Instant Click? Chemistry?

[Stanton]

What is with people needing to feel an instant click or instant chemistry after the first date (even just a coffee date)? I'm referring more to online dating where the two have an expressed goal of finding a long term relationship. Is dropping someone after the first meet because there's not an instant click or instant chemistry/fireworks a realistic way of finding a relationship?

[pumpkinmoon]

I'm not sure about the instant click/chemistry you talk of, but I know that if I am in the company of a new man, I pretty much know very soon if it is someone I would be interested in romantically or not.

[annie24]

it's funny - i went to an astrologer who told me that if i feel and 'instant click' with a man, that i should run away in the other direction, because he is bad for me! she said that i am better off starting as friends first. since getting that advice, yes, now i will give things a few dates before deciding he isn't for me. although i guess that astrologer would have said i should give him even more time, lol.

[LonelyPast]

Honestly... 'chemistry' is just the excuse some (most?) women use to allow themselves to fall for the bad boys. They do eventually figure out how dense they're being about their dating decisions, but you don't want to bother waiting around for that to happen. Best to move on and find somebody with more realistic expectations.

[pinkelephant]

I'm not sure about the instant click/chemistry you talk of, but I know that if I am in the company of a new man, I pretty much know very soon if it is someone I would be interested in romantically or not.

 

likewise.

 

 

unlike the previous poster said, it's not an excuse to "fall for the bad boy". just because i'm female doesn't mean i'm irrational and has some sort of issue that would make me want a "bad boy".

[Stanton]

I'm not sure about the instant click/chemistry you talk of, but I know that if I am in the company of a new man, I pretty much know very soon if it is someone I would be interested in romantically or not.

 

I'm the same way. I know almost right away if the person is someone that I would like to get know better and hopefully romantically. But I don't think that's the same as this instant click thing I've been hearing lately (on the forums and once after a coffee date).

 

To me, it seems that some are looking for infatuation, a crush, magic, or sparks on the first date or when you first meet. It just seems unrealistic to expect that when you meet someone for the first time. I used to look for that too but recent experience is changing my perspective:

 

1) went on a coffee date. We had a great time, talked, laughed, etc. When she left she made sure I had her number, told me that she wanted to see me again, and to call her. I talked to her a few days later and she said sorry, she didn't feel that instant click. Weird.

 

2) I went on a coffee date last year a few weeks after a breakup. My ex, our first date was great - we connected right away. So, on this date even though we had a decent conversation and a lot in common, I felt let down that I didn't have that same instant connection. I didn't pursue it further even though I could tell that she wanted me too. Over time, we became friends though and I learned what an amazing woman she is and I developed feelings for her and realized my mistake. But now she's only interested in friendship.

 

Annie, I've been told the same thing. If I feel that instant click, to run the other way. It's always led to relationships with emotionally unavailable women and painful breakups.

 

I have several coffee dates lined up the next few weeks and to be honest, I don't know what to expect or feel anymore.

[AuthenticAuthor]

Is dropping someone after the first meet because there's not an instant click or instant chemistry/fireworks a realistic way of finding a relationship?

 

It depends on the person's time preferences really. If one is patient then they probably would go through two dates before judging if its going to work out. But if one is impatient (rightly or wrongly), they'll just have to go with first impressions.

 

I don't think anyone can really be an authority on WHEN chemistry happens. It can happen at any time, now or later. We just have to be very keen on sensing it when it does.