All the right and wrong words

[biggerheart]

3 weeks after 3 years. Broke up due to fighting caused by long work and the frustration of unmet needs for last 5 months. He wants to takle everything alone and feels guilt to ask for anything. I didn't feel a part of a duo recently, causing me to try and ask for immediate fixes (see me more, commit to being together after job, commit to finding new job) that I didn't really want as they would not address what was really bugging me. OK, time could have prevented a lot. He wants the good times but not the guilt - let's date and seek professional help together to get ot of our rut. "We could end up together this way" Nothing definite and I should not pass up other dating opportunities while we are doing it.

 

What is that? I am kind of committed to working on us, but don't plan on us. Did NC to make a break in my mind before therapy starts. Had emotional break through. Started being social again. No dating yet, but would not turn it down. He calls me to come over and I went right over at midnight. To be fair I was out after a party and driving by, but that doesn't give me much slack...just wasn't waiting at home for the call. We talk when I get there..."us without the fighting would be so good" "Without the stress of the relationship, I am doing really good" "I still like to see you blah blah"...

 

OK, no sex, but we did cuddle for a while and it left me feeling pretty frustrated here. Strangely, no longer the frustrated that causes arguments, just the I can not sleep have no idea what I am doing or setting myself up for. Am I allowing for reconcilliation after we work on problems or am I setting myself up by clinging to a closeness that may exist but not as a relationship? He was able to turn that one off in his head like a light switch. But then, he wants to lay there just hugging me... Tells his friends we broke up but are still talking and meeting. I tell my friends we are broken up and no way I am admitting tonight (I left when I realized I could not sleep) to my friends. I have asked them to help set me up. What am I doing. I feel like I need one course of action and need to follow through with it. Get him back or move on. He's not choosing any path and seems the better for it.

[biggerheart]

&%$*$ I've started a bad cycle. I want nothing more this morning than to talk to him. I just jumped on the pathetic train sure to look desperate and needy trying to contact him all the time. NC not an option with the therapy but there has got to be a middle ground.