Will I ever feel the same about anyone else??

[dancingcolors]

So, I went to a crafts show today, and set up next to the Kettle Corn guy. He was nice, and we talked alot throughout the day. It was a slow show, not much going on.

 

Anyway, he first showed alot of interest in me, then cane out and said he was interested in me. Then he went as far as asking me to come spend the night at his place with him. He was a nice person. He wasn't bad looking. He said he has been alone awhile, and wants a real relationship, some to rest his head on their shoulder, he seems like a nice person.

 

He is alot younger than me, like 16 years. He said he didn't care. I am a health food nut, and he ate hot dogs and coke. he was going to his car, and smoking alot of pot. Maybe, there isn't anything wrong with me. He is a nice guy, but really not compatible. I told him I was kind of damaged, that I have emotional baggage, and that I don't want to hurt anyone, especially who seems sincerely seeking a real relationship. He asked me if I would consider being in a relationship with him.

 

It's just when I met my ex, it was like a magic click. the world disappeared for 10 hours. At the end of the visit, we couldn't tear our selves away from each other. About the 5th date, 7 hours seemed like 7 minutes. It was like we entered some other realm with each other, we connected so good. Will I ever feel like that again?

 

I have met different guys in the last 15 months, gone on dates, nothing cliques. I want to be with someone, but then part of me feels damaged, and doesn't know for sure what I want. I know I want a man, and a real relationship, but my heart break and trauma seemed to have damaged me so much, I wonder if I am capable of it. I did like this one guy alot in Montana, went on about 4 dates and was starting to have feelings for him, when he said he was too damaged from the past and just wanted to sleep with everyone in town. The town was like 550 people, so that wouldn't work too good, as we each knew everybody, and I actually liked him.

 

Am I making any sense??

[Chocolatefrogs]

It's just when I met my ex, it was like a magic click. the world disappeared for 10 hours. At the end of the visit, we couldn't tear our selves away from each other. About the 5th date, 7 hours seemed like 7 minutes. It was like we entered some other realm with each other, we connected so good. Will I ever feel like that again?

 

 

I think it's quite unusual to fall this quickly, and have the magic spark this fast. Often falling for someone is more of a gradual process. I have fallen head over heels for someone in a club on first meeting, and also fallen in love over the course of about two months where a tiny spark grew into a bigger one. The one where it took longer to develop ended up being the stronger flame, but of course, every relationship is different.

 

I think you will have strong feelings for other people again - but accept the possibility that they may take longer to eventuate than with your ex. By way of metaphor...being handed a beautiful flowering plant is a wonderful gift from fate - but its equally rewarding to grow and nurture the same plant from a tiny seedling. Good luck!

[Crazyaboutdogs]

This guy really just wanted to take you home to have sex and he was trying to sell it to you as a relationship. I really wouldn't use this guy as a barometer for your feelings. This is just one guy and he smokes pot and just wanted an evening of sex.

[funk]

I agree with 'Crazyaboutdogs'

[Carus]

I agree with Chocolatefrogs*

[Hell_On_Heels]

I agree with everybody, lol

 

I had instant connection with my ex, too. We met for coffee for our first date and ended up talking for hours. He wanted things to move fast, and I was making noises about taking our time, but my noises were soon drowned out by the excitement of the relationship, the intensity.

 

And it's been, quite frankly, an abusive relationship. My self-esteem was being demolished very slowly once we married. I questioned my own sanity, and my own health - had 2 different doctors determine that I am NOT menopausel (he frequently threw this at me when I was hurt or upset).

 

I am still not very clear on what happened, or what his problem is - narcissistic? Passive-aggressive? He seems to be a mysterious combination of a lot of things. But I do know he is broken inside...and a huge red flag is anyone who wants to push a relationship along quickly and intensely. That's one of the things I have learned from this divorce.

 

I don't know what your ex is like...my point is simply that there is a lot to be said for taking your time, allowing the other person to "prove" themselves, and to let them get to know you, too, over time.

 

But I wouldn't date the pot-smoking hot dog boy. LOL

[fuddiduddy]

OP, you're wondering the same thing I'm wondering. Everyone tells me "you'll definitely fall in love with someone else...probably someone even BETTER." I hope they're right.

 

But alas, I'm having a hard time believing I'll meet someone and be attracted to him as much as I was attracted to my ex. AND to have someone as compatible to me as my ex--sharing the same obscure interests and hobbies, same temperament, same background--while still being extremely physically attracted to each other just seems like lightning struck and will not strike again.

 

I mean, we were together for about 9 mos, but it was surely all honeymoon phase still. I say that because the spark was there for us both, we often talked about long-term plans obsessively, and we did a ton of fun activities and trips together. I've never been so happy in my life! We hadn't got to the point of arguing and dealing with each others shortcomings yet. (The rship broke up over a personal crisis of his which left him emotionally unavailable for a rship--or so I was told in so many words. He swore it had nothing to do with me or the rship.)

 

And to this day (just as during the relationship), I still honestly don't see anyone, anywhere that I feel is as handsome as my ex is (in my mind).

 

I don't know what to say or think about this.

