Should I wait?

[Arabella314]

I'm about 2 weeks late. My period is rarely ever regular and sometimes I can miss an month, and last 2 times I bought a test it was for nothing cause it was negative & both times my period came the very next day after I took the test but this time we had sex 2 days after I finished my last period and I've heard that was a fertile time. I'm not really stressing it, because I'm probably not, but it does cross my mind more as the days go by and no signs that I'm getting my period, but I also don't want to buy one and then I get my period. That could have been gas money or pet food So I don't know if I should just wait or get one.

[ElleTheDuck]

While every woman is different, chances are you weren't in a fertile time. You can google best time to be pregnant, and they can explain it a whole lot better then I can. Generally, it's like the middle of the cycle that is the most fertile to my understanding.

 

If you're worried, get a test at the dollar store. Chances are you're like me and your period is playing games with you. Of course, I got pregnant with my child without having a period for 5 months and happened to hit it at the right time because it's crazy. Most of the time I give it two missed periods before I get a test...and I never have made it to that point yet.

 

Good luck, either way you want it to be!

[Hope75]

Oh Arabella,

 

Are you still having unprotected sex with that guy who is cheating on his girlfriend with you?

 

Take a test and stop sleeping with him!

[Arabella314]

Oh Arabella,

 

Are you still having unprotected sex with that guy who is cheating on his girlfriend with you?

 

Take a test and stop sleeping with him!

 

Yes, he spent a weekend with me in June. My friend is going to a free clinic to have a test done tomorrow, so I'm gonna go with her and take one too.

[Arabella314]

I went & got a test at the dollar store. It was negative

[dangletsbang]

I went & got a test at the dollar store. It was negative

 

I have a feeling you won't stop sleeping with this guy until you get pregnant, which really is quite sad..

 

Why treat yourself like that? You know you don't deserve that. Why would you want an innocent child to have a father like that if you can prevent it? It's not fair to you or a baby.

 

Either stop sleeping with this worthless excuse of a person..or be smart and use protection when you do. You're setting yourself up for a disaster, knowingly..which is what I don't understand.

[abitbroken]

I agree with what others have said. Next time you are at the pharmacy, buy some condoms just to have them on hand. For you, I would recommend the pill or spermicide foam too.

 

I don't know - it seems that while you say you don't want to get pregnant for some reason you'll do whatever this guy wants. Do you really want to play with fire? Unless you are trying to get pregnant (or at least not do anything to prevent it) to trap him or make him pay more attention to you.

 

I also suggest that you educate yourself on your monthly cycle. As a grown woman "i hear its the more fertile time" doesn't fly! Not everyone ovulates exactly mid cycle so you can't go about it generically either. I actually started to track mine, too. When i started to track mine, i found it was not as irregular as I thought. My memory was just irregular.

 

Please have some respect for yourself and say "no" to this guy. If you refuse to do it, please at least use protection and if he refuses to comply - NO SEX. Believe it or not, some men respect women more when they appear to give a darn about themselves.

[Arabella314]

I have a feeling you won't stop sleeping with this guy until you get pregnant, which really is quite sad..

 

Why treat yourself like that? You know you don't deserve that. Why would you want an innocent child to have a father like that if you can prevent it? It's not fair to you or a baby.

 

 

Either stop sleeping with this worthless excuse of a person..or be smart and use protection when you do. You're setting yourself up for a disaster, knowingly..which is what I don't understand.

 

I tried staying away from him, and all I did was think about him, even dreamed about him. He's not worthless, I've met worthless & he's definitely not that. If he was, trust me, I wouldn't love him so much. He's a good dad, he takes care of three kids who aren't his. I would love to have his kid one day, but I don't want to be a single mom, and I don't want to have to make him choose.

 

I agree with what others have said. Next time you are at the pharmacy, buy some condoms just to have them on hand. For you, I would recommend the pill or spermicide foam too.

