Struggling to forgive ex for everything bad that happened.

[ledi]

I was 18 years old when I ended up in an oppressive relationship with a 29 year old man who was emotionally unstable. It resulted in two years of him "despising women" and taking all this crap out on me, and I sat there are took like a coward.

 

During this relationship he got past his depression (that I was actually unaware of at the time, he revealed this to me later) but at the expense of me emotionally.

 

Whenever we were in social situations he would become a snob and look down on me and exclude me socially, and sometimes look down at me and do a sarcastic laugh. He was humiliating. Now that the relationship is finally over, I have no friends left. He took up so much of my time, and I didnt introduce him to any of my close friends because I was just so embarrassed, so I have lost those friends due to lack of time spent with them. I couldnt make friends whilst in the relationship because he was very quick to steal that away from me too.

 

Now I have no one to talk to about this, I feel so alone in dealing with getting over him. I am depressed and have no one, at all. I am just stuck with these questions such as "why, why? did you do this to me?"

 

He was basically a man who had a teen girlfriend who had done nothing but be loyal and naive, and he took his hatred of women out on her and emotionally exausted her, destroyed her social life and pigeon-holed her.

 

I'm not sure what advice i am look for here, i guess I just need to be heard as I have no one close enough to talk to this with. It's not something I can unload about to a casual aquaintance.

 

How do you deal with getting over an emotionally draining relationship? Do you ever get over it?

[MikNomis]

Yeah, with time you'll get over it. Don't worry, you ended up with a little man who treated you like a coward because inside, he was the insecure coward. Just be glad things are over with him now and just get on with your life. How old are you now, are you in college or past perhaps?

[ledi]

i'm 20 now, and i have almost nothing going on in my life. No job or anything at the moment, but that will pick up. But he is this big successful man and I feel like just a big loser now

 

Everyday is just a torment with the "why? why? why?" and i somehow, stupidly expect him of all people to answer it. And we end up arguing all the time, making it worse.

[lavenderdove]

Honey, you can't ask the fire why it burned down the house. It is what fire does. I think it is the same with certain people, that they are totally screwed up individuals, and they prey on the innocent to work out their own issues and satisfy their needs, even if it is very destructive to those they come in contact with.

 

I would try really hard not to frame yourself as a victim, but as a survivor! You were smart enough to recognize the house was on fire, and got out. So you got burned... everyone gets burned at some point, some more badly than others, but you can and will heal because you got out and saved yourself.

 

And you were strong enough to recognize that no matter how successful he was, he wasn't good for you, and that takes strength. Lots of young girls get sucked into the relationships with twisted older men, and get strung along for 10 years, only to get dumped when they get too old (or too wise) for the older guy and he moves on to another teenager. So you are stronger than you think.

 

And you are still so young! You have your whole life ahead of you to make friends and meet new GOOD people to date. Start by practicing thought stopping (google it) to quit obsessing about your ex and the past. You are perpetuating your own suffering by doing that, and you can gain control of your thoughts and put him firmly into the past where he belongs. And if you are in any contact with him, break it off immediately and cut off all avenues that might bring you into contact (phone, email, facebook etc.)

 

Next, join clubs or other activities where you can meet people and make friends. Or go to college, where you can meet LOTS of people your own age and are guaranteed to make friends.

 

Your life is just beginning, and you are now a lot wiser than many your age for having been thru this and making a choice to get rid of this guy and live a full happy life rather than be someone else's emotional punching bag. Think about YOU, and practice thought stopping to forget about him. Remember your life is your own and you can do anything you want with it and his impact is OVER if you choose to stop thinking about him and put him firmly into the past where he belongs.

[Hell_On_Heels]

Agreed, lavenderdove - and you can try hooking up with your old friends, too. Worst they will say is no. But the best they will say is that they've missed you and would love to see you again.