[dancingcolors]

You know it is kind of sad.. With everything crappy my ex did to me, he acted way better than any guy I met since. He payed for everything right away, asked me out for a second date two days later. And then contineued to ask me out, reguarly. Always drove an 1 hour 15 minutes to come see me, always took me out on real dates, the whole two years, and always payed. Called me everyday. He didn't smoke pot, drink or smoke cigarettes. He ate good, and was concerned about health. He worked. He was always on time, and if he was even a few minutes late he would call. He would rub my back, shoulders and feet. Plus we just connected good. And this was the guy who broke my heart, and he treated me better than any guy I have met since. I miss him.

[dancingcolors]

fuddiduddy, I am there with you 100%.

[Hell_On_Heels]

DC, when you first met your ex, how were you feeling about you and your life?

[dancingcolors]

I wasn't broken hearted about anyone, but I wasn't all bubbly and everything is so wonderful. I had been alone for a long time. I was a lonely, single mom of a rebellious teenage daughter. I remember I had a terrible fight with my daughter a few weeks before, and I prayed and told God, I couldn't go on like this anymore alone. I wanted to be with someone. I thought my ex was an answer to pray. He was lonely too. He had been separated from his wife for five years, and was going through divorce mediation. The first date, he talked about just wanting a bond of love with someone, walking hand in hand, arm in arm, in a bond of love. In the end he said he couldn't love me, although he wanted too, and doesn't know why. He claims he loves the woman he is with now, although he looked terrible and seemed unhappy.

 

The whole thing just makes me sad and cry.

[Hell_On_Heels]

He had been separated from his wife for five years, and was going through divorce mediation.

 

Gently saying this...being separated for 5 years is not normal. It shows that he can't commit to anything - marriage or divorce. I'm half wondering if my ex will be the same way, since he's making no moves to file and won't even discuss it with me - yet is lonely, and wants someone new.

 

Your ex does not sound like a good guy to me...if he's unhappy now, it's his own doing. Mine is the same way. He won't be happy long-term - he'll only get short temporary bursts of happiness with each new relationship. He can't sustain anything.

 

I guess I'd like to see you visualize a healthy relationship with a better person. What would that look like to you? What attributes would he have? How would he treat you? How would you treat him?

 

I only know that we attract what we are at any given time. If you are lonely, you will attract other lonely people - but they may not be the healthiest person. Do you know what I mean?

[dancingcolors]

He was separated for so long because his wife didn't want the divorce. she had MS, and they had 4 kids. She was a Christian and got him to go to all this counseling for their marriage, and was like dragging her feet about everything. Even after their divorce, she didn't even obey the court oder to move out in 6 months, off their property. it took her much longer. I think her having MS, effected alot of his decisions because the kids lived with her, and he was a good, responsible father. it was kind of complicated.

 

I don't know how not to feel lonely. I just do. Yes, I do lots of things, have friends, have a roommate who I am very close to, and there is his baby. i am around people alot, but it just isn't the same as being with someone. I have been alone,. not living with a man for like 19 years. That is kind of lonely.

 

And I do work too, and I have to go to work now, to the Crafts Show, to spend another day, next to the Kettle Corn guy.

[TurtleDove12]

It's hard to say if you'll feel that again. No one can answer that.

 

One of the hardest reasons it's difficult to give you an answer is that the feeling that you're looking for, that same feeling, is hard to attain because >you're

[Hell_On_Heels]

Oregon is a no-fault state. She couldn't stop him from getting a divorce. She could only delay it by arguing over children and property...and even then it's usually over in a year.

 

I'm sorry to hear that she had MS.

 

The more I hear about him, the less I like him. Not that my opinion matters, LOL, but I do think he was a real loser. In marriage, you're supposed to stand by your spouse when they're sick. With kids involved, it's even worse.

 

I am harping on this because I don't want to see you make another bad choice in partners. Being lonely sucks, but it does pass as you fill your life with things that make your heart sing. Maybe it's time to look for things that uplift you.

 

I know what it is to be alone. I was on my own for years raising 3 kids after their dad died. I don't say these things lightly, and I'm not judging you at all. I just worry that you will end up with someone who doesn't deserve you or treats you right.

[BriarRose]

Not only do I think you will find someone else, you will find someone better. He doesn't sound so great, your ex.

[dancingcolors]

Yeah, all my friends don't like him, and my daughter hates him. Look what he did to me. That said, I still miss him. It's irrational, I know..... I prayed today, that God would help me stop missing him. I had kind of a hard day, set up next to the kettle Cron Guy. it wasn't mean or anything, just about 1/16 as friendly, since I didn't go home with him last night.

[Hell_On_Heels]

Do you miss him or the relationship?

[funk]

We all love our ex! We are not spiteful! They were cute and really there when we needed them. If they left us, lets' let them live their lives! But their part will always be there in our heart!! i soo agree with fuddybuddy....won't find any1 agn like them! but, that's past!! We've got to live and meet the ones who are born for us, who will love us as much as we loved our ex! what goes around comes arund. U gave luv, u'll get luv ! cheers!

[dancingcolors]

Thanks Funk.

Hell on Heels miss him, more than the relationship because he put me through so much BS defining the relationship. I really miss HIM. And I just miss being with someone. I would gladly take my new someone, if I can only find him.

[sunday2010]

Thanks Funk.

Hell on Heels miss him, more than the relationship because he put me through so much BS defining the relationship. I really miss HIM. And I just miss being with someone. I would gladly take my new someone, if I can only find him.

 

you and me both teh two months I've gone through feel liek 20 years.Its truly soul destroying.I'm getting out and dating etc and doing thinsg but the sadness and heaviness never leaves sometimes.