Will she come back to me?

[matchboxman]

My ex and I broke up a week ago today after being together 1.5 years. She's 21 and I'm 23. Her impotus for breaking it off was that she's got one year of college left and she wants to enjoy her last year---part of me believes that wholeheartedly and the other half believes that she's putting herself through a "test" to see if I'm the guy for her.

 

I can't fault her for wanting to have fun her last year and not be tied down. She's had a BF all 3 years thus far (someone else her first year and me the last 2). I graduated last year so it was tough not being together all the time but we made it work but then like all couples, the newness wears off after a while and doubts creep in.

 

She's already said that if she was out of school and ready to settle she'd be with me so I don't doubt she cares for me---we're just at two different points right now.

 

It's still hard as heck for me since she was my first and I love her with all my heart but I know she needs to go through something like this to see how she really feels. "If it's meant to be, it'll be" right?

 

I called her Sunday just to let her know a few things that I didn't get to say during our breakup. I just let her know that if she started to have second thoughts about what she did and she wanted to come back, that I wouldn't hold a grudge against her. She's stubborn to begin with and I was afraid that if she wanted to come back, she would hesitate because she'd think I was mad at her----she was kind of nonchalant about it but she did say "that's nice to know."

 

Like I said, it's hard as hell getting through this NC phase and coming to the realization that she needs to spread her wings but I know that if it's meant to be, it'll be and we'll be back together. Until then I'm just taking it one day at a time and trying to do what I can. Thanks for the support guys.

[tc]

well, i agree with you that if it's meant to be it will be. And yes, it does sound like you are at different points in your life. She's at the point in her life that she feels she needs her "space", and you sound like you agree with her, however you'd be happy if she decided to "come back". meaning that you'd prefer to be in a relationship.

My advice to you though is not to push it... because that will push her away. You've let her know how you feel, she's now aware of that, so let it be... I know how hard it can be not to talk or see the person you care so much about, but you don't want to smother her, if it's meant to be, it will be, i truly believe that...

The best thing to do is what you're doing, take it day by day and see where you end up.

Good luck.

[roo1oo]

I think you have the right mindset. I was there in college too. I had dated a guy for 3 years, my first love and all, and felt that I needed to be apart from him to learn who I was. One thing you must remember, because you two are not together, she is free to date. And most likely she will. Best thing I can say about this is don't ask about who she is seeing or what she is doing with someone else. Knowing will only hurt you more. Also don't assume that she's not seeing anyone else.

 

Good luck!

[matchboxman]

roo1oo

 

Thanks...yeah she said that she wanted the flexibility to be able to say yes if someone asked her on a date without feeling bad about it. She's not going to actively look for a date but if someone asks her, she will.

 

Just curious, how did your situation end up?

[JTS]

I am in the same exact situation. My ex is 20 and I am 21 and she feels she needs to live it up for awhile but she wants to be w/me in the end. The best thing I can say is to be a friend to her. Don't call her all the time but if she needs you, be there for her. Because when she gets out of this phase, all she will see is how strong you were to be able to not run away and be right their beside her. If she doesn't, then she doesn't have a pulse. She will appreciate your understanding an how grown up you are and want to be with you when the phase is done. Many girls have this phase and When they realize what is really important in life she will look at how you were there for her when she didn't want a part of you. You will have your undying love and devotion forever. I promise.

[matchboxman]

JTS

 

Thanks bro, nice to see someone else going through the same thing. If my ex was a jerk, I wouldn't care if we broke it off but the truth is she's a great girl and I KNOW she has the right idea about things. She knows what she wants in life so it's not like this is the end-all be-all of our relationship. She just needs to let go a little before entering the "real world".

 

Believe me, I'm pretty sure she know what she had/has with me.

[Alec]

Hey man going through a similar thing to right now, except mine has the twist of not having to face independence but how life is, due to numerous family and house problems right now. But yea give her some space. Know this in the back of your head, if she ends up liking someone else, dates them, and then gets serious about it: she has no respect for you whatsoever. Alot of girls go through this phase, a few make the mistake of going away with someone else which rarely will work out. If you stay through this and care about her, and if she is the "right" girl for you she will come back. If not then like someone said, she doesn't have a "Pulse".

 

If it gets a little rough as far as you missing her and stuff. Sit down and tell yourself, "Stay the course, because the end reward justifies all the agony and sorrow I may go through." If you can live by that phrase then you have my respect, and I'm sure if I do I will have yours.

[matchboxman]

Good advice. You're right, if she does more than casually date someone then perhaps she isn't what I thought she was.

 

The twist here is that she only has a year to play with, and she knows this. Add to that the fact that she's an honor student and plays a sport, she doesn't really have a lot of time to get into anything real serious (at least I hope.)

[matchboxman]

Was just over a girl friend's house for lunch and am starting to get down again. This girl friend is an ex from about 4 years ago but we've managed to stay somewhat friendly. I thought maybe there might be a spark or something there but when I left, I ended up realizing that we just flat-out aren't compatible.

 

It also made me realize how compatible me and my current ex are/were and how great we get along together. *sigh* Just when I think I'm starting to lick this missing her thing I take a step back.