His Ex Wife Contacted Me

[WomanWriter]

I cannot believe the drama I have had these past two years.

 

I have always thought of myself as a straight edge, typical straight A student, used to dating fellow nerds and the like. Nothing like this has ever happened to me, but this just proves to you all that it can happen to anyone.

 

So here's the deal. I joined ENA because of my break-up with my ex fiance last February (2009). That relationship was strong but ended because he wanted to find himself and felt we were codependent, basically. We were mostly in no contact but he was civil, a bit distant...but we made amends yesterday and are on friendly. L (fiance) was a good guy. He had his issues like we all do, but my main complaint was that he was critical and anal, a bit OCD if you will. Other than the fact that he broke up with me, I didn't really have any reason to hate him. I still love him. We were each other's first everything.

 

SO moving on to B. This is where it gets ugly. I met B at church at the end of last year (2009). I had been broken up with the fiance for almost a year at the time and thought I was ready to move on. It was a whirlwind romance and B swept me off my feet with some jewerly, sweet talking, and obsessive attention. We moved fast and he ended up telling me he wanted to marry me. I had a lot of reservations with his health, hygiene, and smothering behavior but I let it go because I had fun with him and he was really funny.

 

Then he violated me sexually a couple times without my permission. I forgave him the first time, but the second time, I was done. We stayed friends and got even closer. We went on trips together, told each other everything, and had a lot of laughs. He tried to "prove" to me that he could win me back and started studying communication skills, cleaned up his body, and got surgery and medical attention for his health issues. I thought he was on the right track.

 

This weekend, we were supposed to see a movie after I got back from a long church retreat. He was no where to be seen. Everyone was looking for him and his phone was dead. We were worried.

 

So what happens is that his ex girlfriend finally gets ahold of him and he claims he was at his friend "Dan's" house. He has never mentioned a friend with this name, let alone spending the night at his house? So I was suspicious. To make a long story short, we got in a fight and I ended the friendship. He was grumpy. But last night we chatted briefly although I let him know the trust is ruined.

 

Fast forward to today---I get messages from his EX WIFE telling me to watch out because B abused her while they were married! She told me about all the lies he tells and how he is always disappearing. She said that he told her about me and how he is going to get me back, but she warned me to be careful. She filled me in on some of the things he's done to his exes...some sexually preverted cheating experiences he's had and much more that made me sick to my stomach.

 

I wrote her back letting her know that I know some of this stuff, but it just makes me sick because we teach the kids at church together and I don't know how I am going to handle this.

 

I feel completely heartbroken that B used to beat his ex wife. I believe her because even though he never laid a finger on me, he does seem to get annoyed if he's not the center of attention. He doesn't care how his actions affect other people and he did not consider using women for sexual favors while he jacked off in front of them as cheating on his ex wife. He lied when we were together and told me that SHE was the one who cheated.

 

This is just horrid. I have never experienced this kind of disgust. I can't believe I fell for the sweet talk and lies. What was I thinking? His other exes confirm that he has sexual "issues" and that he's done some pretty bad stuff that he tries to lie about.

 

I think he's a sociopath because sociopaths do everything they want at the expense of other people.

 

I just want to puke.

[Adorei]

I don't really see any questions or need for advice, so let me just say..RUN FOR THE HILLS! This sounds like, if you continue to be involved with him in any way, something bad could happen to you. It makes me feel nervous for you.

[Puckdog27]

I would make distance and keep it....and if you feel threatened, notify the police. This guys is very disturbing. He is abusive to his ex and sexually violated you. Stay away!

[Miss Firecracker]

At least you know why he was missing in action.

[dragon lady]

Are you going to let the relevant person at the church know? I know I wouldn't want this nutjob near my kids.

 

In any case, I'm glad you finally broke up with him.

[abitbroken]

When a man comes on very strong in the beginning - not merely trying to get your attention but showering you with gifts that are not appropriate for the stage in the relationship, over romancing you, etc, - it is a sign of someone who has no respect for your boundaries. But you now know that.

 

I would keep my distance and severe ties with him wherever you can for your own health. I was married to someone like this - the only difference was that he would lay it on thick and then reject me, and then lay it on, then reject me to beat me down. The only way I could get away was the last time he rejected me - to totally leave and don't look back. Because every other time it just started all over him with him being sweet for awhile...and around and around.

 

Did you say that you and his ex or you and HIM teach kids together? If you teach in a classroom together, I would discuss with the folks in charge to teach a different time slot. also, don't be afraid to talk to someone,,

 

Also, i found a saving grace was counseling. I am sure there is someone at the church you could talk to, or if not they could refer you to someone.

[Miss Firecracker]

Why not just leave this man alone, move on with your life. And don't listen to his ex, that he has been with while you were away. She's probably no better than he is.