 

I don't know - it seems that while you say you don't want to get pregnant for some reason you'll do whatever this guy wants. Do you really want to play with fire? Unless you are trying to get pregnant (or at least not do anything to prevent it) to trap him or make him pay more attention to you.

 

I also suggest that you educate yourself on your monthly cycle. As a grown woman "i hear its the more fertile time" doesn't fly! Not everyone ovulates exactly mid cycle so you can't go about it generically either. I actually started to track mine, too. When i started to track mine, i found it was not as irregular as I thought. My memory was just irregular.

 

Please have some respect for yourself and say "no" to this guy. If you refuse to do it, please at least use protection and if he refuses to comply - NO SEX. Believe it or not, some men respect women more when they appear to give a darn about themselves.

 

You're right, I would do anything for him, but I'm not trying to trap him. I've known him for years, he's one of my best friends, I've gotten enough attention from him. I don't stress him like that. I'm irregular, I can skips months. Last time I got it was June 3, and still nothing. I'm gonna look into birth control.

[Hope75]

I tried staying away from him, and all I did was think about him, even dreamed about him. He's not worthless, I've met worthless & he's definitely not that. If he was, trust me, I wouldn't love him so much. He's a good dad, he takes care of three kids who aren't his. I would love to have his kid one day, but I don't want to be a single mom, and I don't want to have to make him choose.

 

 

 

You're right, I would do anything for him, but I'm not trying to trap him. I've known him for years, he's one of my best friends, I've gotten enough attention from him. I don't stress him like that. I'm irregular, I can skips months. Last time I got it was June 3, and still nothing. I'm gonna look into birth control.

 

Arabella, can you explain to me how a man who is cheating on his child's mother and risking her health by potentially contracting STI's being a good father to that child? That is NOT a good parent or a good partner.

 

Second, this guy blew you off for awhile and then announced he was engaged to this woman, then later when he came mooching back around you dropped your pants for him. Isn't it clear he is using you?

 

Friends don't treat you like that- ever.

 

I just don't see how you can call this guy your best friend. You are living in a fantasy world.

[Arabella314]

I say he's a good dad cause he takes care of her. He provides for her, which is more than what I can say for others. Yea, he cheats on her, but so have I on my ex boyfriends. That doesn't make me a bad person. As for blowing me off, that was a misunderstanding. His phone was off, that's why he wasn't texting me back. I just went off cause he's never ignored me before. The engagement, he said they are not engaged, he didn't put that on his page & he changed it at my house. As for our friendship, he was actually the one who started saying we're best friends for life first, and over time I got comfortable with talking to him about things like he did with me, so yea now I consider him a best friend too.

[Hope75]

I say he's a good dad cause he takes care of her. He provides for her, which is more than what I can say for others. Yea, he cheats on her, but so have I on my ex boyfriends. That doesn't make me a bad person. As for blowing me off, that was a misunderstanding. His phone was off, that's why he wasn't texting me back. I just went off cause he's never ignored me before. The engagement, he said they are not engaged, he didn't put that on his page & he changed it at my house. As for our friendship, he was actually the one who started saying we're best friends for life first, and over time I got comfortable with talking to him about things like he did with me, so yea now I consider him a best friend too.

 

Financial support is only a small part of being a good parent. He's not taking care of her. He's putting her health and safety at risk by exposing her to potentially deadly STIs. He's putting his children at risk of losing a parent or having one that is ill by risking her health by cheating. He's lying to her, being unfaithful, destroying his family and being a general scumbag.

 

As I remember it, and correct me if I'm wrong, you said he blew you off for weeks last time you were pissed at him. So, are you saying his cell phone was off for weeks?

 

Do you think if he was your 'best friend' he'd be with someone else and sleeping with you on the side? Do you know any 'friends' who treat each other this way?

 

I really do not understand how you can glorify this guy like he's some sort of saint when he's really a total dog who uses women and is using you. I think you are just falling for the oldest trick in the book when it comes to cheaters.

