comment on my strangeness...

[EmptySoul]

(i wrote this yesterday, Tuesday June 22nd)

 

I no longer just want to cut bc of pain, stress, anger or any of the other things that build up and eventually set me off. I don't really know what it is now...seeing the blood, I think: the blood on my body, the blood dried on the knife. But I'm doing my best not to injure myself, for the sake of those around me. I know, I should want to quit for myself, but I don't.

 

I hate it that everyone is walking on eggshells around me: anyone who really knows what I do is so careful not to set me off, does whatever they can not to anger me. My mother lets me do almost whatever I want now, she'll change her plans, drive me wherever, just because she's afraid if she pisses me off bad enough that I'll cut myself. Just bc I am completely f___ed up, it doesn't give me the right to do whatever and be a spoiled little b____. And the fact that people are doing this makes me angry, so it seems they are wasting their time. I don't want to be treated like I have some disease, but I guess it comes with the territory.

 

I haven't cut since the 17th...I know that hasn't been that long, but I think it is since I'm only trying to quit solely for others...

 

 

I've become increasingly interested in vampires and magic. Crazy, huh? No, I don't believe in the type of vampires you're probably thinking of, but I'm talking about the people who have developed an addiction to drinking blood. It sounds just as difficult a lifestyle as being a cutter. When you cut, it's just yourself and a knife (or whatever), for them they have to find someone willing to be cut, and willing to give their blood. Then they deal with everyone thinking they're insane (if the wrong people find out). I've always had an interest in people who stand out, live with great difficulties, whatever...

 

As far as the magic thing goes, there's a bookstore in a nearby town with tons of magic books. Wiccan, black, pagan, everything. I can't wait until I get some money so I can buy some of these books. I can't really say whether or not I believe in it, bc I've never tried anything, but I'm definitly curious about it.

 

Anyone who knows anything interesting about either of these subjects? I'd love to hear from anyone who has experience with these things...

 

 

Well, now that I've even further convinced all of you how strange I am, I guess I'll be going...leaving you all with a quote from my new favorite book Sweetblood by Pete Hautman:

 

"She looks different now: brow semiscrunched, half smile, forced cheeriness, and that haunted, scared look in her eyes. I know what she's scared of. She's scared of her daughter...Wherever I go, whatever I am doing, I see her face accusing me...I want to say, This wasn't my idea. I didn't ask to be born."

bye.

 

-EmptySoul

[Eh Im Canadian]

Well, those magic books certainly have a lot of interesting stuff in them. Be careful, because anyone can write anything down on paper, it doesn't necessarily have to be true. I'm not saying it all is fake, I know from rather personal experiences that you can make some pretty weird illusions, and scare the hell out of a lot of people with those. Hope you find wht you are looking for, and congratulations on not cutting.

[Cheap and easy]

So your a little lost at the moment...

 

Seriously if i were in your shoes Id have fun with it. People who walk on eggshells are so much fun. They become so skitish that you can really get some good laughs out of it.

[i_hate_the_world47]

Wow i thought i was starnge you are just like me. I dont cut ne more for the release of stess. i do it now b/c i like tio see my self bleed. And i have been interested in wiccan. though i dont now much i have been studying it for about 2 months.you not strange-your unique