Anyone elses physical features polarize people?

[meister]

I can appreciate that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. That's fair enough but for some reason my physical appearance REALLY polarizes people. Some people find me really attractive and use words such as handsome, hot, cute etc to describe me and I'm not talking about my mother or close friends saying this. Women and even men with no reason to do so say this. Just last week where I work people were talking about how I'm attractive. Also I dated women who were level 5 clingers with me.

 

Conversely I know others find me very unattractive, I've been rejected because these people didn't find me attractive enough. I've never been called ugly but you don't need to be called it to know how people think. I'm sure many of you have experienced this also. For example, I was set up by a friend with a girl a few months ago, she had seen a pic of me from Facebook but when me met I knew right away she was REALLY not into my physical appearance. Also many women have had zero interest in me which further reinforces this. I've never been approached by a women, I've always had to do it.

 

Why do I care about this? I think I have slight body dysmorphic disorder and thus these peeks and valleys really adversely affect my confidence level. I would love a straight line of confidence. Yes I know you shouldn't let peoples' perceptions of you affect your confidence but that's easier said than done.

 

Is this common with other people on here?

Do you notice this much variance of your attraction?

That some people find you very handsome or beautiful and others ugly?

[xyzzzz]

what body dysmorphic disorder? WELL i think for everyone who;s not universally beautiful there are always people finding them ugly. i find brad pitt ugly.....

[meister]

what body dysmorphic disorder? WELL i think for everyone who;s not universally beautiful there are always people finding them ugly. i find brad pitt ugly.....

 

I'd say he's universally attractive. You don't seriously find him ugly?

[wayoverit]

My paycheck does the talking most of the time. No I don't think I'm the most handsome guy, not ugly either, just a normal guy who can pay my way and hers too (if she plays that game). My point is, don't worry about those who don't show interest in you. That's alright, their lost.

[chelsea13]

It really happens to everyone, I don't think those women find you ugly, you're just not their type.

Brad Pitt and Megan Fox are both universally attractive, but I honestly don't see the fuss. Is Natalie Portman universally attractive? She probably doesn't create such a fuss compared to the likes of Fox, but I find her really, I mean, really really attractive.

But I really see where the OP is coming from.

I had one person told me I look like an actress, and certain people have praised me like never before.

But then there's also a huge number of guys (especially my friends) who are not attracted to me at all - they never told me I'm ugly but I know they find me unattractive, because they wanted nothing more than just hanging out and rarely call me in private, etc.

I have a friend who gets called pretty and just a couple of days ago my other guy friend told her that she's a beautiful girl, but then some other guys would tell her that she's a dude (she's a bit of a tomboy, short hair and no dresses).

 

So, it happens to anyone who's not universally attractive (hell, it even happens to them) . But there are indeed people who almost everyone finds good looking.

[xyzzzz]

I'd say he's universally attractive. You don't seriously find him ugly?

 

yeah i do find him unattractive. i wouldnt say yes to him if he wanted to date me..same as orlando bloom.

megan fox looks very hot to me tho..

[shyguy1]

In my case no not really, I'm unattractive.. to well pretty much everyone.

 

Sure there's exceptions, but I would say for every 1000 people.. maybe 10 will find me suitable for dating and those odds simply aren't worth the hassle.

 

There's a reason I'm a virgin at nearly 31 and a reason why I've not gone on a single date in over a decade, yes some of it's my own fault... since I am shy, depressed and battle things like social anxiety.

 

Still doesn't change the fact that if my looks were 'polarizing' and not plain ugly, that I would have fluked my way way into a date... a decade plus is a long time after all.

 

Basically you have three groups of people... those who are considered attractive by just about everyone... those who are more of a 50-50 sort of thing, where some find them attractive... some don't.. those are the more polarizing people.. and then you have those that are almost universally declared unattractive, that would be me.

[lavenderdove]

Beauty is really in the eye of the beholder.

 

It happens to everyone. One person may think you are really hot, and the next person may not. If the person likes tiny blondes, i'd do nothing for them. but if they like tall, elegant buxom brunettes, i'm their girl.

 

The point is you can't and shouldn't expect yourself to please everyone because not only is it not reality, it is a logical impossibility. You are what you are, and they will like what they like, whatever that is. And you shouldn't feel bad if you aren't what a particular person likes. The world if full of people who will find you attractive, and you only need one, not to have the whole world fawning on you.