[Arabella314]

Financial support is only a small part of being a good parent. He's not taking care of her. He's putting her health and safety at risk by exposing her to potentially deadly STIs. He's putting his children at risk of losing a parent or having one that is ill by risking her health by cheating. He's lying to her, being unfaithful, destroying his family and being a general scumbag.

 

Guess you have a point there

 

As I remember it, and correct me if I'm wrong, you said he blew you off for weeks last time you were pissed at him. So, are you saying his cell phone was off for weeks?

 

Um..I text him the first week of May when I got my tickets to go up there. Then a second time a few days later. Didn't text him again until I got there In June, saying if he didn't want to be my friend then fine all he had to do was tell me, he called me back.

 

Do you think if he was your 'best friend' he'd be with someone else and sleeping with you on the side? Do you know any 'friends' who treat each other this way?

 

Actually lots of my friends have slept with each other. Classmates, friends from the block.

 

I really do not understand how you can glorify this guy like he's some sort of saint when he's really a total dog who uses women and is using you. I think you are just falling for the oldest trick in the book when it comes to cheaters.

 

I'm not glorifying him. I was just trying to explain that he's not a a$$hole. Maybe to her cause he's playing her, but I'm happy when I'm with him. He makes me laugh, we go out & have fun. That's just how I feel.

[Arabella314]

Quick question..it feels like my stomach is ''fluttering''. I noticed it in the past week, and it's been doing it all day. Could that mean something like that $1 test was crap and I really am?

[abitbroken]

You may protest that he's "not an A-hole." But even if he's not for the sake of argument, he is not an available man - physically or emotionally to you. The world is crawling with men who are "not a-holes" and some of them just might be single and unattached.

 

I urge you to look into what codependency means. When you jump for others and are willing to put your better judgement, safety, or health aside to please them, it is destructive. Especially if you aren't using protection for self preservation. You are a doormat. But actually - it sounds to me like love addiction in some ways.

 

I asked if you are TRYING to get pregnant because you are doing a good job of gambling if you aren't. You are playing with fire. some women think "oh, he'll have to pay attention to me if I have his kid". You say you don't, but you aren't acting like you don't. This guy's attention is like a drug, but really i think its more about having someone that sort of rejects you to validate your feelings of unworthiness to be in a real 2-way relationship.

 

As hopefully you know, he probably gets a big ego boost from you, being that he doesn't have to keep up the emotional end of a relationship and gets a booty call once in awhile. Do you want to be some guys ego boost? And if you do get pregnant, he's going to be an absentee dad.

[abitbroken]

Maybe she didn't say it in the right way - but its sad to watch you go on this path and it IS pathetic that you continue to gamble with your monthly cycle with a man who is not worthy. Sometimes its like you don't know how the getting pregnant thing works - just like a teenager who thinks they can't get pregnant if its their first time - you seem to believe that your cycle is irregular so you can't get pregnant. Sure, it happens once - a scare, and then you learn, but you seem to not want to. It's like being in a movie or watching a show and finding yourself yelling at the character not to do it. But just like a movie, its futile.

 

We just wish you would get some help to recognize you are a great gal and deserve more than this. You deserve a guy who wants to be with you and only you. Its hard to get to that point, but you can start by setting boundaries. No protection=NO SEX. And if he wants to see you, you are not buying more tickets, etc, he has to come to you. And when you set boundaries he will either have more respect for you, or you will be brave enough to end it. Its one thing if you both agreed that you would be FWB as a one time thing, but you are emotionally invested in this big time. And its okay in of itself to not deny what you feel.. But you deserve better than this.

[Hope75]

I think abitbroken said it very well- you have posted several times about wondering if you are pregnant by this guy- are you trying? If not you are certainly being unsafe and gambling.

 

and look at what this guy is doing to the mother of his first child(ren). Ask yourself why it will be any different with you if you get pregnant (answer- it won't).

 

This might be OK if you were just having a casual sexual relationship with someone who wasn't cheating and hurting other people in the process (his partner, his children), but you are taking a gamble at starting a new life with someone who has proven he isn't interested in committing to a relationship or a family, and how unfair is that to any future children you bring into this mess?

