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so much anxiety because of the break up

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I am going through a break up. Its been about three weeks. I have to stay up tonight because I am studying but I am completely FREAKING OUT over this break up. My mind has been wandering ALL OVER the place tonight. All i have been thinking about is that it will kill me to see him with someone else, and I can't handle thinking about him dating. I can't even handle thinking about us being apart!!! I have so much anxiety flowing through my body because I can't believe its over. He won't talk to me at all, and all i want to do is just get back with him. I've tried to respect his wishes for no contact, but not having ANY control whatsoever in this situation is making me crazy. I know the thing i'm supposed to be able to "control" is me and my emotions and my happiness, but i don't even have a grip on that. i am SO ANXIOUS. i can't focus at all. i have a midterm tomorrow that is worth half of my grade in the class, and i can't even get myself to sit down and study. I haven't been able to focus on ANYTHING for the past three weeks. i don't feel like i can be alone without getting EXTREMELY upset and thinking about it. i feel like i have to talk to a million people about my break up, since he won't talk to me. i just try and talk to a million different people every night about it to cope with it. I need some sort of reassurance that everything will be okay, that my life will return to normal, that what i'm feeling is okay, that i'm not crazy. i feel so obsessive right now. i have removed everything and anything that reminds me of him. i just miss him SO MUCH and even though i know he will never call me again, and that its for the better, the thought of NEVER talking to him or being close to him again makes me go nuts!! i have so much anxiety in my body. i am seeing a therapist right now for the break up, but i'm starting to wonder if i have some underlying issues that may need more attention!! i have NEVER had a problem with this much anxiety before this break up. I have never felt so depressed and obsessive before the break up. I feel this anxiety EVERY NIGHT. there MUST be something wrong with me. i have started going to the gym and i've spent time with friends and family. I NEED AN OUTLET FOR THIS ANXIETY. i wish someone would just SHAKE HIM.


i'm so sorry for being nonsensical!! i can't even calm myself down. i have been crying on and off for the past hour! i just want this to STOP!!!

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Hey everybodyknows...I know exactly how you feel since my ex decided to end it just yesterday. I have not been able to sleep and he's constantly running through my mind that I can barely think straight. I've been crying too because the heartache is just too unbearable for me.


It's great you're posting here and letting all your emotions out but things will get better in due time.

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Take a deep breath for me....hey, you'll be okay. BELIEVE THAT. What you're feeling now are the initial symptoms of the break-up. This anxiety is from the fact that you've lost an important person in your life. Yet, what you need to focus on is you. The reason for this anxiety may be that you feel that you've lost your sense of control. The fact that he is giving you a cold shoulder is making you crazy for one simple reason...it is because you believe that he owes you something. Hun, sorry to say this but there is nothing he can give you. The answers...the closure you seek must come from within yourself. My realizing that it is OVER...that you must learn to live as ONE and not as TWO will help you to gain some control over yourself. One of the best things you've done so far is remove all reminders of him from you sight...that will help. You are also doing good in not keeping all your emotions inside...it helps to speak of them. Its also good that you are having a cry every so often. Those are all ways of your body to release some of this tension and pain you are experiencing over the break-up.


Now, may I suggest something: one thing that has always helped me in this type of situation (or anything else that provokes anxiety) is to set aside a specific time to experience it. Each day, set aside an specific hour (for example) during which you will allow yourself the freedom to think about him...cry over him....feel bad about the break-up or anything else that stresses you out about your life. That full hour...you will be allowed to wallow. BUT once that hour is done, you will pick yourself up and not allow yourself to think of him or your particular problems for the rest of the day. Throughout the day, if he comes to mind...just remind yourself that you've set aside that particular hour to think of him...and let his thought out of your mind. Try this method...it may help you to bring back some focus so you are not worrying about him all the time and can still move forward with your life (e.g., concentrate on other areas of your life like your school, friends, etc). Good luck on your test tomorrow!

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I am in the same position you are. My love, my best friend the person I did eveything with for the last 2 years ended it on Tuesday night. he does not love me anymore and thinks we are not meant to be.



I am feeling the same way and fear like no other fear what will happen when he begins dating- which he will and soon.


