Single mothers, what do you expect from a guy you're dating?

[Seymore]

I am going on a date tomorrow with a girl I like who happens to be a single mother. I am a little unsure of what's to be expected of me.

 

For instance, I dated a girl once who didn't have a kid, but had her nephew with her much of the time. When we went out, I was expected to watch him while she did her thing, play with him, pay for the rides at chuck e cheese, his meals, things like that.

 

I am not sure if this is normal, but part of me feels I shouldn't be responsible for another person's child like that unless perhaps we were married or something. I mean, i like kids and don't mind interacting with them, but it kinda spoons me out to be made like I'm the kids parent when I am not. So single mothers - what do you expect from a guy you're dating?

[DN]

It's OK to be generous to a point but don't let anyone take advantage of you. Apart from anything else you want her to want you for yourself not as a surrogate Dad or someone to pick up the tab for her and her children.

[FathomFear]

I'm not a single mother but if you dated a single mother and entered into a relationship, then yes, I think it would go without saying that you should be heavily involved with the child's life and take on responsibility. Being a father just isn't about supplying the sperm. If you decide to date someone with a young child then you need to be ready to help out and parent the child along with your partner.

 

Of course, you should be wary that you're being used exclusively for that...

[andreacroyston]

I'm about to be a single mom and my main thing is that I'm not looking for a daddy. I'd want the guy I'm dating to treat me with respect and be someone I can trust. I also wouldn't bring him home to meet my daughter on the first date.

[Seymore]

Thanks everyone. If the kid is along on the first date I'd probably have to think long and hard about a second one. Date, that is

 

I pretty much am just asking this now because if the case is that I would be expected to do all I've mentioned, it would probably be easier to know now and cut my losses. But if that's not what a single mother expects, I'm willing to give her a shot

[starcrossed1607308321]

Depends. Know this though....you cannot date a single mother if you are not willing, on some level, to accept her children some day as your own.

 

It is irresponsible and unfair. A mother cannot be loved apart from her children. If you sign up, you sign up for all of it.

 

As for dating and progressing, everyone is different. Again, if you goal would be to "never" have to treat the child as your own, don't bother.

 

If on the other hand your mindset is that "if she turns out to be the right person, someday I would try to accept her child(ren)", the stages of progression are entirely dependent on the comfort of you and her.

 

Watch Jerry Maguire.

 

Don't mess with single mothers. They are not like single women with no dependents. She has a lot more to lose than just a boyfriend, and a lot more to think about and worry about.

[Brigadoon]

We're just like any other single women to be honest; we just have extra responsibilities.

And so being just like any other women you're going to get good and bad.

In my last relationship I never expected my ex to behave as a father towards my son, just act like a responsible adult around him ie don't swear or let him play with matches lol.

I don't know of anyone who would expect you to behave the way your ex did regarding her nephew; I should imagine that she just felt like she'd been stuck with a child and wanted to be off doing other things so I really can't see any half way normal woman just dumping her child on you. I certainly would have to know you a fairly long time before I asked you to mind my child if I needed a babysitter.

I wouldn't worry about it. Just treat her as a woman you're interested in and apart from a few desperate loonies we really aren't out to fleece you for all you're worth.

Also I know plenty of families with children from previous relationships and they are all different; in time the child has come to call the new guy "dad" or "stepdad" or "my mothers boyfriend". So don't stress it, enjoy getting to know her and if you feel like you want to step it up a notch then I'm sure you guys will find the best setup for you as individuals