NO CONTACT , but Out of sight isnt it out of mind then??

[funk]

Well, If we do nc to get him back, how long? won't it be out of sight out of mind

[iBroken]

We dont do NC to get them back

[odile]

The reason to do NC is not to play a game, but to focus energy on yourself, rather than on the other.

If you are using it as a tactic to win someone back, and watching the clock until some deadline by which you feel is appropriate to contact them, then you have made no progress.

 

If you do this, then even if by some chance the other party is interested in giving it another go after some time has passed, then the relationship is more than likely doomed to fail all over again.

[completebroken]

I have been doing NC for a little under two weeks now and I started off the same way. If I do NC she will come back . . . Today I did a bunch of stuff for me, strictly for me without taking her into the equation, for the first time and it felt good. I plan on doing more this afternoon but it is hard. I still think of her hourly but each day gets a tad better and I am glad I am doing NC.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

For superficial feelings out of sight is out of mind. For deeper feelings just because a person is out of sight doesn't mean they will be out of mind.

[maddyfaye]

CAD you gave me good advice in the past. After my spouse left I met someone 1.5 years later and ( 9 weeks ago) and she kept showering with compliments and even said she loved me after week 5. I loved her sweet and goofy side but she had another side that critisized too much. She said she is set in her ways, stubborn and doesn't want to hear it from me that their might be room for improvement. I told her I changed and became much more affectionate which she likes. We almost broke up two weeks ago, I went out of town and she called me to say she misses me. We spent 30 hours together since on 4 different occasions but had a big fight on wed. She said she won't let me hutr her ( emotionally) anymore as she has cried a few different times. I said it's everyone elses fault right. We were supposed to get together Friday but haven't talked since Thurs. I really think she will miss me but I am going to give in. Do I spell out our significant progress in an email or wait until Thursday if I don't hear from her and text her that I still think she is special and want to take her somewhere special this weekend but if it's over can I get one last hug. Any thoughts at all CAD or anyone else?

[Wildflower88]

I'm gonna tell ya, NC is the last thing that I wanted to do, but the best thing I ever did. My friends said JUST STOP TALKING TO HIM.. I said ok. but was texting him, messageing him, calling him and guess what HE STILL didn't want anything to do with me.. NC gave me time to see that there was life without him.. and I've tried NC once.. went 9 days and caved and after our anniversary passed.. and we weren't back together.. I decided it was time to let go.. completely so I'm NC on my very first day and the moment I had the urge to call or text I got on this web site... you dont do NC so he will think of you.. you have to do it for you... I hated being told to do it, even worse I hated doing it but eventually you have to decided if you want to keep hurting or if your ready for it to stop.. because it hurts, it sucks and I was so tired of cryin, wishing, wanting.. I just want to be me now.. without the * * * * * * * !

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Perhaps you should create a new thread. It would help if you were more specific regarding what the fight was about. Was she justified in being hurt with you or is this part of her overly critical, set in her ways, nobody tells me what to do attitude? In other words, she seems to like to criticize while making it clear that nobody should criticize her. If this is her personality then you are better off without her.

[maddyfaye]

Sorry for hijacking this thread but it does involve out of site out of mind. Thanks CAD I appreciate it. One example of the critisizm is when she spent the night and in the morning said she needed to go to costco. I said the one here is far less crowded. After we went there she blamed me for the layout and how she had to walk more and her foot injury acted up again. Another is when I choose a restaurant that doesn't have her kind of salad. ( That kind of thing)

I said lets learn from that horrible weekend and when I came back and spent the 30 hours we didn't fight once. She is very stressed about being let go at any moment at her job yet blows so much money eating out and never cooks. I suggest establishing an emergency fund with some of the small inheritance she is about to get and she says don't tell me what to do. I said as your boyfriend don't you want me to care about you? She attacked my motives and that's were we argued on the phone. I did email her on saturday about the progress we made and she responded with "we both know you can't accept me as I am - I can't make you happy and can't deal with being yelled at, life is short enjoy it. " She had also texted me Thursday with I am sorry I am not who you want I am sure you will find it" ( she bluffed with something similar in our last fight but she is refusing to contact me now. I guess I need to be patient but she can so easily just resume link removed again but we have amazing chemistry with intimacy and she will miss that as will I

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Chemistry and intimacy is all fine and dandy but what good is that if she is whiny and complaining, blames you for things she is not happy with, doesn't listen to reason and is just a real sourpuss to you when life doesn't dance to her tune. NC may result in being missed..but what is also important in NC is to work on the self-issues which were problematic in the relationship. Two people can go NC and after several months miss each other like crazy...but if they come back together thinking they can still behave as before and not fix their issues, a reconciliation is doomed to fail.

[JoshHimself]

I did NC for both reasons, I thought oh this might work, and I also thought well I'll heal anyways. That was my first thought, then the obsessing stopped and I realised that this is for me and only me, if I really really wanted her back wouldnt I be begging until she told me she hated me, and awful things. Its been broke three times, but I quit counting days and just know how many times I've communicated with her. Because there never good, the dumper is one bitter woman, so now if she tries as much as I want to I just dont want to talk/fight with her anymore. Nothing is being repaired that way, and even if I do want her back, I dont want to try to fix a relationship when I'm still not over the break up, I'm still bitter. How could ever work then? I'm not hoping for anything with her, I'm just hoping to be happy. With her or without. If your sitting there counting the days of NC like many other people on this site thinking that it will get them back, your just hurting yourself more and more. I'm not saying everyone does it, but alot do, and I was really guilty of it myself.

[Minx2012]

Well, If we do nc to get him back, how long? won't it be out of sight out of mind

As a person who always had exes running after her for many years, I must admit that it's because of one very important thing : KEEPING MY DIGNITY BY DOING " NC " ALL THE WAY. When I was 17 years old, I had my first sweetheart smash my heart into smithereens. That was the first time I ever experienced a real heart ache and all the ugliness that comes along with it ( such as the cyclical, sexual on-off ) that lasted well into my early 20s. Yes, he actually affected how I saw men in my early 20s, during my University years, when I was supposed to be enjoying my time as a single, young woman.

 

Anyway, I am much older now...but throughout the years, I have learned from that " NC " is THE best thing that anyone can do after a relationship ends. It allows for the following :

1) For your ex to REALLY see your worth and value. By the time he realises how wonderful you truly are, it's already too late...because you have used the NC period to move on, better yourself further and find happiness again.

 

2) NC is the time for you to focus on YOU and your goals, dreams, future that you possibly neglected because you were so enamoured with your ex. The NC period is used to find / rediscover yourself and improve yourself.

 

3) NC opens up a whole world of new opportunities...you take what you learned from the relationship and apply it to your new situation as a single woman or man. You might find a bit of struggling ( feelings of hopelessness, loneliness and despair ) but the reward of being TRULY independent and happy again will make you appreciate your own strength.