I - just - can't - manage - my - time.

[Keraron]

I know it now. It is the hugest problem in my life and apart from destroying several other areas of my personal life (studies, work, etc.) it is also adding more distance between me and the girl I love. I tried so many times to solve this but I just can't and now I'm desperate because I'm feeling the consequences.

 

Beside the fact that we aren't in a committed relationship yet (but that's another story), my main problem is that, inside me - emotionally - I am unable to do something without completely focusing on it the whole time.

 

For example, if I have to prepare for an exam and actualy want to prepare for it, I must totally isolate my mind from the rest of the world, from anything else that could catch my attention, and that includes her.

Nowadays, even the fact that I face such a choice makes me feel even guiltier and then unable to focus on the studies.

 

This is not something specific to the current girl, but it has always been this way.

 

Also the other way round: If I want to love properly (I'm not talking only about committing to the relationship, but about the mere feeling off love, focusing attention on the person I love, etc. and as a consequence also making sure the relationship is working, flirting, etc.) I NEED to think about her all the time, about what we will do, etc.

 

The issue is this: I feel uneasy when there is any interruption to something I do in a focused and constant way.

 

Actually, the best way to study is to really lock myself inside a room and think and focus only about what I'm studying throughout the entire study time. Any interruption and I loose my mind.

 

I feel this is harming my relationship a bit because, obviously, it is long distance and when there is no frequent communication, this can also create some emotional distance. I really need a quick and severe fix to this.

[arwen]

On a day that you study the entire day, can't you arrange to call your gf at the end of that day? Or do you think that will also distract you during your work?

[Keraron]

On a day that you study the entire day, can't you arrange to call your gf at the end of that day? Or do you think that will also distract you during your work?

 

Anything I plan before doing it makes me think about it, in anticipation (both positively and negatively... and since I'm a bit cynical, I do often think with anxiety, e.g. "what will I tell her", "what should I say if she says", etc. "Shall I actually call her or would it be better to wait a few more days?" etc.)

[arwen]

What if you are not in a relationship? Did you always have trouble focusing? I wonder if this is really about your general ability to focus, or about something that is not right in your relationship (the anxiety you mention).

[Keraron]

What if you are not in a relationship? Did you always have trouble focusing? I wonder if this is really about your general ability to focus, or about something that is not right in your relationship (the anxiety you mention).

 

I am generally anxious regarding anything I consider somewhat important, i.e. when I think about "relationship" I have the same kind of perfectionism I have about passing the exam since it is so important.

 

So I think it is an anxiety about relationships in general.

 

I remember having had the same in the past as well, also with important friends, or even now, when there are important events (friend's graduation party after the exam... "what shall I wear?", "is it better if I don't go at all", etc.")

[PussInBoots]

I am generally anxious regarding anything I consider somewhat important, i.e. when I think about "relationship" I have the same kind of perfectionism I have about passing the exam since it is so important.

 

So I think it is an anxiety about relationships in general.

 

I remember having had the same in the past as well, also with important friends, or even now, when there are important events (friend's graduation party after the exam... "what shall I wear?", "is it better if I don't go at all", etc.")

 

Im no doctor but it sounds like you may have a touch of OCD? I had a friend like that once and they acted the same way. I also have it to some degree I think cause I also obsess about things.

 

I cant multi task I must focus completely for instance I cant talk on the phone and listen to the tv and so on. I also get preoccupied with problems so much it tends to keep me awake at night its not fun ](*,)

[Keraron]

Im no doctor but it sounds like you may have a touch of OCD? I had a friend like that once and they acted the same way. I also have it to some degree I think cause I also obsess about things.

 

I cant multi task I must focus completely for instance I cant talk on the phone and listen to the tv and so on. I also get preoccupied with problems so much it tends to keep me awake at night its not fun ](*,)

 

Hmmm... not sure, because in my case it is only about things I prioritize.