Did I blow it? Is it over?

[RagingGecko]

There's a girl I like who happens to be one of my best friends. I've known her since 5th grade, so for the past 8 years. In about December I started really having feelings for her. I was really shy though, never had a girlfriend before. She'd leave notes on my car after basketball games, and we'd talk all the time. I finally asked her out to prom, she agreed and we were gonna go as friends. I knew the guy who she dated before. He was her best guy friend. They didn't work out and after they broke up they pretty much stopped talking for about 3 months. Anyway, after the whole thing got over with they're good friends again and she would tell him everything. I talked to him and he said that she liked me too and I should ask her out. This was around February. I still wasn't sure about it, so I waited. During track season we met another girl who ran hurdles with us. She was a nice girl, and we're all friends, but she had a huge crush on me, and it was quite obvious. I have absolutely no feelings for her, but she is a good friend so I still talk to her. I finally decide about 2 weeks before prom (prom is May 1st) that I'm going to ask her out. It was really hard, but I put off asking her because I wanted it to be special. So prom comes, and I ask her out. So, last slow dance of the prom, I ask her out. I thought it was kinda romantic. She says yes, but sounds really unsure about it. We go bowling with friends after the prom, and everything was great, lotsa fun. We kissed when I dropped her off at home. The next morning I get a message on AIM from one of her friends, telling me that she won't go out with me because of that other girl who has a crush on me. She says that she doesn't date her friends' crushes. This is totally in character for her, and even though I'm pretty disappointed I accepted it. I talked to her, and told her that I understood how she felt and that I didn't want it to affect our friendship. After about a week of thinking I realized that I wasn't okay with it. So I told her that I couldn't control how the other girl felt about me, but I think it would be a mistake if that was the only reason that she wouldn't go out with me. She said that it was only part of the reason, she also didn't want us to end up fighting and not being friends for a long time like happened with her previous boyfriend. She was also afraid of losing her friendship with my entire family, who she is friends with all of them. I also find that she kissed another guy, who graduated last year and was one of her friends' prom date. I was kinda shocked, but she said they were definitely not dating and I thought I still had a chance. I thought I'd give her a while to think about what I said, and the next week I asked her what she thought. Well, she is now dating this other guy, 2 weeks after she "dumped" me after prom. I talked to her and she said that she did like me, but she was under a lot of pressure from her friends to date me and really didn't want to date her friend's crush, then the whole other guy thing came up and she went with it. They've been dating ever since, so about 6 weeks. We're still friends, and we go to movies and bowling and stuff, but her boyfriend always comes along. I don't know what to do anymore. I still like her, in fact I think I love her, and I don't want to lose her, but every time I see her or think about her being with this guy it hurts unbelievablely. I don't really like the guy at all, and that makes it just that much harder. I keep wondering at her motives, especially asking me to go to movies with them. There are always other people there, but I still keep wondering. Any advice would be most welcome. I go off to college in August, so I'm running out of time, and I haven't a clue what to do. I would give anything for a relationship with her. Please help.

[Michael2]

My advice.

 

Once you get to college, you wont even remember this girls name, trust me.

 

She was playing games, making excuses, the whole nine yards.

You did nothing wrong at all, okay.

 

You will know love, this is not love. Go to college, have a blast.

[DragonGirl724]

aight first of all welcome to the forum hope to hear alot from you in the future. we all need assitance & help from people from all walks of life. so glad you joined enotalone.

 

and as for your situation i think its pretty crappy that if she really cares about you nothing will stand in the way of love. u guys have history u guys have a prolonged friendship which is a great foundation for a relationship!! this new chick needs to be 2nd to you. if her feelings are true she'll tell this girl "listen dont be upset but we've had a thing for a while & been best friends & i really care about him & i want to work things out w/ him b/c i care about him on so many levels im sorry if that hurts you. but i dont want this to ruin our friendship." AT LEAST THATS WHAT I WOULD SAY!!! im so sorry she didnt react the same way, maybe shes just confused about her feelings for you. and plus the whole 'friend-left-you-an-IM-breakup thing' is pathetic!! talk to this chick about it & tell her your heart belongs to her & its not fair that just b/c your OBVIOUSLY a stud & a 1/2 & that this other chick is on you like a fly on sh*t shouldnt factor into what makes you 2 happy!!!! if u dont have feelings for that hurdling girl then there shouldnt be any problems. u had her first . maybe that sounds immature but then again i think shes being very immature about it.

