Help me find a way through this maze of painful emotion...

[MemoriesDust]

If any of you have had the misfortune of reading my bizarre posting history, it wouldn't take long to realise I've been in a fairly topsy turvy relationship for years now...

 

...Today I come here as the dumper. An unwilling dumper perhaps, but one unable to continue to live amongst the drama, the hurt, the occasional glimmer of happiness, and most unbearably, the unfathomable amounts of hope.

 

This time I know it's for good. The feeling is different. The feeling is final. All ties have been severed. Facebook/Twitter, gone, deleted, blocked. She even e-mailed my friends to say she would be deleting them too... Funny, after 3.5 years on and off, none of her friend or family were on my facebook, and I only met them twice... But that's a small point in a big mess.

 

I ended it for both our sakes... She told me last year she would never break up with me, whatever the situation. She would merely protect herself in the relationship. So I knew it would have to be my responsibility...

 

I'm hurting, so bad. Hurting that I had to pull it apart for both our sakes, and mourning the loss of something that was likely lost years ago. I know it will get better, I know... But right now, just writing this down and sharing with people who understand, is all I can think to do...

 

Thank you if you've read this, it's helped the tears flow a little better this evening.

[catfeeder]

My heart goes out to you, and I'm sorry you're going through this. You are right, though, it will get better. Hold on to that.

[spruce_pitch]

Hi - new here, but just wanted to say I totally get where you're coming from... hang in there. It WILL get better! Eventually.

[MemoriesDust]

Thank you both for your kind words. I know it will get better, but right now it aches badly... I'm on day 4 of NC... Trying to keep positive, make plans.

 

I find it hard that I had to be the dumper... If anyone is in need of a dumper's perspective, for some of us it's an awful thing to have to do the thing that's right, even though we love the person very much. I found myself thinking what it would be like to be with other people, and I felt like the unhappiness in the relationship was giving me an excuse to eventually act like an * * * * * * * . I didn't want to hurt her like that...

 

One day at a time. One step at a time.

[catfeeder]

Yep, it's hard to be a dumper, too. Thing is, most of us must position ourselves at some point to play the bad guy. It does absolutely no good--and ruins two lives--to stick around to play social worker to another. That's not your job. All relationships being voluntary, it only takes one partner to recognize that 'out' is the only solution.

 

In your corner.