Broke NC.. d'oh.

[ElleB]

Hello guys.

 

Firstly I just wanna say kudos to everyone going through this break up crap - it's horrible... Big hugs to you all.

 

Secondly, broke NC for the first time in 20 days (20 since the break up). Didn't say anything much at all, just sorry, he asked why did I call, I said I dunno, and somehow the "conversation" lasted 13 minutes.

 

Eff knows why I called... just needed to hear his voice I suppose.

 

Found out he re-added an old f*** buddy on facebook yday (he's deleted off there)... I shouldn't have looked through his friends, but I lapsed and did. Threw up afterwards.

 

We ended due to my insecurity/neediness/anxiety disorder and his inability to cope with it and him wanting to pursue his acting career and not have a relationship.

 

He ended it via a facebook message... no face to face action. He was selfish and included that classics of "I love you more than anything" and "I hope we end up together one day" ... that kinda nonsense.

 

I have been reading SuperDave's thread, and doing what he recommended - focussing on me. I managed to get a new job, new painting commissions (I'm an artist) and move forward in my opinion of myself. Am gonna continue again with my own stuff and self love whatnot... I just feel awful with what's happened in the past 24 hours.

 

Sigh.....

 

Thanks for readin x

[marshmallito]

Oh well, back to NC for you!

This extra confirmations of that he isn't for you is just checking that the relationship really is dead. You do need to be sure, and believe it, so you can grieve and move on. It isn't necessarily a set back if you are getting closer to moving on with your life.

[ElleB]

Ahhh... Thank you for responding.

 

I do have to let go. I have to move on... just not entirely sure how? To detach myself from that little bit of hope. I am in the passenger seat of this break up car, waiting to be taken where I'm going but not doing it myself.

 

I have given him so much control. He's not even in my life right now but he is on my mind CONSTANTLY at the moment. ](*,)

 

Eurghk....

 

NC it is..

[wheatgrass82]

i like reading this... i am on day one of no contact.. reading that was good for me... a reminder to be strong... exercise my willpower in the days ahead. thank you

[RobD70]

You have to kick him from FB and keep in mind you will never have him again as long as you still want him. Breaking NC will always end up bad for you so block all temptation.

 

The day you stop caring about him is the day he'll break NC. You can't fake it, you need to start thinking about your future without him and work on getting to the acceptance stage. I find anger is a good path lol.

[ElleB]

Ha funny you mention anger - finding out what I did has propelled me into it. Finding a lot of metal songs to jump about to.

And you know what I feel much better for it. It had to happen, I was living in a bit of a dream world. Healing but with stones still in the wound. I picked the scab off, took out the stones and can now heal again, properly. Not with stupid ideas of reconciliation with a numbnut who clearly doesn't know what a catch I am.

 

Ta guys

[bwhite00]

Better to be mad than sad

[Islandia]

Stay strong ElleB. I know how hard it is to avoid breaking contact, and I am constantly wanting to look at her Facebook page and just wanting to hear her voice or know what she is doing. But at the end of the day none of that matters - they have new lives now and we need to build our own new lives.

 

You seem like a genuinely nice person and are a great catch - you will heal and find someone new and mr. numbnut is going to regret ever doing this to you.

[UK Stu]

Sorry to hear it Elle. But at least it is a lovely weekend to go do something outdoors to get your mind off it.

 

Good work with the new job!