im probably the biggest idiot in the world (c this post)

[hotrod8472]

Dang I must be the biggest idiot in the world thinking that me and my ex were doing good and feeling that she was into me again..here's a short brief backround me and my ex have been broken up about 3 mths with one month NC then shew initiated contatc and we started hanging out and stuff like friends and she's flirting with me and all, mind you she's the one that dumped me bc I was to jealous and possesive which has since chaanged, anyways she's been sick the past 2 days and so I txt her to see how she was feeling today and she tells me" great! Look at my Facebook so" I look at her fb and her statu sd that her honey finally arrived and how she was happy and her relationship staus changed from single to in a relationship. So I'm like why would she do that to me and tell me to look at her fb when she knew that I still had feelings for her and at least I thought she still had feelings for me. So now I'm like what do I do? Maybe its a rebound or a GIGS or maybe I should just delete her altogether and say I can't be friends with her anymore. Is there still hope in these kind of situations please help ENA I'm really confused

[Carus]

Gee how nice of her!

 

Are you sure she's not referring to you though...?

 

Stay Strong

K2*

[TSandullo]

Hey hotrod,

 

I honestly do not know what to make of it.

Klagan could be right about how it could be referring to you.

How intense were your last few meetings prior to her stat change? Anything indicating a total recon.

 

I mean, if my ex thought we were back together, I think I would like to be informed first!

 

Or even, like you said, might be some other chap in the scene that she is now besotted with.

 

Either way, the best thing would be to either wait it out and see what she does next (ie contact).

 

Do keep posting and let us know how things progress (hopefully).

 

TS

[MikNomis]

I think because of how long you two have been broken up, and with the month of NC and all, now that you guys are talking again she's curious if you still like her, so she gets you to see her facebook that has news about some mystery new person, to see if she gets a reaction out of you. I'd say "Hey, you finally found your soulmate? Niiiiice!"

[hotrod8472]

So r you'll saying to just not react and let it run and maybe she might be talking about me? Sounds like a plausible idea but why would she play games with my mind like that?

[YounGun]

You should not get angry or jealous.

 

Just say congratulations, and let that be it.

 

She is clearly looking for a response from you - don't let her get it.

 

Good luck.

 

-yG

[MikNomis]

Why would she do that? Well, it's sort of a common thing, to fish for attention because people like knowing that they're loved.

[hotrod8472]

Well here an update on wht happened...I did get angry at her status change on FB and how she made me look at it so I did the dunb thing and reacted I commented on her FB status * * * RUS and so today while I was at work I get like 10 missed calls from her when I finally got to speak with her she was like what did that mean because she doesn't speak english luckily so I just told her that it meant congratulations in english that's all and then she was like ok cool and then sd she would let me go bc she had ran out of min on her prepaid ph calling me. So basically what I did was swallow my pride and just sd congratulationsm

[MikNomis]

What you did was good. Letting her know that you were angry would have been the loss, because it would make her happy knowing that you're still over there pining over her. You say that you've swallowed your pride, but what you've done is the thing that affects them the hardest. You should continue to act like this.

[hotrod8472]

Ok I don't get it though...how does it help when I do pine over her and I do hope one day we can be back together. I mean if she really does have somebody new in her life and he is a rebound or it is GIGS how lonjg do these last and is there still chance of reconcilliation if I persue her in a non obvious way? b/c I tell u wht it really hurt just saying congrats, when wht I really wanted to say was how I still cared for her a lot and wished we were back together](*,)

[MikNomis]

I'm sure it hurts, but we're thinking for the future here. Right now you want to tell her how you feel, but let me reassure you that it's not going to do anything. You might get some type of emotional reaction from her, but that's all it will be. Words and nothing more. You will be exactly where you were when the breakup was fresh and as long as you continue to give in to your emotions you will continue to be trapped in this sad state. The way for change is to focus on healing. Your chances of reconciliation are best when you don't exhibit needy/clingy behavior, and it just so happens that keeping on low or no contact with them does a great job of this.

[hotrod8472]

I'm sure it hurts, but we're thinking for the future here. Right now you want to tell her how you feel, but let me reassure you that it's not going to do anything. You might get some type of emotional reaction from her, but that's all it will be. Words and nothing more. You will be exactly where you were when the breakup was fresh and as long as you continue to give in to your emotions you will continue to be trapped in this sad state. The way for change is to focus on healing. Your chances of reconciliation are best when you don't exhibit needy/clingy behavior, and it just so happens that keeping on low or no contact with them does a great job of this.

Ok MIkNomis I like your talk but just two things I can't seem to figure out...why does she want to keep me around as a friend if according to her I hurt her bad? And also should. I continue this friendship NC or LC such as txting or going to get togethers and stuff like that? And then myt friends have thinking did she really love me or was it just a bunch of crock. But I really honestly think she did love me.

[MikNomis]

She wants to keep you around as a friend because now that she has broken up with you PLUS she knows that you like her, she can get all the attention she wants from you without having to be committed to you. She can call you late at night talking about her problems, or ask you for a favor every now and then because she is betting on you doing it. Let me add that a lot of the time, exes tend to end up doing this without intentionally deciding to do so; it seems to be something that just happens, probably because the dumpee sticks around doing anything for the ex to try get back together.

 

Right now, I'd advise you to NC so that you could heal as quickly as possible. What your friends said could genuinely be their opinion, but in my opinion I think people close to us like friends and family tend to say things that they themselves wish would happen. Your friends probably wish you two would get back together as well, and so they tell you that they believe she loved you so that you would somehow hang in there and magically get back together. But that's Hollywood; it is very different in reality. In reality the one that heals first from the breakup wins.

 

I am in no place to say whether she loved you or not. Just know that there are so many people in the world that you can love, that would love you back as much or even more than this ex.