why do guys go around with girls by displaying " just friends" status to the world

[funk]

1.) why do guys go around with girls by displaying " just friends" status to the world

this happened with me and he dumped me. so i feel that they were cheating since beginning, and i was a fool, coz a true lover will never feel shy to show to the world, his choice, his lady!

are there any other reasons, y would guys hide their relationship to the world?

 

2) while in date, when do u know that he is the one? he is worth being your hubby? bcoz, i had a hidden relationship for 2 yrs, and i was so impressed,but he cheated me and dumped me after 2 yrs!

 

3) does KARMA exist? what goes around comes around? if they ditched u, they too will be ditched? their lives will become miserable? karma , God, anything ?

 

pl reply to all these 3 questions, to all the ena members.

Thankyou

[sidehop]

Sounds like he was hiding something all along.

 

You don't know that he's the one until two people have built a strong relationship and continue to do so on a daily basis leading to marriage, children and as a long-life partner. I really don't believe you know that from the beginning. People can change.

 

Karma does exist but depends on the situation. A cheater would likely be digging holes that he/she will probably not be able to get out in the future; I believe all actions have consequences in one from or another.

[annie24]

personally, I would be concerned if he didn't start calling me his 'girlfriend' in public after a few months of dating, much less 2 years. it's hard to say if he has someone new, or he was sniffing around for someone else, but it sounds like he wasn't so committed to the relationship. That's my take. some people might disagree and say they don't care about titles, that's not important, but to me it is.

[Batya33]

personally, I would be concerned if he didn't start calling me his 'girlfriend' in public after a few months of dating, much less 2 years. it's hard to say if he has someone new, or he was sniffing around for someone else, but it sounds like he wasn't so committed to the relationship. That's my take. some people might disagree and say they don't care about titles, that's not important, but to me it is.

 

Yes, same here. I love Sidehop's take on how you know someone will make a good spouse. I do think it requires a positive mindset because otherwise you end up overanalyzing silly minutae and might miss out on what otherwise could be a healthy relationship.

 

I am not a superstitious person but having seen "karma" as you define it, happen many times, I am mostly a believer! But, I dont' think karma should motivate someone's behavior - it's a good alternative when you're faced with two choices, one of which is harder, but the more thoughtful choice, to motivate yourself with thoughts of karma, but in general being able to choose the "better" path should be motivated by a general sense of wanting to do the right thing.

[funk]

no i am talking in this context...its not wrong if someone leaves us, they have got full right! but one should not be so confident of not leaving either! They must make it clear that they are just knowing me and they may leave. but my ex was full-on confident that I was his life partner image

so that hurts

he broke my faith.

now it shouldn't be that he can hurt and move on. He should know what he did is wrong and has to face consequences. I can no nothing, but KARMA ?\

what goes around comes around , doesn't it?

well he was my 1st and broke up a month back. so i dont have much experience as to does it really work , do they too get ditched? but if people here have gone through what i just went through, then what was the result? Did he ever get hurt? or was he happy and with all the sadistic pleasure he got by leaving you and playig with your heart

[Batya33]

Did your ex propose to you? Did you have a wedding date? Did you plan to have some other kind of commitment ceremony? Other than his words that he saw you as a life partner, what actions did he take to back those up.

 

Sometimes life isn't fair. Often you see later on that what seemed unfair at the time, worked out for the best. So, if he gets married within the year to someone he is very happy with, you will think it's unfair. But then if you meet someone who's a good match for you you will realize that he did you a favor by ending things, to free you to meet someone better for you.

[funk]

no he dint leave me for some other girl. he left me saying that he still has got feelings for me, but, he has to concentrate on his career , as he is financially dependent on his parents right now, and his parents wont pay for his further education if he has any girl in his mind!! so it was his parents' decision and so was his, to break contact with me for 4 yrs, he said he would come to me after 4 yrs of NC ! i know him only since 2 yrs. I wouldn't mind waiting for him, but he was just so unconfident that he will come back, he dint commit me that he will come back after 4 yrs, he said , i can move on if i find someone else in these four yrs, it seems he chickened up to break up , as he knew he had promised me to marry me , 2 yrs back, and used to keep saying that he would marry me, throughout these 2 yrs!

yes he did propose me 2 yrs back. infact that time i had nothing for him, i considered his feelings and gradually fell for him! he ssaid he was totally committed to me and that if i reject him, he will not marry throughout life. yes he was loving, caring, supportive, protective etc...but then he played with my trust several times, played politics, fought several times but i overlooked it all, as i was in love with him.

[Batya33]

Did you have an engagement ring and a wedding date? What actions did he take consistent with his promise to marry you?

 

I'm sorry to say but it sounds like he is just not that interested in marrying you - this could change but I wouldn't wait around for him. It was wrong of him to promise to marry you and to ask you to wait around for him. You might want to think about why you gave him the chances you did other than "because I love him" - were you too afraid to leave him and be alone? Do you have a fun, fulfilling life without him or any man in it? It sounds like you kept going back to him even though his actions weren't consistent with his words and he might have taken advantage of that, knowing you would continue to hang out and hook up with him even if he didn't really commit to you.

 

I would move on, accept that not everyone is going to be a good match for you, work on raising your self esteem so that you are confident enough to leave someone after they do something you feel betrays you, and focus on being a giving person to people who treat you with respect and consideration.

[funk]

I'm sorry to say but it sounds like he is just not that interested in marrying you - this could change but I wouldn't wait around for him. It was wrong of him to promise to marry you and to ask you to wait around for him. You might want to think about why you gave him the chances you did other than "because I love him" - were you too afraid to leave him and be alone? Do you have a fun, fulfilling life without him or any man in it? It sounds like you kept going back to him even though his actions weren't consistent with his words and he might have taken advantage of that, knowing you would continue to hang out and hook up with him even if he didn't really commit to you.

 

Absolutely True! He was too possessive, and because of that, I lost all my existing friends and was left with just him! So whenever he left me and went away, I was lonely and used to hang on to him.

[funk]

He played tricks . Now I understand . His aim was to separate me and make me aloof, so that I was left with no one , and had to cling back onto him, no matter what!!

[Batya33]

He played tricks . Now I understand . His aim was to separate me and make me aloof, so that I was left with no one , and had to cling back onto him, no matter what!!

 

Well what I meant was to look at your own role in this - sure, for part of it you might have been a victim but I think it's more productive to look at why you chose to stay with him - not what he did to you, what you did to you that justified your staying with him rather than being on your own and/or looking for someone who treated you with respect.