When i argue with my boyfriend i tend to hurt myself

[hsdreamgirl]

This is a short topic, but means a lot to me. My bf, now maybe x and I have dated for 3 years since yesterday. We ended up getting into a fight yesterday at a club and I got so mad of his jealousy, that i punched the wall very hard and threw the glass against the wall and it shattered all over my arm, i went to the bathroom to get away from him and i saw that i was bleeding from several places. We ended up in his car trying to talk but he gets me so mad that i end up hitting myself in front of him, he tries to stop me but am not stoppable. I don't think our relationship should continue.! Do you?

[hsdreamgirl]

wut nobody wants to give their opinion?

[ang3l2004]

Well what makes you hit yourself and become so angry that you want to harm yourself that is what I want to know?All I can tell you is that you are the only one who knows weather or not you should be in this relationship due to everything that has happened throughout it,Message me back if you can thanks pm me anytime

[hsdreamgirl]

i dont want to hit him, so i hit myself i think to make him see that i care about him. if i honestly didnt love him i wouldnt do that to myself, and thats what he thinks. But i just have the feeling in my heart that we were not ment for eachother.

[ang3l2004]

Mabe you hit yourself to make him see that you care but you should not do that mabe you do it to yourself as something to prove but either way its not a good thing to do,I think that if you say you dont think that you were meant for eachother then you should not be in this relationship

[Princess777]

Greetings.

 

I think you hit yourself to get a reaction out of him. I think you do it for attention. I may be wrong, but this is my opinion. My advice is to seek some anger management help. There are books you can buy on the subject, you can print things off the internet, or you can see a therapist for help. You should not be hitting yourself or anyone, for any reason.... it sounds like you have a problem expressing your anger and you need help to find other ways to vent. Take a walk, cool off, count to ten, etc.... take deep breaths when you get angry and realize what is happening in your head before you act on it. Then make a wiser choice on how to respond instead of hitting yourself. Ask yourself if that is how you want to be remembered or seen by others? Hopefully you can change your actions when you get angry... only you have control over your own actions.

 

Good luck!

[libertychick]

Th reason you're having a problem hitting yourself isn't anything to do with your bf or x or whatever he is. I do agree, that if you feel like you guys arent meant to be together, that you should split, but the reason you're hitting yourself- a type of self destruction, is bc you can't control your anger, and when you explode, there's no where for it to go. You probably care too much to just hurt a random person, so you just inflict pain on yourself, bc to some element, it makes you feel better. IT ony does so bc you're relieveing so much pressure. The important thing is to try to keep your peace. I know it's easier said than done, but at least try. There will still be an occasional time or two when it still happens, but if you really consentrate on why the other person is saying or doing what they're saying or doing, and try to outsmart them, or get around the problem. Try to get inside their mind, rather than taking the frustration out on yourself. Thee is a drawback- there are some ppl out there that just flip our switches- your boyfriend is probably one of them. My dad is. When we fight, if I'm in his house, im not allowed to express anger. No screaming, slamming doors, throwing stuff, or anything. I 'm not allowd to speak during our "argument." So i bte myself. It's just one of the many ways your body finds releif after such tension. Unfortunately its a bad reaction, and we must find a way around it bc its a habbit we should definitely try to get out of. The easiest way, if he's so far, the only person that draws out this kind of anger in you, is to stay away from him. It's not healthy for you, and neither is his effect on you. Just make sure that in your next relationship, there isn't a trend. From the get go, express to him that you and he have to be able to communicate properly at a low voice level, and all anger has to be expressed in other forms than violence, towards yourself or others. Take it one step at a time, it won't be easy, but it will be worth it.

[girlinterrupted]

weird...i used to hurt myself too....and it was because of him... he just was too overwhelming to me.... that's when i knew he was too much for me...anyone who has such a negative effect that would make you hurt yourself... you should probably break up with.

[mylifeisasoapoprea]

The night my ex dumped me, i started to beat myself up over the phone. i had a cut on my ear, bumps all over my head, and a bloody nose. She heard all of this over the phone and said that she couldn't do it anymore. So i started to beat my self more and more. I feel that i scared her away for good now because of it. She was afraid that night. It is a bad habbit and no one wants to be seen doing that to themselves but its hard to keep from doing it. I wish i didn't act the way i did, but i couldn't help it. I feel that if i didn't act that way she would still be mine. I love her to death i do. I want her back and i want to be able to work things out, but i don't think i will be able to anymore because of beating myself up. I know that there are better ways of handling it, i have been trying the hardest i can to keep from doing it. I really don't know what to do to keep myself from doing that. I ahve tried meditation and it seems to help, It helps sort your thoughts out. Try doing something like that it might help. I have been trying it and it has helped a little.

[Princess777]

I've read that people who abuse themselves or do things that are self-destructive do it because their coping skills are pretty much not there anymore, for some reason. Maybe they were never fully developed? Or they never had a role model that showed them how to cope with stress?

 

I know it's easiest to do what comes natural when you get angry, but I think the goal here is to train yourself to do what's healthy, or you are going to end up destroying yourself. You don't want to be the object of someone's pity or you will never know where their heart really is. It's kind of like making good choices.... when someone in public makes you angry, when you'd really LIKE to beat their brains out, you don't, because it's just not productive, nor acceptable, plus you think about the consequences, of going to jail, etc., and you choose a different outlet for your anger. Maybe if you thought of the consequences of hurting yourself, i.e. that it does no good, it just makes bruises or ugly cuts, etc., it might help. And figuring out a new way to relieve your stress, of course.

[vitalcoaching]

Hi,

 

"Constructive fighting" in relationships is healthy. However, there are certain limits to respect.

 

When you start hurting yourself, you cross one of these limits. This is the moment when your fight can have really bad consequences. You must not go there. It is simple.

 

Hurting yourself is not acceptable.

 

The way to go is to step back from that and simply learn to fight in a different way without hurting neither you or your partner.

 

Put it this way, next time it could be a car crash with even worst consequences.

 

This is a fighting rule: Don't hurt yourself when fighting.

 

How do you stop hurting yourself?

 

Well, you need to kick something, right? This is a natural aggressive behavior which is healthy if you express it in a different way. How? take some kick boxing lessons and have dynamic fights with your partner with precise limits. This creates an excellent release of energy and it is constructive. You have an excess of aggression? Channel it in anther way.

 

This truly works. Simply release your energy in that way.

 

Does this makes sense?

 

Good luck and stay in touch

 

vitalcoach