Don't know how to respond- help!

[ashash]

So my ex ( together 5 years) text me 3 weeks after break up saying he made a mistake and misses me so much. I just responded politely saying I'm doing good and hope he's doing good. Then- nothing heard until almost 3 weeks later again- he starts up a friendly chat thru text- I respond politely- asking me how I'm doing- then tells me without me asking that he didn't get unemployment and such- basically whoa is me- and I told him that I was sorry. ( keep in mind that he left me for someone else. He doesn't kno I kno). And then he says "yeah I miss u like a lot idk y I said wat I said and now I'm paying for it. I'm sorry". I didn't kno wat to say so I just said I'm on the phone I can't concentrate I'll ttyl. I get a text back saying " I get it u don't wana hear it so I'm sorry I love u goodbye. See u around I guess".

 

Ummm... K. I wanted to talk but not thru text n I didn't kno wat to say. What should I text back? Isn't that totally dramatic?

[pumpkinmoon]

I wouldn't text back. If he is genuine, he will contact you again.

 

The thing is, this new girl who he left you for probably didn't turn out to be what he thought so he's trying to come back to you.

 

If I were you, I wouldn't take him back. I've learned my mistake!

 

How do you know he left for someone else? Could you trust that he wouldn't do that again?

 

If a man truly loved you, he would find it impossible to leave for someone else on a whim after 5 years!

[tegoz_marianos]

Sorry I'm no use to you here, I'm just fascinated as this is what I'm going through - except he's not contacted me since the split. But I do know he ended it because he likes someone else, despite having done nothing with her and working right next to her. I just don't see it working between them and I live in hope he'll text me. So I'll watch in fascination and see how your situation works out!!

 

Sorry I'm no help though x

[pumpkinmoon]

Oh and that last text, he's doing that for a reaction. A genuine person would apologise for interupting you and tell you to answer after you have finished whatever you are doing.

[ashash]

The thing is- I was very critical of him so I feel guilty. He was usually a very good bf. I was not the best gf but still. I don't know how to confront him about the situation and stuff. This text makes me mad- although I kno he's trying to protect himself. I had said " just got off the phone it's really late Gonna go to sleep so I'll ttyl". I sent that an hour after I had said that I can't concentrate.

 

Anyway.... Idk I feel like I should say something in the morning. I feel like I can't just ignore it. But this text from him makes me think o u really don't care.

[pumpkinmoon]

Say something about what? The fact you know there was someone else you mean?

[ashash]

Yeah... I'd like to talk about what happened and how he hurt me. We never really talked about the reasons for breaking up I just accepted and went away. I don't understand why he's being so dramatic. I wanted to go verrry slow. Also, I wanted a phone conversation not texting.

[JoshHimself]

I dont know what to tell you either, is this going to make you happy? Is this what you wanted? I mean in your head are you always going to be going over the other girl? Five years is a long time, I mean is the first instance of this on either side?

[ashash]

First instance. Idk I want some answers and some honesty. But his reply makes me think this is all bs.

[jungledrums]

If he really wants to work things out, he can call you. Don't settle anything over a text message.

[Puckdog27]

idk y I said wat I said and now I'm paying for it. I'm sorry". I didn't kno wat to say so I just said I'm on the phone I can't concentrate

 

This says it all. "Im paying for it" Does he think you havent paid for his actions?

 

I would tell him, "Guess what.....Ive paid too.....I got my share of the tab when you left for someone else...... You cost us both with your decision. Yes YOU made a decision, you broke us apart and yes YOU are now paying for it too. Hopefully next time you will consider the cost before you do what you did."

 

Then if you want to work things out, you can make your own choice, but this sets a pretty clear expectation that he needs to understand what he is accountable for.

[ashash]

I know I love how he's playing victim.

[ashash]

So i just text him " I'm busy today but if you want call me tomoro I'd like to talk instead of text"

[ashash]

He called twice today- I picked up 2nd time. He was crying. On the phone for an hour and a half til I cut him off and said I had to go. Found out he drives by my house everyday and all this stuff. Supposedly, no other girl. All I know is whatever it was, it lasted 2 seconds. Taking things very slow

[marshmallito]

Wow, maybe he only broke up with you because he wanted you to prove your love and beg him back. You didn't, you respected his choice and now he doesn't know how to handle it.

If this is the case, I wouldn't be letting him back into your life easily. He needs to learn to respect you and your relationship.

[wildestkabs]

I would agree with the other posters. This is way too convenient for him. First he ditches you for someone else, and when that doesn't work out, he comes back "crying", how selfish is that?!

 

I would suggest you remain NC and don't let him back into your life that easy. Make him work very hard for it and make sure he shows you how he has changed and how things are going to be different this time round. Don't settle for anything less than that.