 

-DG724

[DragonGirl724]

oh, i didnt see the whole part about you goin off to college im august. man enjoy your summer!! see how things go but if it hurts u that bad definitly speak up & if she truly cares u guys can work it out by the time u go to college. but long distance relationships suck!!! jus so u know!!!! so u might be better off by enjoying both their company this summer & chillin out til u go off to college. its a new & exciting adventure & you wont believe how many awesome girls & guys ur gonna meet!!! best of luck come August!!! ROCK ON MAN!

 

-DG724

[QTpie87]

i totally agree with dragongirl724....

good luck,

love QTpie87

[RagingGecko]

I know long distance relationships are hard. I think what hurts the most was that she didn't even give us a chance and I keep wondering what might've happened. I think it'd be much easier if it didn't work out and we broke up, but as it is I think we could have a great relationship. The other guy who she seems to really like doesn't help the situation either, b/c I refuse to put her in a situation where I'd force her to break up with him. No matter how much I dislike this guy, it'd be uncomfortable for her and I won't put her though that. I didn't add this earlier, but about a week or 2 ago she told me that even though she likes him, she didn't think they'd be together too much longer. I know it's selfish, but that kinda gave me hope. We went to a movie 2 days later, and met her b/f there. Eating dinner before he got there, she seemed to flirt with me and she punched my arm until I let her paint my thumbnail (yeah, laugh it up, it was pretty funny ), but once he got there they seemed very happy together and I can't tell if she was just playing with my head again (which doesn't seem in character for her at all, but I can't help but wonder), or if she was serious When we left she jokingly told us (me and her other friend there) "thanks guys, you made me miss my goodnight kiss." I am so confused my head hurts, lol.

 

Thanks for the GL in college. Can't wait.

[RagingGecko]

Just wondering if anyone else has anymore advice. I watched movies with them and some other friends in my basement last night, and it just made me feel sick seeing them together. I don't want to make her uncomfortable or even mad at me, but I can't just act liked nothing's wrong anymore. I've also heard a lot that girls don't like it when guys can't live without them, and that's a turnoff, so I still don't know what to do.

[BeachBum21]

Hey,

I'm sure if she really liked you as much as she said she did, she would be dating you instead of the other guy. She obviously just sees you as a friend because she brings her bf by to hang out with you. I know its very hard and your feelings are probably getting the best of you, but all shes doing right now is playing games so chalk it up as a loss and move on. You've got so many other girls out there and what about the one that did like you, take her out man who knows. Anyway, best of luck in college, trust me, the girls are that much better once you get there and its true, you probably won't even care once you are there with all these new girlfriends you will have made. Be strong, move on, and don't waste your time with women who aren't willing to make themselves available to you because there are bigger better things out there.

[RagingGecko]

Hey,

I'm sure if she really liked you as much as she said she did, she would be dating you instead of the other guy.

 

. You've got so many other girls out there and what about the one that did like you, take her out man who knows.

 

I've thought about that possibility, but it just doesn't seem in character for her. Then again, I thought it was pretty obvious she would say yes by the way she flirted with me all the time, so I guess that's a possibility.

 

And no, I definitely won't ask out that other girl. She's a freshman in HS and I'm going off to college. She's a nice girl, but she's kinda the ditsy type, not the type of person I'm attracted, too. She's more like my little sister than a girlfriend. My friend and my personalities just match, I would think we'd be perfect for eachother. We have similar interests, but we're different enough that it wouldn't get boring.

 

I think what I'm gonna do is try to just suck it up and stay friends with her, at least until I go to college, and if they break up I'll ask her again.

 

Another thing I'm not sure about though. Her best friend, who also happens to be one of my good friends, lives accross the street from her, and absolutely adores her boyfriend. She thinks he's the hottest guy on the planet, yet she knows she doesn't stand a chance with him, she just likes looking at him and hanging out with him. She also keeps telling me things like "You guys are too similar, that's why you wouldn't be a good couple." or "You're too close friends." Things like that. I'm starting to get the impression that she's also telling Dannie (the girl I like) these things so she'll stay with this other guy. Am I just being paranoid, or is this a possibility? If I'm right, she might actually be the reason she rejected me in the first place (it was this girl that gave me the initial rejection message). Anyone have any similar experiences?