 

Part of being a good parent is putting your child's needs before you own- something you clearly aren't ready to do if you are having unprotected sex with a man who isn't being a good parent by example already- someone who won't commit himself to this child. Think about that instead of what you hope will happen. If you want children, maybe you should think about what the ideal situation would be to bring a child into- a marriage or stable committed long term relationship, with 2 mature, committed parents in one home raising the child together and participating equally, with stable finances, and a future.

 

Think about how many girls hope and wish that a guy will commit and change if they get pregnant, and then think about how many guys actually do- very few, if any. And most of those sad, hopeful girls end up raising their children alone.

[Arabella314]

I know I can still get pregnant even though my cycle is irregular. I even know you can still get pregnant using a condom. I know some woman it's just harder for them to conceive and I believe I'm one of those. It's only him I'm like that with, cause anybody else, they wouldn't get anything if they didn't cover it up. I never paid for him to come see me, he came down here and came to see me up there with his own money. He doesn't ask me for money, he's not like that. At first it was just FWB, but things changed. I never planned to fall in love with him, and didn't even expect it to last this long.

 

 

 

Honestly, I don't know what I want. Before, I didn't care and was going through a ''I want a baby'' phaze, and he was the one I was trying to get pregnant from. Now I'm older, so the last 2 times I was with him, I've been worrying about it, even though I know I'm not ready and I don't want to be a single mom, deep down I guess I still do want a baby from him. Twisted way of thinking, I know. (guess that goes back to the abuse we discussed in another topic

 

 

 

He has 2 baby moms. He was with the first one when we met, he got with the second baby mom right before I started to avoid him cause I wanted to get rid of the feelings (obviously it didn't work) and then we both moved away. When he found me, the baby was a few months I think, maybe a year old.

 

 

 

That's what I want cause that's what I have, and I told him that. He just said I won't be alone, and he's moving down here soon and will be here for me. But I don't want the see u on the weekend thing. I want the everyday, family type life, but that won't happen unless he can be faithful. He already told me, he doesn't wanna get serious cause he'd hurt me. Of course I smiled & agreed, but in my head I was screaming ''no!'' ](*,) Next time I see him, we're gonna talk and he's gotta make a choice. Either do what he said he was gonna do & leave & try to get custody or stay and make it work, before I get branded with a letter ''A'' on my chest Most of my friends are single moms, I know how hard it can be & they always say to me ''you're so lucky you don't have any, keep it like that.''

[abitbroken]

Firstly, a baby isn't for a woman to decide to have and then "try to get pregnant by a guy." Its one thing for a woman to adopt a baby by herself, etc, or to go to a sperm bank, but to involve a man unbeknownst to him deliberately is not right. This guy also doesn't have a good track record. And a baby is not an accessory that you acquire. He has told you he does not want to get serious and you are trying to make him serious by maybe having a baby and also smiing and agreeing to his non-seriousness but in your mind wanting more and "seeing if he can be faithful."

 

A man that has had children with 2 women and was never married to either one proves that he cannot and will not commit.

 

You also phrase things like he got the 2nd woman pregnant because you were not around, and maybe that could have been you. He didn't go with her JUST because you were not around, but is probably making it sound that way. If he really loved and only you, he would have followed you to where you moved or he would have done something other than immediately get another woman pregnant. He wanted to have sex with someone and if it wasn't with you, it would be with someone else.

 

You are LUCKY that you haven't gotten pregnant at this point, but please, treat it as a wake up call. There are tons of upstanding guys out there who are frustrated that some gals go wild for guys that have kids with different moms like having a sweeheart in every port.

 

Ultimatums won't work here, as he has proven. Only his actions do. And they speak volumes. And you have already agreed to a casual relationship. I agreed to be with me ex under the pretense that we wouldn't marry but it didn't work because I was secretly hoping.

