Bheart

EX bf, Guess what? Remember that job I didn't get 5 months ago? Well, they called me and offered me the job immediately without an interview in which I started yesterday. It was absolutely wonderful. New environment, new people. It's funny, how you broke my heart in pieces, came back begging me to take you back, only to abandon me again without notice? How dare you do that to me! But in the end, when I felt there was nothing else, I get blessed with a awesome new job and a higher raise. Guess God was really working on my side. What has he done for you? Oh that's right!, because you are a hypocrite. You say you praise the Lord, begging me to go to church with you only to make yourself "look good" yet you don't even attend, your just full of excuses. I don't know what "god" you say you worship, but my God has my back! I really felt it was sign that when I hit the lowest point in my life because of you, you did me so cold for NO REASON, and I get this great job, higher raise, and benefits! I hated that when I drove past your job, all I could think about is how I could of enjoyed this moment with you. Wow, I had YOUR BACK through everything! Ex bf, go ahead continue to be depressed, maybe you need to take some time and get on your knees and pray. If you do that, maybe GOD could guide you to get the job you wanted, the car you wanted, the condo of your choice. But instead, you are selfish, fake, self center, ignorant, stubborn, wishy washy, liar, and probably with your new girlfriend who doesn't even know you are constantly broke! You wanna know something baby?, Remember, when you begged me back only to dump me AGAIN without giving our relationship a chance, abandon me, and yet, your ATM card declined at the gas station the next day and you couldn't buy groceries? You called me up all upset! Why not call your new girlfriend? Maybe she can give you money, You are NOT MY PROBLEM hunny, I don't have to give a 2 cents if your house burned down. But why I feel like I do care for you? Heh, Talk about a sign though! Best believe baby, the nerve of you! you probably on the Devil's side. Somebody is playing with you! This should be a lesson learn, you tell me I deserve a medal, this and that.. I never had hurt you, yet you hurt me? but Continue to bring me down baby, you and your "possibly" new girlfriend will live a life of LIES! I still pray for you every night after you treated me so dirty! What happened to you? I still hope and pray you will seek the Lord and find strength. You don't need a new girlfriend, sex buddy, you need to find your inner self. You are pathetic and all over the place! Yet, I still feel like I miss the OLD you after all this I said.

Ok, I had to post again. I went shopping today and couldn't help but to think of HIM. All the things I would of thought he would look so cute in. But realized that this man had me on a string. Not sure if he intentionally meant it or was unaware.. but yep.. he hurt me pretty bad. I'm not going to lie, I do miss the guy he was. but b/c he screwed me over twice, it is why I cannot love him. I am scared of him. It's friday night and I am all alone sitting in my bedroom. Thinking of him. *sigh* , I still miss our bond. I am very curious if he is out right now possibly with a new girl. I wonder what she looks like thats IF he met someone new yet? 2 months seems so short, but really its been a long time now. Sorta makes me sad, but also makes me happy. Happy to know that if u could find someone new, that I damn well can find me a new guy too. But I am scared my feelings will resurface after all the pain he put me thru when I meet a new guy. I am worried that I will start missing my ex when I am around the new guy. I wish I could be watching a movie with someone right now

After 5 years of being together. He broke up with me 2 months ago. It's funny because I was begging and pleading to never let me go. I suffered thru all the pain of what he put me through. I went NO CONTACT on him. He finally came back at exactly 2 months and told me "I want you back, I cannot live without you" only to change his mind 24 hours later and say "It's better if we leave everything as it is". I now realized that I no longer am in love with a man who doesn't see me as his priority but only his option. I am scared of him now. I have nightmares of HIM. He didn't have to treat me so bad after the breakup, maybe I would of had a lot more respect for him. It's funny b/c all he could say is he felt bad for breaking up with me, that I am the most perfect girl he has ever been with. Telling me I deserve a medal for the kind of girl I am. Perfect marriage material. BUT dumped me, not once, but twice. I miss who he was. I don't hate him, but I will pray for him. His loss. Fool me once, shame on him, fool me twice, shame on me! Still can't believe its been 2 months though. Sucks because I want to say I love him, but I don't anymore. I want to say I want him back, but I don't know anymore. He hurt me so bad that I question if I want him in my life again. He's gone now. maybe for Good. And for some reason... but something is telling me that I don't want him back anymore