[xyzzzz]

while it's impossible to be liked by everyone but there is an amont of people that 90% of others will consider them attractive. I think that's what the OP trying to say?

I agree to shyguy1 about the three groups

[Bluesman89]

The only stranger I can remember who recently has called me good looking was a dentist

 

Though I believe that in my case, I was more physically attractive (facially) during my mid teens, as there were some occassions where I had interest from quite attractive, sought after girls. One I remember clearly was when I was around 15.

 

Not sure if that's even possible, but I sincerely believe that I worsened physically (quite considerably) as I approached adulthood.. And I think the lack of interest in comparison attests to that.

[wheatgrass82]

show us your goods and i'll give it to you straight, cowboy

[lavenderdove]

^^

Actually, that is the kind of attitude that contributes to people's body dysmorphic disorders.

 

You may think he is attractive (or not), but that is just your opinion, and not the entire world's opinion. He is who he is, and there will be many who are attracted to him, and many who are not, and it is not possible for the whole world to find him attractive.

 

For example, take Brad Pitt. Many people think he is gorgeous. I think he has a weird little piggy type nose, and his eyes are small and squinty, and he looks scruffy and stoned most of the time, so I don't find him attractive at all. But Gerard Butler? Hot, hot, hot! We're all different, and that's a good thing!

[wheatgrass82]

^^

Actually, that is the kind of attitude that contributes to people's body dysmorphic disorders.

 

You may think he is attractive (or not), but that is just your opinion, and not the entire world's opinion. He is who he is, and there will be many who are attracted to him, and many who are not, and it is not possible for the whole world to find him attractive.

 

For example, take Brad Pitt. Many people think he is gorgeous. I think he has a weird little piggy type nose, and his eyes are small and squinty, and he looks scruffy and stoned most of the time, so I don't find him attractive at all. But Gerard Butler? Hot, hot, hot! We're all different, and that's a good thing!

 

oh by no means do i disagree with ya at all!!!!!!!!!!! except that my comment contributes to ppls body dismorphic disorders! I find attractive unique aspects on a man. and of course my opinion is only one... but thanks for ruininig my plan!!!!!!.. im sure whatever the picture was... i would find at least 5 great things to say about how wonderful he looks. we are all beautiful in our own way. you ruined my plan!!

 

i dont have a type...so my opinion would only be my response... which was asked of me,, ive dated all colours and sizes and shapes and ages...... becos every person can be attractive through someones eyes.

[Brigadoon]

Why do I care about this? I think I have slight body dysmorphic disorder and thus these peeks and valleys really adversely affect my confidence level. I would love a straight line of confidence. Yes I know you shouldn't let peoples' perceptions of you affect your confidence but that's easier said than done.

 

This here is your problem; and mine too.

You simply have to accept that what you see in the mirror is not an accurate reflection of how you appear to others.

Unfortunately I tend to assume that people who compliment me are lying, because lets face it BDD is a form of mental illness, in order to help me feel better about myself. The other people who don't find me attractive are the "correct" group who are simply expressing their opinions honestly.

The only thing you can do is to wean yourself off of the idea that people are attracted to us because of our physical attributes - because it really is absolute rubbish. Fair enough the good looking people get chatted up in bars and clubs but if you walk down the street you will see plenty of less attractive people strolling along hand in hand with a partner and that is because what they lacked in one area they made up for in another. Become a wonderful person on the inside and only judge others on their inner traits and you will have a much better chance of making a lasting and worthwhile connection with someone.

On a complete side note I have noticed a huge number of genuinely unattractive guys (by this I mean they don't take any care of their personal skills, appearance or even hygiene at times) who would point blank refuse to go out with a lovely girl if she wasn't good looking. It always baffles me how they always end up whining about being single when they are putting no effort into themselves but will put down others for not being up to their "standards", absolutely floors me I must say

[BriarRose]

^^

Actually, that is the kind of attitude that contributes to people's body dysmorphic disorders.

 

You may think he is attractive (or not), but that is just your opinion, and not the entire world's opinion. He is who he is, and there will be many who are attracted to him, and many who are not, and it is not possible for the whole world to find him attractive.