I can only wish you some peace on this journey.


I love him so much. I am so hurt and I dont know what to do.

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thank you guys SO MUCH for responding. i ended up calming myself down by just going to sleep, but then that meant i didn't study. therefore, i called into work, and now the anxiety starts all over again. But, at least its over my test and not this dude.


I miss him so much everyday, yet i'm still so angry with him. I know I initiated the break up, but I feel like I was the one who got dumped. I have all of these conflicting emotions when all i want to do is just move on. I know now that staying up late NEVER helps, it just makes my anxiety rise, and it makes my mind wander everywhere.


I'm at the point where I just want to stop myself from thinking what he's thinking. I doesn't help me, and it doesn't matter anymore because its over. Everyday I wake up and I realize he's no longer in my life, and I try to deal with it. The sadness comes and goes in waves, and sometimes there is the crazy (like last night). But at least the urge to contact him is mostly gone. The hope that he will contact me hasn't gone yet, as MUCH as I have tried to push that away. This obviously doesn't apply to all situations, but it definitely applies to mine "Hope is the denial of reality". The reality is that we're done. I have written it down a million times in anger, in sadness, in desperation. These intense feelings of loss are just amplified when i see other couples. I just want to be happy with myself again. I feel like i've lost my sense of self worth. I've written him two emails, texted him, and called him in the beginning of our break up. Every rejection or cold shoulder has chipped away at me, and i can't figure out why i would want to chunk my dignity down the toilet. Each time I have tried to respect his wishes for no contact, i've only been able to go 6 or 7 days. Today is Day 2 AGAIN. In three weeks I have had to start over 3 times. This time, it will be for good. I just celebrated my birthday yesterday, and I refuse to let myself get to that point of anxiety again. I will love myself and my mental health more than that.


I've started to learn from reading these forums that it doesn't matter if you were the one who was dumped, or if you did the dumping. People's situations may be different, but the end result is all the same. The situation is most likely not going to change, any reason, no matter how stupid or important, for a relationship to be ended is a reason, and the only thing left to do is pick up the pieces and take care of yourself, because that is the only person you can focus on now. There are days where I feel like I'm going to be okay, and then the depression just takes over.


I am DEFINITELY going to put what you say into practice. I will allow myself ONE HOUR to wallow in my misery. I just can't live my life like this any longer. I live half in denial and half in the present.


Ex, I was waiting for your call, waiting for you to tell me that you realized I was right, that we could work out it out, and that this was worth saving to you, until yesterday. I need to have control over my life, I can not let this break up control me any longer. When I needed you, you took care of me, now its up to me to make sure I take care of myself.

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Why did you initiate the breakup? Did they treat you badly (if so, how?) or was it a lot of problems you were dealing with? it seems that your anxiety is more geared towards wondering if you made the right decision or not. Maybe that is what you need to think about and move on from there. If you know in your heart you can't be together, then yes it will be hard but you must move on.


However, is your anxiety because you wonder if it was the right choice? Do you really see a future with this person? Maybe you made a mistake.


Just be honest with yourself. My questions are not to make you doubt yourself. Just be realistic. Sometimes the body acts this way (intense Anxiety) when we make a mistake.


Edit: after re reading your post it seems like maybe you've already come to the conclusion it may be a mistake, but that it doesn't matter because they don't want to work it out. In either case, you will heal faster if you regard this as your burden rather than focusing on what your ex has decided (aka to not reconcile) It seems like you're already on your way to doing that though, so, keep it up!

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  • 2 months later...

everybody knows... I truly feel your pain. I am going through the same thing. ultimately I initiated the break up but I feel like the one who was dumped because I am the one in pain and he seems fine. I have also not been in contact with him for two months but had to talk to him recently because of our stupid security deposit. talking to him that one time I feel has set me back TWO MONTHS! please remember that when you want to contact him. I was doing ok and now I am in a horrible tailspin because we talked and he did not sound like he missed me at all and did not apologize or say anything nice. I also just went off an anti depressant 3 weeks ago because it was causing weight gain... now I feel like I am going insane. I am SOOO anxious and sick to my stomach all the time. I just spent the last three days sleeping and crying. Unimaginable pain.

