Need some support and a little advice

[heartbroken14]

I have previously posted on the "No Contact Challenge" But need some additional advice. I am 19 days out from the break up and 18 days out for NC. He told me it just wasnt working anymore and he didnt think he would marry me and it blind sided me. I never pushed for marriage or even brought it up for that matter. i was content just the way things were.

 

But I did not and have not begged, cried, pleaded etc. Instead, the next day we sent a couple text back and forth then i sent one last one that said i missed him, loved him with all my heart and thought of him often and told him goodbye. He was out of town that weekend and he didnt not respond and I have not sent anything back since.

 

I see that alot of people do the begging and such and regret it, so wondering if i even have a chance? He's 33 and i am 31 - we dated for 2 years. he is not seeing a girl that i know of and he has even left the dog behind.. his dog. I have not even bumped in to him which is very good considering our hobbies are the same (softball) and have all the same friends.

 

I think about him all the time and actually with more and more days behind me i get more panicked than when I started. We had a great relationship and just the day before he was sending me the "thinking of you today - hope you are having a wonderful day" texts etc. Not sure what happened. He stays really busy with work and a lot of out friends have told me they think he just wants to be single and focus on work etc. I have not asked about him to out friends and I have not acted miserable (although I truly am of course) in front of them. I do not advertise anything I do, but have just been trying to keep myself busy and kind of under the radar.

 

Any thoughts from you guys? I am lonely and miss him so much each day that passes.

[heartbroken14]

Also... We broke up July 1... if i continue with NC our anniversary isin September.. should i drop a note to him and tell him something like "thinking of you especially today" ? It will be over 2 months byt that time.

[H20]

You are doing great so far. If you can hold out by Sep 1st you may not even WANT to contact him. Focus on you. Make goals for yourself that DO NOT include HIM or 'getting him back' because if that is your goal and it does not happen, you will feel ten times worse. I know it's extremely hard, but you cannot predict the future. Neither can we.

He made the choice to not be with you, so he has to face the consequences of that decision by NOT having you in his life. He should be the one to come back and say 'lets try again' or at the very least reach out to you. In the meantime, do your best to forget him.

 

Hugs to you

[heartbroken14]

Thanks H20. I am trying hard. He only lives 4 blocks from me so its definitely a power struggle within myself. But i do ok for the most part. I have pretty much stopped staring at my phone and email waiting for a call etc. Our brief couple of texts the next day i had just asked if he was satisfied with his decision and that my biggest fear is that he would let pride get in the way if he decided it was a mistake and would not contact me. He of coruse responded that he was satisfied with the decision and said that he would be in touch should he change his mind, but lets be real here... he just told me that figuring thats what i wanted to hear. He made a comment to a mutual friend of ours 2 days after the break up when he was out of town and said "i dont have a bad thing to say about her, she's an unbelievable girl and will find a great guy.... she deserves it" so if he thinks that... why leave me?

 

His past relationships have been controling girls, telling him what he could wear when they went out together and not letting him enjoy any guy time. I was the opposite. i loved him for who he was and he knew that.. We had great communication (obviously until this) We constantly told each other how much we were in love and what we loved abotu each other. Im just lost. Completely lost.

[H20]

Well, maybe he just did not 'feel it' in that way for you. It happens sometimes. It is something we cannot always control. You can be the absolute PERFECT girlfriend..but not be perfect for HIM. That chemistry has to be there. As for how the other girls treated him, maybe he LIKES that. It is no reflection on YOU. So don't let that bring you down. Hell maybe he has 'mommy issues'...who knows??? Point is...it is not YOUR fault. period.

[heartbroken14]

but he acted like he "felt" it - thats why i am so blind sided i guess.

[H20]

Well if he DIDN'T 'feel it' and broke up with you, you gotta give the guy credit for ending it and not stringing you along any longer. It takes a lot of guts and courage to break up with someone, especially if the person genuinely did NOTHING 'wrong'. You may not see it NOW, but you will see one day he did you a favor. I'm sorry you're hurting....I know it's hard. Just keep posting it will help.

