I feel depressed

[rusty_boi]

Hi everyone, ill try make this one short for once.

 

Ive been feeling really depressed lately, it comes in moods where im fine (ocassionally really happy) and then i get really depressed and sad. I know why i get like this and its probably going to sound stupid to alot of you.

 

The main reason is a girl at my work, who im really close friends with. From the first moment i saw her i thought she was the most beautiful girl ive ever seen. I then worked with her and found out we had alot in common. I cant explain it but we have always had this natural trust with each other and from the word go told each other stuff that we wouldnt tell people. Two things about her she is 5 years older than me and has a boyfriend (who hates me and is really jealous of me). Now she has flirted with me (which has slowed recently) but a few weeks ago we were out and she was really drunk, for some reason she wanted me to go into the bathroom with her but i waited out the front. Then as we were walking back she said "If you were my age i would kiss you." We went out for dinner secretly as friends only (we were supposed to tell no one) because of her boyfriends jealousy. But a few people ended up finding out, so i told her we shouldnt really go out because i dont want to cause problems for her and her boyfriend. It was so hard to do, but i had to. So we speak once a week on the phone to catch up now.

 

She is moving 9 hours away in 6 weeks with her boyfriend for work, and she says she will visit every 3 months. I have really strong feelings for her and i guess the thing that gets me depressed is ill never get the chance to tell her how i feel. Her boyfriend is and A**hole to her, and im not just saying that. Her friends at work have even said this. Ive tried everything to move on from her, but for some reason something in me wont let my feelings go. I could stop contact with her but to be honest the time im happiest is when im speaking with her, and it seems a shame to miss out on a friend because of these feelings. I know that we could be great together and i feel frustrated because i have really tried to move on and meet new girls but in my eyes no one can come close to her. The only time i can make this depression go away is if i tell myself that in the future she may break up with her boyfriend and ill be able to tell her how i feel. Its a pipedream, i know because she probably wont see me like that or break up with her boyfriend.

 

On top of all this, i have 7 years of failure with girls. Ive been on a maximum 2 dates with a girl. I have been just moving on from one failure to the next but it seems like when ever i let myself like someone then all of a sudden it falls apart. Im a virgin and havent had a gf since i was 14. Because of this rejection i dont really randomly hook up with girls because it plays on my mind. An example is recently a girl who i asked out a while back told me she liked me but had a bf, we occasionally spoke and she told me she broke up with her bf and was going overseas, she changed her facebook status and everything. A week after leaving i looked on there and she was recieving and sending messages to him ending it with i love you. Stuff like that is always going wrong for me

 

So with being in "love" with someone who i cant tell (and to be honest, i have such bad luck with girls that something would happen so that i wouldnt end up with her) and trying to move on from her. With 7 years of rejection and i feel really depressed at the moment. A gf is all i really want in my life at the moment. I do have some good days where things dont seem so bad but i have some horrible days where my world comes crashing down.

[RelaxByWater84]

I've been there, am there now in a way. You are only 21 so don't give up yet. You have to go through phases every now and then when ppl with and SO ask you out. I think its because they aren't getting any emotional fulfillment out of their relationship so they search for it elsewhere. Keep your chin up so that when the girl of your dreams comes along you'll be ready for her.