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advice please


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she left ...about 6 weeks ago. moved her and her 8 year old daughter out of my house...had been living here 2 months....she calls often to see how im doing. Her daughter has as well... I havent spoken to her much over the last month or so...avoiding contact as much as possible. last time we talked I suggested going to our therapist. (she had been going to a therapist due to some abuse issues she dealt with and deals with from her ex husband.) I had been in a few of those sessions, as a confidant and partner.

She agreed to go. and we have a session scheduled for a week and a half from now. she calls and says she loves me, misses me, loves hearing my voice. texts me the same.... is this just validating her ego....its pretty much daily her attempts to contact me.

I wonder if she is going simply cause I asked her to go. almost cause she feels bad? guilty? or Is she going to try and reconcile? I have spoken to the therapist alone since the seperation and the therapist told me, "she loves you and is not over you. this is far from unrepairable".... but I m not sure if there are resolutions to the issues. I would like to try and that scares me that I do.... my ex made great strides over time, but when she left, she trampled all the progress. it seems all but impossible, yet i sit here and tell you, I love her with all my heart. I feel like I am wearing a shoe on the wrong foot.

any thoughts or advice on my questions would be greatly appreciated..

do I throw in the towel, reluctantly? do I go through this process of the therapy session and possible get pummeled emotionally again? Is she looking to come back? or reaffirm a conflict of the issues that brought us here to begin with?


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according to the therapist the issues are rooted in her abusive relationships with her ex husband and father....weve dated for a year and a half.

I dont know if they are fixable, she made progress, and slips back into the old patterns of catering to the abusive ex. I suppose I should say, I feel no threat as to if she loves the ex, and the therapist confirms it, for whatever that is worth. She is almost a slave to his failures...she is always going to pick up his slack, whether financially, or physically, with the daughter or otherwise. The abuse, while not physical is epic. Ive been so frustrated since I would like nothing more to take control of it myself. At times she wanted me to as well....in anycase, the constant pressure of me against him, made her leave.

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I think it would be best to let her deal with her issues with her therapist without you being there and then, if she is successful in resolving them, see if you can a relationship work. I don't think it is wise to be a part of that process because once she is healed you will become a reminder of those bad times rather than hope for a better future.

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