Should I contact my ex? I am worried about him.

[anu1560]

There has been hurricane Alexis related death in the place he lives and I am so worried about him. Somehow I am worried. I don't know why.The chances of him being hurt is less. But still. I know I don't want him back. But I am just worried to death now. Should I contact him and ask? I am not even sure if he is going to reply back. If he doesn't then I will be more worried. Ugghhh.

[Brigadoon]

When my ex left me I used to get the horrors every time I heard of a car accident on any of the roads that he would be driving on.

This went on for months and I actually used to end up going to where he worked and trying to avoid seeing him but checking if his car was there to reassure myself that he was okay.

This fades over time, I think it's just a reaction to the severed connection; you used to be able to pick up the phone anytime you wanted but now it's "not allowed"

Contacting him would be cruel if you don't want to get back with him and the chances of his actually being the one involved are tiny, so no, don't contact him.

I've had friends ring me to tell me that completely random strangers that they thought I knew had died so someone will definitely let you know if something were to happen. Either that or google his name; that's how I found out my grandmother had died.

[anu1560]

I googling desperately to find out the names. omg. i am not even a little over him. and yesterday only i completed 30 days of nc and i was celebrating. why did i open news today. i am going to die now out of worry. this stupid head.

[BriarRose]

I'm sure he is fine. Don't break 30 days NC.

[DeenasRhino]

One person out of how many people living there? It would be very very unlikely. Like the poster above me, I am sure that he is fine. Don't use this as an excuse to break NC.

[anu1560]

I know it would be a mistake to contact him. But I am genuinly worried. And these stupid news people won't even give the names. I need to concentrate on something else. Or I will go crazy.

[savignon]

If your long term goal is to not contact him, then don't use this as an excuse to get in touch. If, however, that's not your long range plan, then why not text him, "Thinking of you after the hurricane and hope you're well and that there was no damage to your home" or something. This would not require a reply on his part so you'd be doing it for you....not to hear from him.

[anu1560]

Well he broke up 2 months back. And both of us know very well that we don't have a future together. Too many issues (family, religion, long distance, age difference, different goals of life at this point of time). Thats why long term plan is not to be together. Both of us a very practical.

 

Anyways. I was just too worried. That city has 4 hurricane Alexis casualty. And I couldn't concentrate on work. So I called. He is fine. I didn't give him chance to say anything. I just asked if he is ok which after hearing his voice made me realise he is. He said he is fine. I said ok. And then I hung up. I was shaking. But after 10 minutes, I was back to normal. I worked for straight 2 1/2 hrs.

 

I know it is a mistake. But now I am in peace. Hopefully he is too. I respect his wish of the break up. He is a nice boy and I have a great respect for him. Thats how I could do NC for 21 + 30 days. And I will not contact him again. He will understand. He knows me.

 

I am sorry to have dissappointed you ENA'r.

[DeenasRhino]

Glad to hear he is okay. Continue and maintain NC from this point on.

[anu1560]

Thank you Rhino. I will continue NC because I know we have no future. And I have accepted the situation.

[anu1560]

Ok. I agree. Breaking the NC was not good. I feel horrible now. Next time onwards I will listen to you guys so I don't feel so much pain. Have cried a lot and now want to be numb with no feelings. Want to go to a dr. so that they can prescribe me some pain killers so I can sleep or feel numb. I am hurting so much.

[MissyMolly]

Anu - no worries. Do not ever excuse or apologize for what you feel you needed to do! We are all different in our process of healing - YOU needed to make that call, so good for you. It shows you still care. It shows your heart has not turned to stone. And, THERE is NOTHING wrong with THAT. Why is that we still cannot CARE about someone long after they have left our life? What is so distasteful about that? I LOVE that I still have the capacity to CARE - yes, that HE has not completely RIPPED that away from me! I can still love, and still care - we should ALL be grateful that the ability to connect and have empathy is not lost along with the lost love. Good job.

[No1]

NC is not always the best option. I dont know why people insist on it being the absolute answer to everything and why people count NC. "452 days of NC" for example. If you count NC days, then you are really not moving on.

Anyway.. if you are worried, then a simple and quick text saying 'hope you are okay with the storm, be careful' is acceptable. Dont put something saying you are worried.

If the both of you know that there is no future between you and you feel like you are moving on, then why not send a quick text. Just dont ask questions. Send an email or text that doesnt require a reply. he is going to be fine. he will contact you if he needs something.