Interracial Relationships

[inlove32]

So, I've been with my boyfriend for about a year now and my parents still can't adjust to the fact that he's black. I'm polish and he is half african-american and half spanish. Also, I'm almost 19, and he just turned 22 (in case you wanted to know). I live with my mom and she doesn't want me dating a black guy so he's not allowed over the house and we kind of sneak around, which is sad at this point. Anyway, I'm just curious to hear people's stories regarding interracial relationships of any kind and issues they may have had either related to family or society, or anything of that sort. So if you have a story (good or bad) and would like to share, I would love to hear it, thank you=]

[pinkelephant]

wow, my bestfriend is croatian and her ex bf is black. (they broke up not because of the interracial thing) she had a really tough time at first. he also wasn't allowed in her house... but he was persistently respectful and instead of sneaking around, she stood up to her mom (while being respectful) and made sure he did too... he'd bring flowers around for her mom and stuff... eventually, her mom loved him as well. it took a lot of work, but if you've been together for a year, i'm sure it's worth it. make sure he keeps on trying with your parents. a lot of the time, people just sneak around and avoid the parents but that's probably making it worse.

[inlove32]

wow, my bestfriend is croatian and her ex bf is black. (they broke up not because of the interracial thing) she had a really tough time at first. he also wasn't allowed in her house... but he was persistently respectful and instead of sneaking around, she stood up to her mom (while being respectful) and made sure he did too... he'd bring flowers around for her mom and stuff... eventually, her mom loved him as well. it took a lot of work, but if you've been together for a year, i'm sure it's worth it. make sure he keeps on trying with your parents. a lot of the time, people just sneak around and avoid the parents but that's probably making it worse.

 

aw, that gives me hope. See, my boyfriend met her in the second month of us dating. She said he could come over for dinner and they talked and it really seemed like she liked him. Then after he left, my mom was like oh, he seems like a really nice guy, but I can't get over the fact that he's black. And ever since then, it's been a roller coaster ride with him and my family. I keep telling him that one day, they're going to get along and we're all going to laugh about this but he just says that that's me being naive and that my mom is set in her ways...so we kind of gave up on trying.

[pinkelephant]

aw, that gives me hope. See, my boyfriend met her in the second month of us dating. She said he could come over for dinner and they talked and it really seemed like she liked him. Then after he left, my mom was like oh, he seems like a really nice guy, but I can't get over the fact that he's black. And ever since then, it's been a roller coaster ride with him and my family. I keep telling him that one day, they're going to get along and we're all going to laugh about this but he just says that that's me being naive and that my mom is set in her ways...so we kind of gave up on trying.

 

ya, i don't mean to stereotype... but they're croatians, so they're definitely "set in their ways". so there's always hope. honestly, theyre your parents, they love you and they want what's best for you. just show them that he's best for you. make sure they know he treats you really really well and that he really cares for you.

[inlove32]

ya, i don't mean to stereotype... but they're croatians, so they're definitely "set in their ways". so there's always hope. honestly, theyre your parents, they love you and they want what's best for you. just show them that he's best for you. make sure they know he treats you really really well and that he really cares for you.

 

ya, that's all I want, I just wish she knew how well he treats me. I figured she would be more understanding after time, because in the beginning, she would say that it's not going to last, so I thought after a year, she would realize that he's not going anywhere and that we love each other, but I guess it hasn't hit her yet. Hopefully I can convince my boyfriend to continue trying at this because it's really become a big problem and created a lot of distance between me and my family.

[itsallgrand]

Yeah, my fam. are the types of bigots that will never out and admit they bigots. They think they are progressive. But even as an adult, you know the big mouths are going to be flapping. lol.

 

It ceased being a real problem once I was on my own. If someone has a problem with the colour, background, race of my partner - they will kindly be asked to keep it to themselves when we or I am around. If they can't, I don't go around there.

 

People are entitled to their beliefs, but not the say if who a person chooses as a partner.

 

Sometimes though it is not about race at all. Race and background can be such a handy catch-all when the problem a person has is actually more specific, but they don't have either the balls or the ability to specify what is actually bothering them.

 

Like for example. My brother having a problem with my dating a man who is from a certain background, and it boiling down to my brother being protective of me. If the guy had been white, he would have found another thing to pick on about it.

[inlove32]

I like how you said "people are entitled to their beliefs, but not the say in who a person chooses as a partner." I couldn't agree with it more. I think that love is love, and when you find it and it feels right, you shouldn't let anything come in the way. And, I'm going through the same thing with my brother. He's older than me and he's always been over-protective of me, especially after my dad left. He originally told me that he didn't want me dating a black guy. However, he recently told me that he just doesn't want me dating anyone, because that's just how older brothers are I guess. But my relationship with him has changed throughout the past year as well. But I figure that since I accept his girlfriend and have never said anything bad about her, I don't understand why he has so many negative things to say about my boyfriend.

[In the Dark]

People just don't like change or different.

 

Quite funny really but at the same time really sad that this kind of carry on happens in this day and age.

 

I am mixed race.

Asian/Welsh born in New Zealand.

 

I have had relationships ranging from British through to Maori.

 

No issues with any though.

 

Really can't be selective by race nowadays but some people are just to ignorant to change even f they know it is wrong.

 

What matters is you being happy.

If the love for each other is strong then when it comes down to the crunch, your parents have no say as what matters is both of you being happy.

[inlove32]

People just don't like change or different.

 

Quite funny really but at the same time really sad that this kind of carry on happens in this day and age.

 

I am mixed race.

Asian/Welsh born in New Zealand.

 

I have had relationships ranging from British through to Maori.

 

No issues with any though.

 

Really can't be selective by race nowadays but some people are just to ignorant to change even f they know it is wrong.

 

What matters is you being happy.

If the love for each other is strong then when it comes down to the crunch, your parents have no say as what matters is both of you being happy.

 

I completely agree; and it really is sad. You'd think that being in the 21st century, things like this wouldn't be an issue anymore. And when I was little, I never thought that I would be going through this, that it would be my family that's racist. It sucks having completely different views than your family because you can't pick your family, you're just kind of stuck with them. And I'm going to have to deal with them until I have enough money to move out and live on my own. And I honestly can't wait for that day to happen, so I won't have to deal with this and I can date whomever I want. My mom claims that she doesn't want me dating a black guy because she doesn't want society to look down on us, but in reality, the only one that looks down on us is her.

[ellandroader]

People just don't like change or different.

 

Quite funny really but at the same time really sad that this kind of carry on happens in this day and age.

 

I am mixed race.

Asian/Welsh born in New Zealand.

 

I have had relationships ranging from British through to Maori.

 

No issues with any though.

 

Really can't be selective by race nowadays but some people are just to ignorant to change even f they know it is wrong.

 

What matters is you being happy.

If the love for each other is strong then when it comes down to the crunch, your parents have no say as what matters is both of you being happy.

 

Have to agree with this....couldn't have put it better myself. I am in half of an interracial relationship too and our families accept it, though we have raised a few eyebrows elsewhere.

[inlove32]

Have to agree with this....couldn't have put it better myself. I am in half of an interracial relationship too and our families accept it, though we have raised a few eyebrows elsewhere.

 

Well it's good to hear that at least your families accept it.