[Hope75]

I know I can still get pregnant even though my cycle is irregular. I even know you can still get pregnant using a condom. I know some woman it's just harder for them to conceive and I believe I'm one of those. It's only him I'm like that with, cause anybody else, they wouldn't get anything if they didn't cover it up. I never paid for him to come see me, he came down here and came to see me up there with his own money. He doesn't ask me for money, he's not like that. At first it was just FWB, but things changed. I never planned to fall in love with him, and didn't even expect it to last this long.

 

This is what I don't understand, you know he's having unprotected sex with his children's mother, and maybe others and yet you are putting yourself at risk for STI's by having unprotected sex with him. And on top of that, you say anyone else would have to use a condom. Why the double standard when the one you are allowing not to use a condom is the very one you KNOW is putting you at risk?

 

 

 

Honestly, I don't know what I want. Before, I didn't care and was going through a ''I want a baby'' phaze, and he was the one I was trying to get pregnant from. Now I'm older, so the last 2 times I was with him, I've been worrying about it, even though I know I'm not ready and I don't want to be a single mom, deep down I guess I still do want a baby from him. Twisted way of thinking, I know. (guess that goes back to the abuse we discussed in another topic

 

So if you know you are not ready, and you know you don't want to do it alone, why are you even sleeping with him? He's shown you by example that he's not there for the first 2 women he impregnated, and he knows he's risking yet a third woman getting pregnant (while still with # 2) by having unprotected sex with you. Are you really paying attention to his behaviors, not just what he says? You keep mentioning he says you wouldn't be a lone, but he's left the first mother of his children, and is cheating on the second. Nevermind what he tells you, What do his actions show you?

 

 

 

He has 2 baby moms. He was with the first one when we met, he got with the second baby mom right before I started to avoid him cause I wanted to get rid of the feelings (obviously it didn't work) and then we both moved away. When he found me, the baby was a few months I think, maybe a year old. That's what I want cause that's what I have, and I told him that. He just said I won't be alone, and he's moving down here soon and will be here for me. But I don't want the see u on the weekend thing. I want the everyday, family type life, but that won't happen unless he can be faithful. He already told me, he doesn't wanna get serious cause he'd hurt me. Of course I smiled & agreed, but in my head I was screaming ''no!'' ](*,) Next time I see him, we're gonna talk and he's gotta make a choice. Either do what he said he was gonna do & leave & try to get custody or stay and make it work, before I get branded with a letter ''A'' on my chest Most of my friends are single moms, I know how hard it can be & they always say to me ''you're so lucky you don't have any, keep it like that.''

 

So why aren't you listening to your friends who have been there and done that? Do you think they are trying to steer you wrong? What do your friends say about you having unprotected sex with a known cheater? About you being the other woman?

 

And, you want this, but ask yourself if a child would want a single mother who is struggling and a father who has children with 3 different mothers and who isn't around for for any of them?

 

How much do you respect yourself if you think this is the best you can do?

[Arabella314]

Firstly, a baby isn't for a woman to decide to have and then "try to get pregnant by a guy." Its one thing for a woman to adopt a baby by herself, etc, or to go to a sperm bank, but to involve a man unbeknownst to him deliberately is not right. This guy also doesn't have a good track record. And a baby is not an accessory that you acquire. He has told you he does not want to get serious and you are trying to make him serious by maybe having a baby and also smiing and agreeing to his non-seriousness but in your mind wanting more and "seeing if he can be faithful."

 

oh it was never like that. I wasn't trying to get pregnant on purpose when we younger, you could say I was just ''hoping'' I would. He's only pulled out once, and that was actually the last time we did it, so I always assumed he was the one who was trying. He used to tell me that he doesn't think I can get pregnant, and I used to think so too, but I think I was at one time about 3 years ago from my ex. If I wasn't that was the strangest bloodclot I've ever seen. It was shaped perfectly round exactly like a egg when you crack it open.

 

You also phrase things like he got the 2nd woman pregnant because you were not around, and maybe that could have been you. He didn't go with her JUST because you were not around, but is probably making it sound that way. If he really loved and only you, he would have followed you to where you moved or he would have done something other than immediately get another woman pregnant. He wanted to have sex with someone and if it wasn't with you, it would be with someone else.