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i'm so sorry that you're feeling this way it gets better, I PROMISE!! when i posted this i was a mess. I can't believe that i felt that way 2 1/2 months ago, but i promise it gets better. Just take care of yourself. All i did after this painful day was sleep and cry. You will feel okay again, and i know this saying sucks, but it just takes time. Today was a really hard day for me too, but how i see it is its just one step at a time. To see how far I've come in these last two months lets me know that I am on my way to being 100% again, and I know you are too. For whatever reason these people are no longer in our lives, it no longer matters. Taking care of YOU is the most important thing in your life right now. Just love yourself, everything else will follow. Know that I'm thinking of you change_in_tide!

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Can really relate to a lot of people in this thread. Im about to go into my second week now, and when the initial break up happened i tried my hardest to get her to at least talk to me, to at least tell me i will hear from her again, but i got no answer. She hasnt blocked me completely online yet, but has me ignored on random, insignificant things. Its really sending me mixed signals, especially since she was the one who wanted to keep communication open. I've vented about it on these forums for the past week, and its helped out a lot. I think just getting your pain and anguish out there to the world, and having people relate to you on their experiences can help give you some good perspective on things. If i didnt try and reconnect with my family and look up these forums i probably would have messed things up much more then i already have. I wouldnt have looked into NC, and would probably still be sending her e-mails and IMs that are "from the heart" and how i "didnt want things to end this way". My only hope is to hold on to what people have told me on here, that absence makes the heart grow fonder. Maybe ill get that "second" chance that i begged her for when the initial split up happened, but certain things that were said make me think other wise. I try to convince myself that it was out of stress, hurt, and anguish, but since i dont have the ability to actually see her and talk to her in person about it right now, it makes it very hard for me to interpret text messages and IMs. We told each other plenty of times that we have never felt this was about another person before, and when the split happened she said she really wanted to believe everything still held true, but all of the arguing and paranoia i was exerting towards her just made her uncertain. I've come to the decision that me making a silent NC promise to her for at least a month will show her that i've changed, not necessarily for her, but to prove that i dont have to depend on her as much as i used to, to show her that i can get over my emotions by myself, and not let jealousy and paranoia force me to ask her the same question every other day.

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My ex ended us 2 months ago. Came back wanting "US" back only to change his mind 24 hours later. Don't know if he got another girl or what. More than likely so as I believe if it "walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, then its a duck!" His actions of not being with me, makes me think its someone else whether its the truth or not.


I know the anxiety, guarantee it will calm itself eventually. Just do me one favor, I know I am a stranger, but you have got to think about YOU! Don't try to be there for him by talking to him when he wants to talk to you, all it just makes him feel is "less guilty" for ending it! If you can, immediately go NC! It will HELP YOU. I promise!


If it made you feel any better, because of the break up, I had to drop one of my college courses b/c my anxiety level 2 months ago was so at the top of the peak, I passed out. I drop a class because of this fool! I couldn't control myself b/c the breakup and the anxiety nearly killed me. My blood pressure went skyrocket high. I am one of those nice, happy people who cannot handle stress otherwise I could instantly have a stroke at a early age. Yes, it was my fault and wish I would of never done that. I wish I would of had the inner strength to pull through it! But I promise you things will get a lot easier. It may not be better, but life would get much easier to handle. You will eventually feel more at peace in continuing with your everyday studies, going to work and whatever else you do. It's just now its hard! I know it because I been there.!

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awe thank u everybodyknows. I hate to say it but not feeling any better Had to go back to work today after three days of hiding from the world. I had taken a vacation day and then just canceled my plans to sleep and cry all weekend! Anxiety at work is so bad. I also had a falling out w/a very good friend that I work with so that is making things weird too and adding to my anxiety. how are you feeling today? I just can't imagine feeling better even though I know I have been in this dark spot before over other heartbreaks. God I hate being wired the way I am. I have always been a sensitive person and dwell on things way too long. I am on my lunch hour now just jumping on this site for support before I have to go back to work and get myself together. What sucks is I know the anti depressants would help but they are causing weight gain and that depresses me more so it's a catch 22

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