 

For example, take Brad Pitt. Many people think he is gorgeous. I think he has a weird little piggy type nose, and his eyes are small and squinty, and he looks scruffy and stoned most of the time, so I don't find him attractive at all. But Gerard Butler? Hot, hot, hot! We're all different, and that's a good thing!

 

 

Lol! Brad never did it for me, either...I always found him effeminate (sp?).

[wheatgrass82]

oh can i add i agree with you on that too lavydove.... brad can cram it with walnuts......

 

i'd rather have tony soprano over him lol

[xyzzzz]

ive never heard of BDD before this thread and I googled it and turns out i have BDD too?!here is the test

link removed

BDD is about excessively concerned about one's body image..but who doesnt care about one's image? i admit i care maybe a bit more than others..but i cant believe that makes me sick? look at that test..i reckon most people have many yes cuz it sounds really normal behavior..

[shyguy1]

On a complete side note I have noticed a huge number of genuinely unattractive guys (by this I mean they don't take any care of their personal skills, appearance or even hygiene at times) who would point blank refuse to go out with a lovely girl if she wasn't good looking. It always baffles me how they always end up whining about being single when they are putting no effort into themselves but will put down others for not being up to their "standards", absolutely floors me I must say

 

I'm guilty of this to a certain extent.... except that I try to take care of my hygiene and at least have a respectable appearance.

 

My standards are way too high, for what I can realistically offer someone. I was spoiled way back in Jr. High school when I dated for a little over a year, the girl that's still to this day the love of my life. She was a beautiful Vietnamese girl, a national semi finalist in a seventeen magazine modeling competition and has done a little bit of modeling work over the years. We remain friends, but she was definitely the one that got away.

 

I don't know what she saw in me, as I was nowhere near her league.. but one unfortunate side effect, is that I compare other girls to her.. and even if I was a more confident person and didn't have my other various issues.. my standards would be too high to be realistic... Not that a girl would necessarily have to compare to her from a feature standpoint, but I'm not going to date just anyone either... they have to be at least fairy good looking.

 

On a side note of sorts, I'm glad I'm not the only one who's never heard of Body dysmorphic disorder, after researching it... I think it could likely be added to my multitude of other mental and emotional issues. Maybe one day I'll go see a therapist or a psyche... one thing's for sure... depending on how much of a masochistic streak they had, I would either be a dream patient.. or a nightmare one.

[randomgirl59]

On a complete side note I have noticed a huge number of genuinely unattractive guys (by this I mean they don't take any care of their personal skills, appearance or even hygiene at times) who would point blank refuse to go out with a lovely girl if she wasn't good looking. It always baffles me how they always end up whining about being single when they are putting no effort into themselves but will put down others for not being up to their "standards", absolutely floors me I must say

 

Men are raised to be self entitled, that's why. It's the society we live in. Some break out of that mentality, but many still feel that life "owes" them a hot girl. Then hearing them whine and moan is almost laughable when it comes to this situation. I've got no sympathy for people who complain that someone is shallow and no one likes them, when they turn around and do the exact same things themselves. Beggars cant be choosers. Some standards are fine, but think about it, what would a super attractive girl want with someone who isn't even relatively close to her league, especially when she can get someone who is? Does someone apply for a job in retail when they have a medical degree? Some average to unattractive men get lucky though and manage to get really attractive girls. Do you see this the other way around? nope. The rare times an really attractive man is with an unattractive woman is to get their ego stroked and to feel like the better one in the relationship. Any other reason would be extremely rare. I never see it.

 

I'm guilty of this to a certain extent.... except that I try to take care of my hygiene and at least have a respectable appearance.

 

My standards are way too high, for what I can realistically offer someone. I was spoiled way back in Jr. High school when I dated for a little over a year, the girl that's still to this day the love of my life. She was a beautiful Vietnamese girl, a national semi finalist in a seventeen magazine modeling competition and has done a little bit of modeling work over the years. We remain friends, but she was definitely the one that got away.

 

I don't know what she saw in me, as I was nowhere near her league.. but one unfortunate side effect, is that I compare other girls to her.. and even if I was a more confident person and didn't have my other various issues.. my standards would be too high to be realistic... Not that a girl would necessarily have to compare to her from a feature standpoint, but I'm not going to date just anyone either... they have to be at least fairy good looking.

