blueeyes83 Posted July 25, 2010 Share Posted July 25, 2010 Is this a common thing among guys that if you say something to them that they dont like they instantly back off? Im feeling slightly confused at the moment... basically I said to my bf i was not happy about something he did... ok maybe i was very sarcastic the way i put it but he was in the wrong and since then he's barely been talking to me! This was Thursday so i spent fri and sat with no contact from him (i didnt call/ txt either) then today i thought this is stupid so called him. He txt me back saying he was in A & E as had scratched his eye and it was sore. I asked if he wanted to come round later on, he replied about his eye again after seeing the doctor but no mention of coming round. So i replied with glad you have it sorted hope it gets better soon, Its obvious he does not want to see me and does not want to discuss what happened thurs. What more can i do other than leave him and give him some space until he wants to talk to me Link to comment
De Lorean Posted July 25, 2010 Share Posted July 25, 2010 I can't judge which one of you was out of line, but he obviously thinks it's you. The NC is probably because he wants something in the way of an apology (again, I don't know enough detail to comment on whether he deserves one). I don't think this has anything to do with being a guy though...It's just a case of both of you think you're in the right, causing the issue to take longer than it should to resolve. Link to comment
De Lorean Posted July 25, 2010 Share Posted July 25, 2010 Forgot to add, try not to be sarcastic when trying to tell your partner you have a problem as it will only hinder process of resolving it. Link to comment
blueeyes83 Posted July 25, 2010 Author Share Posted July 25, 2010 Hi De Lorean, thanks for your reply. Yes your right on the sarcastic part I get wound up quite easily and then bite. I have branched out to him though asking him if he wanted to come round but obviusly hes not wanting to at the moment so im going to him his space Link to comment
DN Posted July 25, 2010 Share Posted July 25, 2010 I think you should apologise today for the sarcasm - not just for this occasion but for the others as well. Giving him space is not a good idea. And if he is in A&E he may be more concerned about his eye right now than anything else. Link to comment
blueeyes83 Posted July 25, 2010 Author Share Posted July 25, 2010 Why would giving him space not be a good idea? Ive asked him to come round but hes ingnored me, what more can I do? Im not pestering him to meet up if he doesnt want to Link to comment
DN Posted July 25, 2010 Share Posted July 25, 2010 I think you need to apologise for the sarcasm. Link to comment
15 Storeys High Posted July 25, 2010 Share Posted July 25, 2010 What did he do that made you unhappy? Link to comment
blueeyes83 Posted July 25, 2010 Author Share Posted July 25, 2010 What did he do that made you unhappy? The last time we saw each other we said we would meet up Thurs... although we didnt actually make a time I did think it was planned. He advised me in work on the thurs that he couldnt make it and would have to reschedule for the fri or weekend. He gave me no reason so in the heat of the moment I sent a very sarcastic msg back which i do regret now as he obviously didnt appreciate it but he did let me down. The thing is we both lead such busy lives with work and sport so I look forward to every bit of time together. It seems such a trivial disagrement. I can be quite stubborn at times but made the first move this morning in asking how he was and if he wanted to call round later... he obviously doesnt Link to comment
15 Storeys High Posted July 25, 2010 Share Posted July 25, 2010 Perhaps, as DN said, you should say you're sorry and then ask if he'd like you to go around to his.....he has just been in A&E.....perhaps he's feeling a little down about that..and maybe his eye is still sore......You don't really seem too concerned that he was in A&E and has an injury to his eye... Link to comment
blueeyes83 Posted July 25, 2010 Author Share Posted July 25, 2010 Perhaps, as DN said, you should say you're sorry and then ask if he'd like you to go around to his.....he has just been in A&E.....perhaps he's feeling a little down about that..and maybe his eye is still sore......You don't really seem too concerned that he was in A&E and has an injury to his eye... I am concerned and I asked if he was ok and what the doctors had said, when he replied with what they had said i said i hoped he was ok! Link to comment
caveman91 Posted July 25, 2010 Share Posted July 25, 2010 Agree with everyone on the sarcasm thing. It's a light form of contempt in a relationship. Contempt usually comes in the form of sarcasm or comes like "you're such an idiot" or eye rolling to your boyfriend's response. Looks like he did the natural response to contempt which is either defensiveness or stonewalling. Your guy went straight to stonewalling. Stonewalling is just dis-engaging from the conflict completely. It's not all that untypical and everyone does it at some point. But if sarcasm and contempt become the pre-dominant way you deal with disappointment. And stonewalling and avoidance become the pre-dominant way he deals with your tactics with disappointment. Then you guys in for a long road. What you could do is to attempt to put things on the right track by saying something (after he's through with stonewalling) like "when you make date plans for Thursday and then withdrawl plans without a specific reason.....it makes me feel hurt.....it makes me feel un-important in the relationship. It makes me feel like a 2nd choice option." If this is regular behavior of his....then try and keep the complaints focused on how his actions make you feel. If it's repetitive and he doesn't care how it makes you feel then its a problem. If he still dis-engages and changes plans on a whim. Then "he's just notthat into you." But that doesn't sound like the case from the information you have given. My two-cents. The exchange rate on my two-cents is 1.5 pennies. Link to comment
blueeyes83 Posted July 25, 2010 Author Share Posted July 25, 2010 Thank you for yor advice its very helpful Link to comment
geekgirl4 Posted July 27, 2010 Share Posted July 27, 2010 I think the right thing to do is apologize for being sarcastic during that incident, you only felt hurt and didn't mean it, and that whenever his eye feels better, you'd be happy to come visit him. And I think you should visit him because traveling with an injured eye is not fun, trust me! Link to comment
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