[Esteller]

yea from what i read it isnt your fault and its also things we we cannot control. thats the worse part. we think everything is going great then boom what in the world just happen.we need to close our eyes take a deep breath and continue walking forward. thats all we can do. we can think about them but what is that going to do to make you a better person? nothing just worry want to call them miss them. i know its a natural feeling we cant get rid of but its life. just remember your never alone there are a bunch of people on this forum as well who either been through the situation or is going through it too. we are here for your support as well as everyone else. i hope things turn out better for you and i know they will.

[BlueEyedBoy]

Hi, I agree with H20, so far you are following the textbook.

 

I can see the big question on your mind is 'why?'

 

You need to remember that no contact is entirely for you and your healing process. Not about him.

 

Try not to think about the ifs and buts, assume its over for good.

 

These things will help you heal.

 

Dont contact him in sept.

[heartbroken14]

Thanks everyone. I appreciate your kind words and I understand it will take time. I am doing the "why" through my head and i think about him every day. Wondering if he thinks of me. I try very hard not to dwell on these thoughts and ideas so i am trying to keep myself busy. We are both huge softball fans, love the game and its a way of escape for both of us. So both of us travel every weekend due to this which helps me not see him or bump into him on the weekends.

[FreedomRing]

Something isn't adding up.

 

Are you positive there weren't any signs of his unhappiness recently that you could be overlooking????

 

After 2 years - to randomly up and dump you and you 'weren't controlling' and let 'him be with his friends' etc....just seems fishy.

 

His only reasoning for breaking up with you were that he didn't see himself marrying you???

 

Were you consistently together throughout the 2 yrs or on and off??

[heartbroken14]

we started dating may of 08 casually not exclusive and he had asked for a little space mid july and so we did - no big deal and then we got together exclusively in september. since then we have been ok. I did find that he was sort of texting a girl in february of this year but we worked it out and nothing happened (other than some flirty texts) - but i still trusted him - wasn't needy, he did his thing and i did mine. His excuse to others is that he wants to focus on work and softball.

[FreedomRing]

we started dating may of 08 casually not exclusive and he had asked for a little space mid july and so we did - no big deal and then we got together exclusively in september. since then we have been ok. I did find that he was sort of texting a girl in february of this year but we worked it out and nothing happened (other than some flirty texts) - but i still trusted him - wasn't needy, he did his thing and i did mine. His excuse to others is that he wants to focus on work and softball.

 

Ok, well I think those details are telling. After barely 2 months of 'casually' seeing each other he needed 'space'...from what exactly, if you're only casually dating....I guess it would matter what both of you deemed as casual. Then again, shortly two months after the 'space' you're now seeing each other 'exclusively'? And now he's broken it off again.....

 

You kinda brush over this texting to another girl incident. What was that about? Who was she, how did you find out about it? How do you know that communication was definitely cut off for good with them?

 

I would venture that he was indecisive all along....sorry to say

[heartbroken14]

he came on too quick in the summer and then the two of us got caught up with ball and just kinda went on from there. We saw each other almost every night and just kind jumped in. I was almost relieved when he said he wanted space bc ti was all just coming so fast. we had time to sit back and re-evaluate.

 

Yes the girl was cut off from contact. He met her through a work thing. I picked up his phone when it went off thinking it was mine(we have the exact same phones) and she sent a head shot of her at work. so then i had asked what was going on. He admitted that he was sending texts and receiving them showed me all of them and begged for forgiveness. We worked through it and we were much better.

 

We play for very completitive teams and both of us play every weekend and get paid to play. So its actually an outlet for both of us (softball). We are both perfectionests when it comes to the game and every summer it is a lot of work to keep that spark going because we hardly ever get to see each other - gone different directions all weekend, then come back focus on work and hit every night and work out. it always startsslipping into a routine but we communicated very well and would identify that we needed to take ONE night off so we could reconnect and have a date night.

[heartbroken14]

UPDATE - found out "WHY" we broke up. He met a girl out of state at a tournament the weekend before we split. She is 3 states away. He started texting her a couple of times during that week. She owns her own business, very successful apparently. Since the break up they have turned it on hard core and talk all day every day and he tells his buddies about it (my friends as well). Very hard to hear.