 

He didn't get her pregnant cause I wasn't around. They were living together. It was bound to happen. He was actually living with her before I started avoiding him. They moved away first. I had no idea until he called me a week before I moved. Then we lost contact for a while & he found me about 3 -4 years ago and we finally saw each other for the first time since we moved a few months ago. Everything just came rushing back.

 

 

 

This is what I don't understand, you know he's having unprotected sex with his children's mother, and maybe others and yet you are putting yourself at risk for STI's by having unprotected sex with him. And on top of that, you say anyone else would have to use a condom. Why the double standard when the one you are allowing not to use a condom is the very one you KNOW is putting you at risk?

 

I guess I'm different with him because my heart gets in the way of what I know is right and what I need to do.

 

 

 

So if you know you are not ready, and you know you don't want to do it alone, why are you even sleeping with him? He's shown you by example that he's not there for the first 2 women he impregnated, and he knows he's risking yet a third woman getting pregnant (while still with # 2) by having unprotected sex with you. Are you really paying attention to his behaviors, not just what he says? You keep mentioning he says you wouldn't be a lone, but he's left the first mother of his children, and is cheating on the second. Nevermind what he tells you, What do his actions show you?

 

He was trying to work it out with first baby mom. She was cheating on him with one of his friends and he found out. Then she moved away also. He did love her though, always used to tell me and ask advice on what he should do so he can be with her. I would put on my best fake smile & give him the best advice I could while in my head I'm thinking why can't he love me like that. I don't even think they talk anymore cause he was telling me how bad he feels that he lost his first born and I had commented on a picture on her page saying how much she looked like him, and his baby mom said why did I curse at her like that lol

 

So why aren't you listening to your friends who have been there and done that? Do you think they are trying to steer you wrong? What do your friends say about you having unprotected sex with a known cheater? About you being the other woman?

 

They tell me to go get my man. Who cares about his girl, if I want him, go for mine and get him. My friends are obviously having unprotected sex too cause now they all have 1-4 kids. I'm the black sheep now..still childless.

 

 

And, you want this, but ask yourself if a child would want a single mother who is struggling and a father who has children with 3 different mothers and who isn't around for for any of them?

 

No, that's not how I want it. I wanted to get married first then have kids.

 

 

How much do you respect yourself if you think this is the best you can do?

 

This might sound hard to believe but out of all the guys I've been with, he's treated me the best.

[Hope75]

Well. you can only blame 'my heart gets in the way' so much before you have to start taking accountability for your actions. You are an adult who is aware that your actions may have consequences so blaming it on 'your heart' is a cop out, I'm afraid.

 

And if this is the best you've been treated that says a lot, and maybe you need to spend some time on your own-- re-evaluating your own self worth and what you deserve. I would also question the type of friends you have if they are all OK with cheaters and having multiple children outside of committed relationships. I feel badly for those children, don't you? Is that where you see yourself going?

 

I also think it is very dangerous to 'assume' he is trying to get you pregnant- since you haven't talked about it and he is with someone else and has children by 2 other women. Where do you come into all this? You speak as though you have no say in any of it. All he is doing is having unprotected sex because it feels good.

 

Again, if you want to get married first and have kids, why are you having unprotected sex with an unavailable man?

[Arabella314]

That's the problem, I'm caught between what I deserve and what I want. My mom always said find a educated, good guy that will give me anything I want because I deserve the best out there. Somewhere along the line, things got screwed up because I might know he's not the best, but if my heart wants him, that's what I listen too. My friends don't know her, I never met her either, they just want me to be happy, but I could never risk him losing that baby also. I would never do that to him, so I stay quiet and play my FWB role. I also assumed he was trying because he never pulled out, I know he's not stupid and that's how a baby's are made. Before he came to see me the last time he had called and said he wanted to make a baby. I said you're gonna put me through that again and he said he dont care, he wants one with me. I said he was crazy and we changed the subject. I don't know if he was serious, we never spoke about that again.

