she had a boyfriend. Well after that night, she wanted to come hang out the next day and ended up staying the night...4 days in a row. But again, I did nothing because I knew she had a boyfriend. I didn't want to be "that guy".

 

She then told me that their relationship was rocky and they decided to break up. We ended up screwing around that night. Apparently, they had only decided to take a break, but really didn't anyway. So I felt bad about it. The next weekend came along and we had another party at my house. I was tired and laying on my bed and she came in and locked the door and asked if I was ready for bed. We ended up screwing around. She continued to want to hang out all the time, but since her boyfriend was in the picture still in some capacity i became uneasy and I think she had finally realized what she was doing. She decided that we shouldn't hang out anymore and I thought it might be best to not talk for awhile.

 

That lasted all of one day and she kept wanting to come over. I gave in. She spent the night again and we ended up having sex. Fast forward to a couple days ago, she said she was officially single now, but said how she doesn't want to be in a relationship again for a long time and isn't looking for a boyfriend. She then asked last night if she's "sharing" me with anyone. I said that the question may be more appropraite from me to her. She said she hangs out with other guys and has a small crush on one, but hasn't been sleeping with anyone else. I said that maybe it'd be best if we didn't talk anymore because i know how it is just coming out of a relationship. She then says that abig part of the reason she wanted to be single is so that she could hang out with me and do what she wants, but she wants to be free.

 

So do I just stay in this situation? She really likes me and I enjoy hanging out with her, but there's so much uncertainty to who's hanging out with who and doing what. After the things that have happened, I'm not quite sure I'd want to date her anyway. Would it be bad to stay friends with benefits or should we just stop that?

[odile]

Morally, you may be in the clear, but it sounds like if you have any interest in this girl, that you should really back things up a bit.

Even if you're not all that sure you'd like to date her, it could get messy.

She may not want anything serious, but she does have a tiny crush...

Proceed at your own risk.

[tinsch]

If you can continue without getting strong feelings for the girl I don't see why not. So long as you both understand its a friendship its safe. FWB never ends up working too well though.. Someone usually ends up hurt in the end. Just be careful with your feelings and have fun!

[Ms Darcy]

I am pretty much convinced that you are going to be the one who is hurt in the end, based on how hard it was for you to let your ex go ...

 

So I have posted before about my girlfriend not being very interested in sex anymore. We've had many discussion and many reasons between the both of us, why we feel the way we do, but let's forget all that right now...

 

I've considered proposing the idea of the threesome to [another girl] and my GF, but I'm unsure if she would be into that or if my GF would be into it still and into with someone who i've been with before.

 

This is just after the break up:

 

My ex and I dated just over a year and broke up in mid October. It really came down to me treating her poorly because of trust issues and a mild depression. I said and did some outlandish things that I would never imagine I would do or say to this girl I loved so much.

 

I just kept pushing her away. She begged me to go get help, but I refused to believe that there was anything wrong with me and would take it out back on her. Once I did realize there was something wrong, I thought I could just take care of it myself, no need for a shrink. Well...I was definitely wrong.

 

So now it's been a month since the breakup. I went NC right away, deleted her off social networking sites, and put away all the pictures around the house.

 

Months later:

 

So it's been 20 days since I was last here. It's been 6 months since she left me.

 

I'd like to show her the changes. I know she will talk to me, but I believe she only wants to be friends.

 

I really just want to be able to take her out, so she can see I'm different and have made positive changes. I'm scared it's too late.

 

I miss her so much and want to be back with her more than anything.

 

So I just read the thread "(Female) Dumpers: What kind of contact (from a dumpee) do you find positive or attractive?"

 

I'm now contemplating what it is I could say to my ex when we meet up.

 

She ended up cancelling those plans saying she was "really sick" and wondered if we could reschedule. It seemed like a cop out and we weren't going to hang out. I do believe she's moved on and could simply just be looking to be friends. I'm hoping when I see her though, that she'll see some changes that have happened over the last 6-7 months.

 

 

Then towards the end:

 

So I'm driving around wasting some time and she calls me 10 minutes prior to when we were to meet up and asked if we were still meeting and said she was already there. So I arrived shortly after the call.

 

I walk in and of course she looks great.

 

Much of the time was spent with her talking to the bartender or her roommate who was waitressing. Again, something in the past I would've gotten upset about, but just let it go because it was no big deal. We had some laughs and smiles and not too much talk of the past which was good.

 

After 2 drinks she did pull her phone out and start looking at the time saying how she had to go soon, but it was apparent that she had nothing to do. She had asked her roommate what they were doing tonight since there were no plans and had said at one point how she had to catch up on laundry. She did it a few times, but still ended up having a couple more drinks to wait on her roommate to get out of work. We both got our tabs and were ready to leave, but I ended up getting another.

 

My point is that you are a sensitive guy who can be deeply hurt when someone isn't into you. I think if you reflect on yourself, you know that not going into a relationship the right way with someone who is emotionally available to you is only going to hurt you in the end.

[geekgirl4]

She's basically saying she wants you with no strings attached - a friend with benefits. If you are a sensitive person and was interested in a relationship with her, it would be wise to back out right away. If you can honestly stay FWB with no problems, then go for it - as long as both parties are aware of what this relationship is and will be. But bottomline is, she wants you but without any of the responsibilities.

[savignon]

FWB might be an okay idea in theory...but it seems like you'd rather be in a relationship. Also, how would feel about her "just sleeping" in another guy's bed for 4 nights in a row and not telling you b/c you're "just friends".....or her sleeping with someone else (she did that outright with her boyfriend not knowing and she'd be more justified in this case, as it would just be NSA). She could very well be telling the next guy (about you) "oh, we're just friends...we're going to end things anyway" (like she told you she was going to ...but hadn't yet...end things with her ex)

I agree with "Proceed with Caution"