Has your relationship survived cheating?

[arcadefire]

I never gave my cheating ex an extra day with me once I caught him. For the most part, and from the experiences I've heard from my girlfriends and guyfriends, most relationships don't last post infidelity.

[maelstrom]

I believe that cheating is a very serious problem that requires very serious solutions. I believe the issues can be fixed but I don't believe it's magic. It takes serious personal reflection, changing, and quite possibly professional help. I think it takes time, and depending on the issues, a lot of time.

 

I don't think a 4 hour conversation can fix it. But I do think people can trust themselves. If you're convinced, if that inner voice tells you it's OK, then go for it. You have to take chances for love. But the fact that you're on here questioning it, I think that's a dangerous sign.

[Staple]

Not a bad person? 15 year marriage and she's been cheating on you for more than a decade? Long distance doesn't make it any better.

 

Sorry about that =\.

[coastalgirl]

I was married and cheated on. I think you can be in a marriage and things can get stale after a number of years, kids etc.

It depends on if it was once. I don't believe in the saying once a cheater always a cheater. People change and grow and also learn by their mistakes. Now serial cheaters that is a different story. I had to leave my ex. He cheated many, many times. He told me about it and I stopped him at 8 affairs in 10 years. I have not idea how many in total and didn't want to know then. I had always suspected it but he told me he never cheated. He had insecurity problems. He needed the constant attention of women and I did not give him the attention he needed, not my fault, his. But, he has been in another live in relationship for 9 years and told me he has never cheated on her. Doesn't make me feel good but it proves that cheaters can change. That is if he is telling me the truth and he really had nothing to lose by lying to me.

 

Now there are the type that stay in their marriage and want their cake and to eat it too.

Then there are people who are very unhappy in their marriage, are lonely and get too close to another person and before they know it, it's too late. Then they have to make a decision as to whether to leave and it's a tough decision. I left but I do find that men find it harder to leave. They are supposed to be the care taker, provider and many stay in loveless marriages out of fear of the unknown. I asked my ex why he stayed with me and continued to have affairs. He could not answer that one. He was a cake eater in our relationship anyway. I could not forgive him, I tried but kept picturing him with other women and could never trust him again. I lost respect for him and once there is no respect, there is no relationship, trust and respect for each other, a healthy relationship needs these two things.

 

So, I believe every case is different. Some people are players and want the security of marriage, the family etc. And some people just fall out of love and don't want to leave out of duty so get involved in affairs which is a no win situation for anyone. It gets very complicated. I don't think these people actively search out affairs. Sometimes someone comes into your life and your thinking straight goes out the window. Not saying it is right but it happens all the time.

[r3ni]

My girlfriend cheated on me during the first year of our relationship. We have been together over two years now. We're still working on our issues, but dealing with her unfaithfulness strengthened our relationship. Of course I would of preferred it didn't happen, but we both learned valuable lessons from it.

[-Sanguine-]

My girlfriend cheated on me during the first year of our relationship. We have been together over two years now. We're still working on our issues, but dealing with her unfaithfulness strengthened our relationship. Of course I would of preferred it didn't happen, but we both learned valuable lessons from it.

 

That's very inspiring to hear!

[cheatee]

My girlfriend cheated on me during the first year of our relationship. We have been together over two years now. We're still working on our issues, but dealing with her unfaithfulness strengthened our relationship. Of course I would of preferred it didn't happen, but we both learned valuable lessons from it.

 

I know this is many months after your original post, but hopefully you're still following this. I think this is great to hear because since finding out I've been cheated on this is the first (positive) story I've heard that kind of resembles mine. I'm trying to decide what to do, because we've only been together abt a year and 3mths, and I just found out he cheated all the way up to the end of last summer, when (he says) he realized he never wanted to do that again, really decided to commit to me, and gave it all up. He didn't tell me but when I found out he said he was glad it's all out in the open now and he has been trying to make it up. The reason I'm harrassing you is because I'm curious about if your girlfriend cheated for a while, or just once. I sometimes feel like the only fool that is trying to work it out with someone who was able to lie for so long and especially in the beginning, before he really even gave our relationship a chance. He does insist that it took him time to grow up, and that our last few months we've been closer than ever (which is true), but I still have my doubts. Does this sound at all like your case, or would you mind saying a bit more about how it went down with you and your girlfriend?