[abitbroken]

He asked you for advice on how to get back with mom #1, etc, and he was living with someone before you moved away/they moved away. Therefore, he was cheating on her with you or vice versa.

 

Stop putting on the smile when he asks you things you don't like or say things you don't like. When he said he didn't want anything serious, you agreed but secretly inside you wanted it. And you just put up with him asking you advice.

 

If you really want marriage before babies, you need to find a different man. He clearly does not want that. He had babies but no marriage and has made it clear in his words and his actions that he is not serious about you or anybody.

 

I strongly suggest that you go to counseling or a support group, etc. And don't contact him for awhile. When you are strong, a different perspective forms. I bet if you were more confident about yourself he would want little to do with you because you wouldn't put up with his crap and you would find someone who actually respected you, who valued you and wanted to be with you. It is hard to let go, and hard to stand up for yourself but once you are different on the inside and have more strength, you will look back at this and wonder why you did this for so long.

[abitbroken]

No, you don't deserve a guy who will "give you anything you want" - you deserve a man who LOVES you and wants to build a life with you. You can buy your own bits and baubles - but work towards things you both want TOGETHER.

 

Withdrawal is the world's worth birth control method! Even me and my guy - who are very cautious, get overtaken in the heat of the moment too. And we had a very close call because we weren't being careful enough. But we learned from that. He is NOT thinking "oh i am trying to get her pregnant or not" - he is NOT thinking in the heat of the moment and just is doing what feels good at the time. Get on the pill or put a condom on him yourself, or don't fool around.

 

I see another big problem here is that you guys don't really communicate well. you hand on to things he says when you two are naked as what he 'really wants' and things that bother you, you just stay quiet or lie about - you tell him you are okay with stuff you are not to not rock the boat.

 

Also - the deserve vs want thing - sometimes we want things that are not so great for us because we convince ourselves that there is all that there is

[Arabella314]

Stop putting on the smile when he asks you things you don't like or say things you don't like. When he said he didn't want anything serious, you agreed but secretly inside you wanted it. And you just put up with him asking you advice.

 

Well this was a while ago, he doesn't really talk to me about his ''relationships'' anymore. Unless it's something bad with his girl, but that he likes or loves someone, not anymore, I'm thinking I must have not hid it well and he noticed it bothered me.

 

I strongly suggest that you go to counseling or a support group, etc. And don't contact him for awhile. When you are strong, a different perspective forms. I bet if you were more confident about yourself he would want little to do with you because you wouldn't put up with his crap and you would find someone who actually respected you, who valued you and wanted to be with you. It is hard to let go, and hard to stand up for yourself but once you are different on the inside and have more strength, you will look back at this and wonder why you did this for so long.

 

I can't imagine him not being in my life. If we stop messing around, I don't care, I could deal with it, that's just sex, I could get that anywhere, but not seeing or talking to him, I can't do that. I never really believed in the '' love of my life'' thing, but I think he's mine. I can't get over him no matter what I do.

I see another big problem here is that you guys don't really communicate well. you hand on to things he says when you two are naked as what he 'really wants' and things that bother you, you just stay quiet or lie about - you tell him you are okay with stuff you are not to not rock the boat.

 

When it comes to everything else, except US, we communicate fine. At one time we never spoke about us at all. it's just recently he's, you can say ''opening'' up a little, but soon as it starts to get a little heated, he'll change it or gets quiet. Like last week when I told him my ex was still here,(no we're not sleeping together, we sleep in separate rooms)and he didn't like that. This time instead of laughing it off like I always did, I said I feel the same about you and your girl. He got quiet. Punk

 

Also - the deserve vs want thing - sometimes we want things that are not so great for us because we convince ourselves that there is all that there is

 

True, you all make good points and aren't wrong about anything, I'm definitely gonna look into birth control. Don't see any point in the pill since there's no one else and we barely see each other, but I know there's lots of others like a shot. I'll do my research.