Wonder Reconcilation and Now Reeling with Pain?

[Gogh]

I need help/advice. My ex and I were broken up for almost three months. For the past three weeks, he's been on the verge of stalking me. Phoning, texting, stopping by and appearing places where I am. I had not replied or responded. That is, until my moment of weakness last Friday. I finally sent him a text and just asked what it was that he wanted from me.

 

To make a long story more brief, we ended up meeting up this past Saturday. We were together from 8am til 10pm. We talked at the beach. He was crying and apologizing for taking me for granted and how he was all finished with gambling. He wined and dined me. He said I was prettiest woman he's ever met and how in love he was with me. I go home.

 

He calls me first thing Sunday morning and wants to hang out but I already had plans. So we meet up in the late afternoon and he takes me out to dinner yet again. He tells me he wants to marry me and live with me and move to Florida...etc. I go home.

 

He calls me first thing Monday morning and asks if he can pick me up and get a cup of coffee before work. I said okay. He tells me he wants to see me every day and doesn't want to be apart from me. I told him I couldn't see him Monday night or Tuesday night because I had plans (which I did). I told him that I'm very hurt and it's going to take a while and we'd have to take things slow.

 

Well, when I talk to him Monday afternoon...he tells me that I'm right, we should take things slow and then he starts telling me all these plans that HE has.

 

So the last time I spoke with him was after I called him Tuesday afternoon. That's it. It's now Thursday late afternoon and I haven't gotten a phone call or anything. He hasn't made any plans to see me. Nothing.

 

My questions is...how can you go from being so gung ho and missed me and loved me over the weekend to nothing. Gone. Again? I feel like I did in the beginning of our break up. I can't stop crying. Please help me understand this.

[HeartGoesOn]

It could be that you're making it too easy for him. Spending all that time together on your first time meeting since the breakup was way too long, and far from taking it slow, IMO.

 

I would go by his actions, and not his words at this point.

[Gogh]

Well, he wanted to see me Monday and night and I had to do laundry. He even asked if I wanted to do it at his house and I told him that I didn't think that was a good idea...and I had plans on Tuesday night to feed the homeless. So I was not that readily available. That's when he came up with a list of everything HE was going to do and said that it was probably a good idea to take it slow.

 

I didn't want to jump into falling back into a hot/heavy relationship and seeing each other 24/7 but I certainly didn't mean for him to disappear and not call. I don't see the logic here at all, do you?

[1guygirl]

in same boat here - had it all...split for 3 months, him trying to find me on FB etc, proclaimed his love for me, he was incomplete with out me, i was amazing etc and he was gunna be there with me as i worked through my sh*t. met up with him. he said he wanted to put a ring on my finger and sorry but thats just the way he felt on the monday. slight spat on tuesday and ignoring me til i prompted him on thursday, in which he said he wanted to take a break. no indication of how long

 

girl...im at a loss too, and i know its a killer and its devastating and im here with ya on this one. im afraid thats all i can offer right now apart from the good ole NC line

 

hugs to you x

[Gogh]

Maybe he was scheming how to back at me or to hurt me? But it seems a bit excessive for that to be a ploy.

 

My heart is literally in pieces all over again.

[Kia-Kaha]

Gogh,

 

You told him that you wanted to take things slow, maybe he is respecting your wishes and trying to give you some space.

 

Maybe he realised that he was pushing you too hard and that he should back off a little (you kinda did tell him to).

 

Why are you waiting on a phone call that is making you go crazy? Either call him yourself or go and be busy so that you aren't sitting waiting wishing.

[Cadence44]

Best case scenario - he's respecting what you asked of him, which was to take it slow. He surely realized that he was coming on strong.

 

Worst case scenario - he was curious about whether he could get you back. He got some confirmation that you are most likely still there for him if he wants you and so he felt reassured and left again.

 

Guard your heart just in case.

[moving]

Before you start reeling with too much more pain, why don't you pick up the phone and call him? You both agreed to take things slow and give each other more space, and he told you about all of his plans - so 48 hours without hearing from him doesn't automatically mean he walked away again. If you don't want to call, texting him (maybe about meeting up this weekend) should give you what you need to know.

[Petra S]

Gogh,

 

I think he is retreating so as to not embarrass himself.

 

Did he break up with you? If so, he probably expected that you would immediate want to reconcile when he declared his love and remorse and he was probably surprised that you were not always available for him. NOT that you did the wrong thing--I think it is VERY important for you to take things slowly and maintain your own life. If he really wants to reconcile and is willing to do what it takes, he will not be deterred if you can't see him every night. In fact, the more aloof you are, the better your chances in my opinion.

 

I think you should figure out if you want to get back together. Is this guy really good for you? He sounds a bit emotionally unstable which could lead to great pain if you continue to move forward with him. I don't trust guys who profess their eternal love one moment and then disappear the next.

 

Whatever you do, DO NOT CALL HIM. Wait. Be patient. Focus on your life. Trust me, give him a few more days of NC and he will reach out to you. Best of luck!! xoxo

[Gogh]

I actually broke up with him April 1st. You see, I had bought us a trip to Aruba and he was just to bring his own spending money. He kept promising he'd give me $1,000 to hold for him. Well, the day he was supposed to give it to me...he blew it at the horse track so I told him it was over and I went by myself.

 

So when we finally met up this past Saturday, he said he was done with gambling and that life. He said he wanted to spend his money on us and our future. Anyway, I STILL haven't heard from him. Last we spoke he said that we'd go out to a nice dinner on Friday (tonight).

 

I can't take this anymore. I am so depressed. I'm so sick of crying. I really thought he truly loved me.

[Gogh]

Is there any advice anyone could give me?

[moving]

Well, the Internet being what it is, you've now been advised to try to contact him before assuming that things have gone wrong (by me and Kia-Kaha), and not to contact him at all (by PetraS).