 

On a side note of sorts, I'm glad I'm not the only one who's never heard of Body dysmorphic disorder, after researching it... I think it could likely be added to my multitude of other mental and emotional issues. Maybe one day I'll go see a therapist or a psyche... one thing's for sure... depending on how much of a masochistic streak they had, I would either be a dream patient.. or a nightmare one.

 

Junior High was ages ago and I think it would be best if you got over it. You cant compare every girl to this one or you will remain single and a virgin for a very long time. It's really hard to feel sympathy and want to help someone who claims he's unattractive and will remain a virgin forever then turns around and says he want a girl that compares to another girl who was of model standards. If you want to succeed at dating and potentially find someone, you need to give people a chance. This doesn't just go for you, but all of us.

[Exile101]

To the OP: I wish I could help you feel what REALLY polarizing people with your appearance was like. Step into my shoes for just a second...

 

I'm Sikh so by mandate of my religion I wear a turban and grow out my beard. I have been doing this since 2001 (great timing, huh?). On an average day I am stared at, on a bad day I am cursed at or worse engaged physically (I've had to give, and receive, more than my share of black eyes.

 

Yesterday was the Fourth of July and I decided to go see the fireworks. I was repeatedly called a terrorist and was told to go back to where I came from. I've been a citizen for 22 years. What was the cause of all of this: my appearance.

 

Similarly, I have had no luck in the relationship aspects of my life. Women don't find guys who "look like terrorists". I'm also pushing my mid twenties and am still a virgin. I do not have an "entitlement mentality" I simply don't think that I should be allowed to live my life just like anyone else does.

 

Do people get strongly polarized by your appearance: yes.

Is it fair: no.

[Exile101]

To the OP: I wish I could help you feel what REALLY polarizing people with your appearance was like. Step into my shoes for just a second...

 

I'm Sikh so by mandate of my religion I wear a turban and grow out my beard. I have been doing this since 2001 (great timing, huh?). On an average day I am stared at, on a bad day I am cursed at or worse engaged physically (I've had to give, and receive, more than my share of black eyes.

 

Yesterday was the Fourth of July and I decided to go see the fireworks. I was repeatedly called a terrorist and was told to go back to where I came from. I've been a citizen for 22 years. What was the cause of all of this: my appearance.

 

Similarly, I have had no luck in the relationship aspects of my life. Women don't find guys who "look like terrorists" attractive. I'm also pushing my mid twenties and am still a virgin. I do not have an "entitlement mentality" I simply don't think that I should be allowed to live my life just like anyone else does.

 

Do people get strongly polarized by your appearance: yes.

Is it fair: no.

[Exile101]

Oops double post srry.

[Miss Firecracker]

No one would dare tell me they don't like my looks.

[wheatgrass82]

I cannot imagine how that would feel and what that would do to a person. Even telling you we are not all like that sould only tell you invariably that some are..

 

Turban and a beard???? I love it...Sounds like you have more culture.... discipline and strength than most people... and defintiely cannot even compare to those ppl who insult you..

 

What ignorant ...mean fools......It is stupidity. Reflects on their intellect level..

 

My heart goes out to you for waht you have ot put up with..

 

If you were my friend... I'd seriously want to beat up anyone who said anything nasty to you... (maybe its good im not ur friend id be in jail lol)

 

Ever since punjab in daddy warbucks i've loved anything to do with that part of the world..(it was a long time ago... i hope i am not insulting you.... i was proly 8 when i watched it )

[meister]

By polarizing I mean divided opinion in regards to my attraction. From your experiences it sounds like you are only receiving negative feedback in regards to your appearance while as I said I get some very positive and some very negative which honestly can be just as bad as only negative.

 

Anyways, sorry to hear that dude, there are a plethora of misinformed bigots out there and it sounds like you've run into a lot of them. Not that it would be okay to slander Muslims but these nincompoops are so dumb they seem to have confused you for a Muslim. Is it difficult to meet people within your culture/religion?

 

I'd like to add, as an atheist and someone who thinks religion is silly archaic fairy tales, I wouldn't follow them if they adversely affected my life like it seems to be doing for you. If it's causing trouble I'd shave the beard and pull the turban. I don't mean to sound like a bigot but I feel this way about ALL religions. If it's important for you by all means keep up with it. I guess the problem is just with them and not you man.