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I'm new and I need your help please!


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Hey, I found this site today and I think its great, I just want some un-biased advice really and opinions on what I should I do... Its probably gonna be a really long story so I'm sorry in advance!


Well, me and my (now ex) boyfriend had been together about 3 and half years until about 2 weeks ago, when we had a big argument which involved me storming off crying and him refusing to talk to me for a week because he needed to 'think'. Now, he texted me on Tuesday saying that we're not together anymore because we argue all the time and i try and control him and he basically said he just cant do it anymore. I mean hes right, we do argue and I am insecure in myself so I push him away and I try and control what he does.. I just love him so so much and I know he loves me too. So the first thing I did (in my no so wisdom) was to go straight to his house crying my eyes out saying we need to talk about it etc etc and it ended up where he said maybe one day we can be together but he doesn't know and hes still really angry at me and while he loves me he doesnt think hes 'in love' with me anymore... This hurts me more than I can describe. Anyway, he also said he wants to be friends with me and hes been like texting me a bit and we've been getting on fine... hes coming to see me this weekend sometime as i'm getting a new car and hes coming with me to get it... I just want some advice on what to do.. i just want him back so much. I can wait, it doesnt need to be now. I know he needs to see that I can stop been controlling with him and I do trust him to do his own thing. I just never thought he'd leave me and I never in a million years thought if he did it would be perminant. What do i do?

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I'm sorry to hear of your situation.


Basically you are making this break up easy for him by staying in contact with him. You want him, but he doesn't want you at the moment, that is what you need to focus on.


Give him space to sort out his feelings and don't contact him. He can't work out what he really feels if you are still around.


Is there anyone else you could ask to help you get the car?

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So you don't think I have any chance of getting back together with him?


Well, not *immediately.* The best thing you can do to get him back is not pursue it at the moment. If you pursue it, yeah, I can say there's virtually 0% chance. You need to heal up, think about you, love yourself, give him something to miss and something to regret letting go of in the future. BUT, it has to be genuine - you have to do it because you want a good, fulfilling life for him, not because you're playing some long-term trick to get him back.

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And, yeah, it's definitely hard not talking to your ex - she was my best friend. Only female who I felt truly *got* me, and I'm gonna miss that a lot, but I have other friends, other people who get me, and a few platonic females who get me, if to a slightly lesser degree. And I get me, and that makes me happy

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Hes my best friend too, hes my everything


Well, it's time for you to find that you're your everything. I thought she was my everything, but you have to break that illusion, because that's all it is. If you are seriously having codependency issues, that's all the more reason to figure out who you are and why you are such a unique, beautiful person on your own. If you're not ready to stand strong by yourself, you really can't do it with another person because you're both going to fall along the way and both partners have to be ready to carry their own weight and then some. Once the fantasy stage of the relationship is over, these are the things you actually need to make it. Use this terrible, terrible situation as a springboard and turn the rotten cards you were dealt into a blessing in disguise!


You cannot expect someone else to love you if you don't love yourself first and foremost.

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You don't need this guy, he needs to know that. He is going to get the satisfaction of being poor Kaylee's knight in shining armour this weekend, helping her pick up her car. I am sure he feel's like such a nice ex-boyfriend, still in demand, even from his ex-girlfriend!


He needs realise that you don't need him to pick up your car. Tell him you are meeting someone before or after the car-yard, and it would be easier if he didn't come along to pick it up. Make these plans with someone so you aren't lying, and you will have some support or something fun to take your mind off him.


Using your car as an excuse to see him will hurt you and build him up.

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Thanks for your advice, I don't think he's aiming to be my knight in shining armour, I think he's feeling bad for breaking my heart, I don't think deep down that he wants us back toghether though. I think I need to get riid of thayt false hope. I've been thinking a lot tonighr about. I don't know how I'm gonna manage this though! I always thought that while we bicker, we had a really strong bond!

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Well, i've been not talking to him for 4 days now and all I can think about s how much fun hes not having that hes single! He just seems to go out with his friends every single night and I have a nasty feeling hes forgetting about me. AHH I just I miss him SO much and I so so wish he could just give me another chance so I could never do those things again

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